Carkey
@CJenican
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Pinned Tweet
A man cannot define me. Only my taste in bionicles defines me.
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I think I girlbossed a little too close to the sun…
This girl from Hinge said I had to email her grandma to ask her out, and I think I just made a new best friend
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To all the boys who say that one Tarantino movie is the reason they came to film school: I got into the same school, and my reason is iCarly <3
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Sororities girls at bid day be like:
Sisters by chance🥰🧚♀️✨
COVID positive by choice🤧😂🤪
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A relationship should be 50/50. You forget to carry me up the mountain, and I put a curse on your family for generations
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Hey guys, my house is still looking for a 5th roommate! Here’s a photo of the house. Lmk if you’re interested:)
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Archive footage of a sorority girl trying to guide me to a table in Qdoba to have a deep talk about where I went to high school (2018)
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Day one of quarantine: my professor referred to me as “iCarly” via email
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Brenda Song could host The Last Supper but Jesus couldn’t host Disney Channel’s Pass the Plate
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YOU are worried about what to wear to impress frat boys tonight. I am drinking $1 strawberry vodkas at Applebee’s. We are not the same
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Nobody is more chaotic evil than my HS prom DJ who transitioned every song with the air horn effect
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People from Yorba Linda be like “I know a place” and then take you to incahoots
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I mean...he was also in Jump In
Thinking about the fact that Corbin Bleu, a High School Musical supporting actor, has the third most widely translated wikipedia page of any person that ever lived. His page was translated into 217 languages, which puts him just after Jesus Christ and Barack Obama.
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A sorority girl haiku:
I need some advice
From a drunk random stranger
In the bathroom line
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I’ve decided to open up applications to be my valentine, The Bachelor style. Please submit name with last initial, interest, and reason why you would be good valentine. Winner will received a rose on February 14th
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Sorry I missed our date last night! I broke my pinkie and it’s pretty serious. I probably won’t be able to date for a long time because of this. Hope we can still be friends tho!
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Pro Sorority Recruitment Tip: if silence falls between you and a PNM, start talking about the assassination of Gianni Versace. Really connects with them
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When we go into a recession because of coronavirus, I’ll be okay because I have Kohl’s Cash🥰
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I accidentally convinced my sorority advisor into thinking my whole chapter wanted a Chicken Run themed bid day...she didn’t like the idea
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Love Actually (2003)
@CJenican
just called me and told me to open my door. Please enjoy what I just experienced from 6 feet apart
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Start Chad so he can score points, bench Zeke so he can make me a Crème Brûlée, cut Troy because he sings too much
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Guys I PROMISE I’m not going to tell anyone our skit theme is Chicken Run
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Sending an angry text:
-hard to read
-not effective
-can be easily deleted
Sending an angry letter:
-romantic and timely
-creates suspense and drama upon delivery
-has to be burned to get rid of the emotion in lonely heart
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Even in these unprecedented times, The Great California ShakeOut drill will still be held tomorrow at 11am via zoom
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Oh you were homecoming queen? That’s cute but Wendy Wu was a homecoming WARRIOR
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I just wanna know what happens in the senior creative producing groupchat
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Roommate helped me pick out my outfit for my date tonight! Hope he likes it🥰✌️
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High School Musical: the Musical: the Series: the Behind the Scenes: the Sing Along: the Engagement: the Wedding: the Baby: the Murder: the Coverup: the Musical
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BREAKING: Jason Derulo accidentally crossed the picket line at the WGA Writer’s Strike
#WritersGuildofAmerica
#WGSlay
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A year ago today I fought a pedophile. Now I am in quarantine watching The Mummy. You really can’t predict where life is going to take you
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In 2020 we stop defining people by their star sign but rather by which March sister they are
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It’s been four years since my friends mom said she would take me to Ikea. Has my time passed??? Should I message her???
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I’m going to karaoke Don’t Go Breaking My Heart with the Ella Enchanted choreography and YOU! CAN’T! STOP! ME!
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BREAKING NEWS: Due to the recent COVID-19 outbreak, Camp Greenlake will remain open until the curse Kissin Kate Barlow left is lifted
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Life Tip: Don’t show up to your job after you quit because then everyone is confused as to why you are there and then you get so uncomfortable that you moonwalk out of the restaurant but you miss judge how long the entryway is so everyone is staring as you moonwalk 20ft
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Quarantine day 5: I left the house to do Meals on Wheels and just drove by this weird garage bar in my hometown, and it’s open because the guy has “scotch and hand sanitizer.” This is ranked in the top ten bars in my town
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After numerous weekly checkins you think he would just give up and buy a new chain
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Brendan Fraser has fought mummies AND been to the center of the earth. He deserves more respect
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So...when are the contestants on Big Brother going to find out about coronavirus?
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Time to give him the classic “it’s not you; it’s me and the coronavirus pandemic” speech
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me: :(
chip skylark:
* . * . * . * *
. * . * . . *
* * my shiny teeth that twinkle . *
* just like the stars in space *
* . * * . *. *
me: :)
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Middle school boys when their crush’s tank top is thinner than three finger width
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We a don’t talk about the fact that someone was convicted of stealing half a bottle of ketchup from the Chapman cafeteria enough
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I can’t believe I’m saying this but if you wear a backwards hat and only listen to Coldplay I’m not interested
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The guy I happened to park next to at Costco was blasting “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton and sobbing...hope you’re okay dude...
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Me trying to impress boys at frat parties
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@grahamabyrne_
can we recreate everyone running around morlan screaming and packing hysterically?
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I’ve decided to name all of the spiders that live in my house Enrique Iglesias
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March 7th is my favorite day because Facebook reminds me who pledged to KONY 2012
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In the sixth grade, I had this sub who just locked himself in my choir teacher’s office, and we watched him drink a gallon of almond milk through the window for the entire period
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@lindsaellis
So you went to college to find an emotionally unavailable man who cuffs his jeans???
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Pathetic 20-year-old haiku:
This a fake ID?
No Mr. bouncer it’s real!
...definitely fake...
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My favorite part of National Treasure is when Nic Cage heats up his lean cuisine aggressively before stealing the Declaration of Independence
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A frat boy haiku:
Woah bro I’m so drunk
Bet you can’t finish this fifth
Hahahaha bet
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You can’t cancel me! My high school crush hasn’t seen my glow up yet!!!🤧
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Wait a minute...the principle tried to MURDER Max Keeble because he pulled a prank...and that was just accepted?
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Can you believe that Jeffrey had the AUDACITY to request that we eat at TGI Friday’s the night of MY Winter Formal?!? He didn’t even pay his share of the party bus! I swear he’s being difficult because I said I wanted to just go as friends because I’m not over Chad who’s with Jen
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If y’all keep treating Chris Daughtry this way...I’m going to have to step in
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