CBC Pitchbot (Satire)
@CBCPitchbot
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Status-quo propaganda for the average upper-middle class white Canadian. Satirical. Parody account. Not the CBC. International: @ReutersPitchbot
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BREAKING: Ontario loses the 2022 provincial election
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BREAKING: Country committing genocide against Indigenous population stands with country committing genocide against Indigenous population
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LATEST: Ontario successfully reduces confirmed COVID cases by decreasing testing
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BREAKING: Jair Bolsonaro added to Victims of Communism memorial
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BREAKING: Barrie Police have raided a Hamas headquarters
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wow! here we are!
Opinion | Just because you volunteer for the Waffen-SS doesn't mean you're a “Nazi”
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PPC party headquarters converted into a Spirit Halloween
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BREAKING: Fascist Milhouse wins Conservative leadership race
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Analysis | Are Palestinians justified in resisting occupation and Apartheid? We asked 300 of the most barbaric racists you've ever met in your entire life
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Canadians accidentally gain sympathy for Palestinians for 5 minutes after mistaking videos from Gaza for new footage from Ukraine
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BREAKING: Police nationwide successfully do nothing
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Why are young people struggling to purchase homes? We asked a Toronto landlord who owns 30,000 properties to find out
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Analysis | Israel is releasing 150 women and children as part of a ceasefire deal. But why is Israel holding children hostage? And how many more children being held? We're not asking and neither should you.
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BREAKING: Twitter revokes suspension of CBC Pitchbot after reaching an agreement with Canadian Authorities.
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Analysis | Why do Canadian mining companies own most of the mines on the African continent? We haven't asked anyone and we're certainly not asking now
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FINANCIAL LITERACY: Skipping meals to save money and still can't pay rent? Try dying, economists say
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RCMP union says it will back up any officer who refuses vaccination, as the organization is proud of its long history spreading disease
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incredible
What happened at Elbit in Merrimack yesterday was an act of vandalism – not free speech. At a time of rising antisemitism in America, this must be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I’m grateful to law enforcement for keeping Elbit employees safe.
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Editor's Note: We'd like to personally thank Elliot Page for getting Jordan Peterson suspended from this site by simply being himself.
Thank you for your service sir! 🫡
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Ontario NDP condemn Sarah Jama for saying the same stuff they're now saying but just a few weeks too early
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Ottawa Police say they are keeping the public safe by joining the protests
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Opinion | NATO isn't perfect. Yes, NATO bombed Libya destroying the wealthiest country on the African continent (including a targeted strike against Libya's irrigation system, destroying water access for 70% of the population living in the desert),
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BREAKING: The worst person you know has literally died
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BREAKING: Everyone loses in Ontario's municipal elections
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Ottawa RCMP says no need for deployment against Truckers for Freedom demonstration, as the protestors don't appear to be Indigenous
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Today's headlines:
– In Cuba, a progressive family code for LGBT and women's rights passed in a totalitarian referendum
– In Italy a moderate fascist will become the Prime Minister in what is seen by many as a major step forward for women's representation in the EU
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Josh Horgan says BC cannot fight climate change any faster as the government is currently preoccupied arresting Wet'suwet'en elders on their own land
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“Palestinians are doing anti-Italian discrimination” is a twist even we could never see coming
Disgusting antisemitic protestors swarmed, threatened and assaulted members of the Italian-Canadian community at an official event last night at the AGO in downtown Toronto.
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DEVELOPING: Margaret Atwood throws her hat in the ring to become Canada's J.K. Rowling
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BREAKING: “Millions, perhaps billions” of crimes committed since Olivia Chow elected mayor, Toronto Police say
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I spoke with Prime Minister Netanyahu today. I reiterated Canada's support for genocide, in accordance with international law.
I spoke with Prime Minister
@Netanyahu
today. I reiterated Canada’s support for Israel and its right to defend itself, in accordance with international law. We also spoke about the need for Hamas to immediately and unconditionally release those being held hostage.
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BREAKING: Renegade newcomer joins Conservative leadership race
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BREAKING: Erin O'Toole resigns as Conservative leader, regrets not being racist enough
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Conservatives appoint moderate white supremacist as new interim leader
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So what'd we miss? Anything wild happen like Elon Musk comparing Justin Trudeau to Hitler?
