Today marks one year of our beloved chili’s burning down, R.I.P see you in heaven 😢😭

oops

i just want to travel the world & get drunk af w the loml.

Major NFL suspensions: Ray Rice: beating fiancé; 2 games Adrian Peterson: felony child abuse; 6 games Greg Hardy: beating gf; 10 games reduced to 4 Ezekiel Elliot: hitting women; 6 games Calvin Ridley: 17 games for using FanDuel Josh Gordon: 6 seasons for smoking weed

happy new year

grief is so weird bc one day ur like “meh i’m fine” and then the next day you’re choking back tears in a walgreens while everyone stares at you

Colton from the bachelor rn:

*Customer asks me the simplest question* Me:

📍lactose intolerant people | | | _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | 📍going dairy free _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _| | | | 📍eating dairy anyway and getting sick on a daily basis

*Gets in Uber* My brain- Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Me - “so how long have you been Ubering for?”

Some dude said what’s up to me naked today in the bathroom #communitystyle

Smile if you have a MIP

Whoever tried to tp my house last night, you did a terrible job

Out for dinner in Maui and casually saw Steven Tyler so I asked for a pic with him and got rejected by his daughter #iLoveMaui

Man do I like listening to Justin Bieber while taking a pee during passing period

@jakevrhota @DevinFisch1 Well at least i’m not a virgin

Her: are you DTF? Me: hell yeah, I love fortnite

On our road trip Me: let’s stop at the gas station and get those hot dogs that are in the heaters cuz everything is closed Dad: in my 40 years living. That is one thing I have never done and do not recommend Me 7 hours later: shoulda listened. God damn Hershey squirts