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Carkey

@CJenican

Followers
262
Following
260
Media
50
Statuses
710

a very manly muppet

Joined June 2019
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
A man cannot define me. Only my taste in bionicles defines me.
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@CJenican
Carkey
2 years
I think I girlbossed a little too close to the sun…
@zanenazane
Zane
2 years
This girl from Hinge said I had to email her grandma to ask her out, and I think I just made a new best friend
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@CJenican
Carkey
3 years
To all the boys who say that one Tarantino movie is the reason they came to film school: I got into the same school, and my reason is iCarly <3
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Sororities girls at bid day be like: Sisters by chance🥰🧚‍♀️✨ COVID positive by choice🤧😂🤪
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@CJenican
Carkey
2 years
@ZmacZane You got girlbossed. Blessing you, Bubby
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
A relationship should be 50/50. You forget to carry me up the mountain, and I put a curse on your family for generations
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Sorority girls trying to decide who to take to date party like
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Coronavirus Pitbull 🤝 Mr. Worldwide
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Sorority girls picking up PNMs at the door
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@CJenican
Carkey
3 years
She’s cheer captain, and I’m on the bleachers
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Do you think twelve is open?
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
You’re in his DMs. I have a Mii on his Wii. We are not the same
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@CJenican
Carkey
2 years
@ZmacZane Oh honey…you left my name fully on that email.
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@CJenican
Carkey
3 years
My grandpa and his brother during the dust bowl (1935)
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Hey guys, my house is still looking for a 5th roommate! Here’s a photo of the house. Lmk if you’re interested:)
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
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@CJenican
Carkey
3 years
Archive footage of a sorority girl trying to guide me to a table in Qdoba to have a deep talk about where I went to high school (2018)
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@CJenican
Carkey
2 years
@ZmacZane Don’t worry, we sent to cousin David and you are still invited😌
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Day one of quarantine: my professor referred to me as “iCarly” via email
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Brenda Song could host The Last Supper but Jesus couldn’t host Disney Channel’s Pass the Plate
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
YOU are worried about what to wear to impress frat boys tonight. I am drinking $1 strawberry vodkas at Applebee’s. We are not the same
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Nobody is more chaotic evil than my HS prom DJ who transitioned every song with the air horn effect
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
People from Yorba Linda be like “I know a place” and then take you to incahoots
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
I mean...he was also in Jump In
@Andehmon
andy
4 years
Thinking about the fact that Corbin Bleu, a High School Musical supporting actor, has the third most widely translated wikipedia page of any person that ever lived. His page was translated into 217 languages, which puts him just after Jesus Christ and Barack Obama.
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
A sorority girl haiku: I need some advice From a drunk random stranger In the bathroom line
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
I’ve decided to open up applications to be my valentine, The Bachelor style. Please submit name with last initial, interest, and reason why you would be good valentine. Winner will received a rose on February 14th
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Sorry I missed our date last night! I broke my pinkie and it’s pretty serious. I probably won’t be able to date for a long time because of this. Hope we can still be friends tho!
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Pro Sorority Recruitment Tip: if silence falls between you and a PNM, start talking about the assassination of Gianni Versace. Really connects with them
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
When we go into a recession because of coronavirus, I’ll be okay because I have Kohl’s Cash🥰
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
I accidentally convinced my sorority advisor into thinking my whole chapter wanted a Chicken Run themed bid day...she didn’t like the idea
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@CJenican
Carkey
1 year
The Barbie (2023) cast is wild #Barbiemovie
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Love Actually (2003)
@lindsaellis
Lindsey Ellis
4 years
@CJenican just called me and told me to open my door. Please enjoy what I just experienced from 6 feet apart
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Imagine doing the dishes with that view
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@CJenican
Carkey
3 years
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@CJenican
Carkey
3 years
Start Chad so he can score points, bench Zeke so he can make me a Crème Brûlée, cut Troy because he sings too much
@NotNotGrant
grant oliphint
3 years
Start one. Bench one. Cut one.
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Guys I PROMISE I’m not going to tell anyone our skit theme is Chicken Run
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Sorority Instagram pages be like
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Sending an angry text: -hard to read -not effective -can be easily deleted Sending an angry letter: -romantic and timely -creates suspense and drama upon delivery -has to be burned to get rid of the emotion in lonely heart
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Even in these unprecedented times, The Great California ShakeOut drill will still be held tomorrow at 11am via zoom
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Oh you were homecoming queen? That’s cute but Wendy Wu was a homecoming WARRIOR
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
When he has a photo of him holding a fish in his bio
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
I just wanna know what happens in the senior creative producing groupchat
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Roommate helped me pick out my outfit for my date tonight! Hope he likes it🥰✌️
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
High School Musical: the Musical: the Series: the Behind the Scenes: the Sing Along: the Engagement: the Wedding: the Baby: the Murder: the Coverup: the Musical
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Why do I always fall in love with my Benihana chef?
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@CJenican
Carkey
1 year
BREAKING: Jason Derulo accidentally crossed the picket line at the WGA Writer’s Strike #WritersGuildofAmerica #WGSlay