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REPORTS: Doug Ford driving around Etobicoke today to personally tell Ontario workers that they are not now or ever getting paid sick days
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BREAKING: Canada rejects “Apartheid” label for Israel, saying if Israel is an Apartheid State then so is Canada
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Saskatchewan to begin unvaccinating residents starting Monday
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Opinion | We can't keep evacuating communities due to new forest fires. Businesses must stay open.
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We removed all COVID restrictions, including indoor masking. So why are cases rising?
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PM Trudeau condemns Toronto protestors for walking past Mount Sinai hospital on University Avenue, urges city to update road designations with “Palestinians Allowed” and “Palestinians Prohibited”
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Almost 90% of truck drivers are vaccinated. We talked to those that aren't
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Analysis | How have school closures impacted families? We asked five white families doing virtual school from their cottages to find out.
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call for a ceasefire now you genocide supporting coward
In response to the humanitarian crisis impacting Palestinian civilians in Gaza, and to make sure trusted organizations can deliver life-saving services to innocent people, we’re matching donations made to the
@HumCoalition
. Find out how you can help:
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Ottawa Police hoping to repair their image after Trucker Convoy debacle by arresting students protesting school dress code crackdown
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Canada says China should emit less greenhouse gasses when producing goods for Canadian consumption
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come on
"You've got to focus on the most important thing... Russia's energy sector. You’ve got to drive a stake through its heart." Former U.S. national security advisor John Bolton says U.S. sanctions should hit Russian oil and gas, before Putin finds "workarounds."
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It's really scary that these protestors stormed Mount Sinai hospital, flooded the operating rooms and harassed every Jewish person they found. None of this even remotely actually happened, but it's really scary nonetheless
I’ve been torn up by the accounts of protestors infiltrating Mount Sinai Hospital, intimidating Jewish patients and doctors, and threatening our already weakened healthcare system.
These antisemitic actions are intentional attempts at destabilizing the safety and security of…
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Hundreds of millions rally in support of Israel in Ottawa
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Multiple teachers across Canada have been suspended for pro-Palestinian social media activity, with school boards reminding faculty that Canada's schools have a long and proud history of standing with genocide
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SURVEY: How do Canadians feel about wearing masks indoors during the recent spike in child hospitalizations? We asked two doctors and 1200 Freedom Convoy attendees to find out
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BREAKING: Ontario loses provincial election debate
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Are welfare programs fueling homelessness? We literally asked landlords to find out
New social assistance program is fuelling homelessness in Saskatoon, say advocates and landlords
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Do police lie? We sat down with the head of the police union to take a closer look
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IN-DEPTH: Is Pierre Poilievre a fascist?
Fascism is a far-right ultranationalist political phenomenon which seeks to resolve all social contradictions caused by the existing social order with repression and violence.
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BREAKING: World's oldest colonizer in intensive care
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Settler-colony, aged 155, mourns colonizer, aged 96
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Analysis | Why Ukrainians have the right to resist by any means necessary but Palestinians don't
by The Canadian Foreign Ministry
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BREAKING NEWS: Israel lied
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Holocaust collaborators are welcome in Canada but feds draw the line at being Palestinian
Ottawa plans 'multi-stage' vetting process for visa applicants from Gaza amid security fears
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RCMP says it still has not found any individual cases of systemic racism within the organization, as the whole RCMP was built for that purpose
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One more reinfection bro. We'll have herd immunity soon just please one more reinfection. It'll be mild and then we'll all be immune bro I swear just one more reinfection bro. Just one more bro I swear it'll all be good just one more bro I swear just one more reinfection bro
Scientists say that for most healthy adults, COVID-19 reinfections should get easier to deal with as the immune system gains repeat training on how to handle the pathogen.
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What's the current situation in Canada's hospital waiting rooms? We asked three airline CEOs to find out
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It's a sad day for Canada.
Not for any reason in particular, it's just a bit of an embarrassing country
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“Everybody's probably going to get COVID at this point,” says government responsible for stopping the virus
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We've destroyed the public healthcare system with widespread underfunding, understaffing, overworked staff and a complete abandonment on preventative care. So why isn't public healthcare working?
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FINANCIAL LITERACY: Are you a landlord struggling to pay off your mortgage without raising rents? Try selling your investment property and getting a job.
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Canada says that having lived under apartheid, South Africans are too biased to take Israel to international court
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Toronto Police vow to arrest any hospital worker who threatens peaceful white supremacists tomorrow
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Canada condemns Israeli strike on aid convoy that killed one Canadian citizen, saying arms sales to Israel were for killing Palestinians not Canadians
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Is Brazil undergoing a coup attempt? We asked five CEOs of Canadian mining corporations to find out.
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BREAKING: World's most esteemed colonizer, Queen Elizabeth II, has died at the age of 96.
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NDP successfully alienates entire base in attempt to court Andrew Coyne's vote
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Dramatic increase in Canadian media transphobia has alarmed everyone
Dramatic increase in children and youth seeking gender treatments has some experts alarmed
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we agree. Sarah Jama obviously has no place in your racist cowards caucus
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🇨🇦 strongly condemns the extremist settler violence against Palestinians in the West Bank. That's why we voted against a UN motion condemning exactly that one week ago
🇨🇦 strongly condemns the extremist settler violence against Palestinians in the West Bank and is gravely concerned by reports of Palestinian communities being forcibly removed from their lands.
This violence negatively impacts efforts to achieve a negotiated two-state solution.
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Here at CBC, we make sure to cover all political perspectives and give everyone a voice. From the centre-right to the far-right, we make sure every white opinion has a chance to be heard.
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Opinion | Will eugenics give us herd immunity? No. But what if it did?
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PM Trudeau says he disagrees with the ICJ's conclusions on Israel, saying Canada doesn't support indigenous people going to court
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Following increased student activism, IDF soldiers say they no longer feel safe recruiting at McGill university
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BREAKING: Queen Elizabeth is in her final moments, Henry Kissinger already absorbing her life force
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IN-DEPTH: What is a no-fly zone?
A no-fly zone is the restriction of air space enforced by military means. It is established by achieving air superiority over an area, using fighter jets and anti-air systems to destroy all unauthorized aircraft in the designated area.
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what is wrong with you
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What do Indigenous communities think about Canada's Trucker Convoy? We asked seven white anti-vaxxers in Calgary to find out
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Canada is deeply concerned by reports of an Israeli genocide on the Palestinian people supplied with Canadian weapons, but not enough to do literally anything about it
We are deeply concerned by reports of an Israeli military operation in Rafah. It would have devastating impact, putting the lives of Palestinians and foreign nationals,including 🇨🇦s, seeking refuge in grave danger and making the vital delivery of humanitarian aid dangerous. 1/2
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Justin Trudeau takes break from training neo-Nazis in Ukraine to discuss the anti-Semitism of giving Palestinians human rights
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BREAKING: Palestinians reject signing off on their own ethnic-cleansing
Palestinians reject offer to delay their Jerusalem eviction
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BREAKING: Manitoba PCs discover genocidal racism doesn't win elections anymore
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BC NDP minister Selina Robinson apologizes for talking about Palestinians like Canadians talk about Indigenous peoples
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FINANCIAL LITERACY: Already cut back on the avocado toast and still struggling to make rent? Try considering MAID
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Chile heads to the polls today to vote on a brand new constitution— one of the most progressive in the world. But is the country making a mistake? We asked seven Canadian mining executives to find out
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Chrystia Freeland finally lives up to her grandfather's legacy by collaborating in a genocide
Just now in Parliament, Canada once again REFUSED to call for a ceasefire and an end to Israel’s bombardment of civilians in Gaza, which has killed more than 1,000 children in just over a week.
@cafreeland
repeats that Canada “support[s] the State of Israel.”
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Pierre Poilievre says sexual assault threats are completely unacceptable when they're about his wife and not his political opponents
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SCOOP: RCMP hoping to sign Kyle Rittenhouse before the trade deadline
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Ontario releases new public health statement: “Please shut up and die”
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