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@CJenican
Carkey
3 years
My most recent bit led to trauma
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
To all the Phi Delts who didn’t like this tweet...cowards.
@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Sorority girls trying to decide who to take to date party like
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
A year ago today I fought a pedophile. Now I am in quarantine watching The Mummy. You really can’t predict where life is going to take you
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
So today I got pulled over for crying while driving
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Quarantine Day 9:
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
In 2020 we stop defining people by their star sign but rather by which March sister they are
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Is this the right time to say I had swine flu?
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
It’s been four years since my friends mom said she would take me to Ikea. Has my time passed??? Should I message her???
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
I’m going to karaoke Don’t Go Breaking My Heart with the Ella Enchanted choreography and YOU! CAN’T! STOP! ME!
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
BREAKING NEWS: Due to the recent COVID-19 outbreak, Camp Greenlake will remain open until the curse Kissin Kate Barlow left is lifted
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
But who is Selena Gomez without the Scene
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Life Tip: Don’t show up to your job after you quit because then everyone is confused as to why you are there and then you get so uncomfortable that you moonwalk out of the restaurant but you miss judge how long the entryway is so everyone is staring as you moonwalk 20ft
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Quarantine day 5: I left the house to do Meals on Wheels and just drove by this weird garage bar in my hometown, and it’s open because the guy has “scotch and hand sanitizer.” This is ranked in the top ten bars in my town
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Why do I have severe “Amy” energy?
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
After numerous weekly checkins you think he would just give up and buy a new chain
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Brendan Fraser has fought mummies AND been to the center of the earth. He deserves more respect
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
So...when are the contestants on Big Brother going to find out about coronavirus?
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Can Voldemort sneeze?
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
So Eminem gets to perform Lose Yourself but Jason Segel and Walter don’t get to perform Man or Muppet?!? #Oscars
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Time to give him the classic “it’s not you; it’s me and the coronavirus pandemic” speech
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
me: :( chip skylark: * . * . * . * * . * . * . . * * * my shiny teeth that twinkle . * * just like the stars in space * * . * * . *. * me: :)
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Famous babies but it’s actually @rileypolmanteer : a thread
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
cultural impact: █    █  █  █  _ Airplanes United Airlines By B.O.B.
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Middle school boys when their crush’s tank top is thinner than three finger width
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
We a don’t talk about the fact that someone was convicted of stealing half a bottle of ketchup from the Chapman cafeteria enough
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
GUYS! I found the cure for coronavirus!!!
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
I miss the days when @MicaelaEdwaards used to mass snap every single person in dodge
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
The Poet The Poem
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
I can’t believe I’m saying this but if you wear a backwards hat and only listen to Coldplay I’m not interested
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
The guy I happened to park next to at Costco was blasting “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton and sobbing...hope you’re okay dude...
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Me trying to impress boys at frat parties
@iCarlyOoC
iCarly Out of Context
5 years
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
2020 is the year Lindsey gets arrested!🥳
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
@grahamabyrne_ can we recreate everyone running around morlan screaming and packing hysterically?
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
I’ve decided to name all of the spiders that live in my house Enrique Iglesias
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
March 7th is my favorite day because Facebook reminds me who pledged to KONY 2012
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
In the sixth grade, I had this sub who just locked himself in my choir teacher’s office, and we watched him drink a gallon of almond milk through the window for the entire period
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
@lindsaellis So you went to college to find an emotionally unavailable man who cuffs his jeans???
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Time to break his heart
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Pathetic 20-year-old haiku: This a fake ID? No Mr. bouncer it’s real! ...definitely fake...
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
My favorite part of National Treasure is when Nic Cage heats up his lean cuisine aggressively before stealing the Declaration of Independence
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Some of you didn’t raise money for the jog-a-thon and it shows👀
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
I’ve decided to make piñatas of my enemies
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
A frat boy haiku: Woah bro I’m so drunk Bet you can’t finish this fifth Hahahaha bet
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
🎶and big girls drunk cry🎶
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
My boss just turned away a potential client because he is a cancer
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
You can’t cancel me! My high school crush hasn’t seen my glow up yet!!!🤧
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
My new party trick is opening beers with my pinky splint
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@CJenican
Carkey
5 years
Wait a minute...the principle tried to MURDER Max Keeble because he pulled a prank...and that was just accepted?
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
Can you believe that Jeffrey had the AUDACITY to request that we eat at TGI Friday’s the night of MY Winter Formal?!? He didn’t even pay his share of the party bus! I swear he’s being difficult because I said I wanted to just go as friends because I’m not over Chad who’s with Jen
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@CJenican
Carkey
4 years
If y’all keep treating Chris Daughtry this way...I’m going to have to step in
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