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curtis lumber

@BoronTheFloor

Followers
361
Following
235
Media
777
Statuses
11,022

brooklyn (NYC) based comedian

Joined October 2019
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
5 months
this video is awesome because he’s doing a really bad job
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
incorrect. he gets fat before christmas through magic and therefore the snacks are immaterial to his weight. absolute buffoon post by a fundamentally unserious thinker. ten year old’s idea of what a smart guy would say
@neiltyson
Neil deGrasse Tyson
2 years
If people left carrots, celery, & hot tea for Santa on the table instead of milk & cookies, I bet he’d be much, much thinner.
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
possibly the most psychotic thing anyone does in all of seinfeld is when kramer goes into jerry's fridge and pulls out an uncovered plate with a full sandwich and chips on it
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
9 months
you don't see husbands sitting down to a big plate of bacon and eggs for breakfast only to have it taken from under them and replaced by a bowl of cottage cheese with a slice of pineapple on top anymore
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
i am in charge of making the amazon lord of the rings show look like that. do you guys think i did a good job
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
the only really annoying thing about the EEAAO discourse is the idea that people who didn’t like it couldn’t relate to the intricacies of the immigrant family dynamic. that was the only stuff that was good imo. the hot dog fingers shit was a giant chore that sucked to watch!
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
the sun king is gonna stay number 1 forever
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
getting top near the sopranos/csi pinball machines
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 months
this is what austin butler looked like in dune 2
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
my normally immaculately curated instagram reel feed (turkish alpha/success mindset videos, cats from thailand/korea, dumb guy peaky blinder content) is like 50% this shit now despite having never indicated in any form that i'm interested in this case in the slightest
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
@fuckingnerd i call these things “the big two”
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
10 months
@coopercooperco i’m certain this is because you can block advertisers
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
i think it would be really funny if after the past 2-3 years of breathless and hyperbolic reappraisal of the original the new avatar movie just sucks absolute shit
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
@haylgnar I love to go to my job at University
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
if you think all wes anderson films are the same you have the analytical skills of a baby
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
got the booster. gonna get drunk and go to a rural applebees to really see what this baby can do
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
the masked singer is deeply alienating to me because i cannot imagine what about it would be entertaining to anyone. i cannot understand why someone would want to watch it
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
5 months
the 17 game season has fucked my understandings of how good the various records are. wtf is an 11-6 team? are they a better 10-6 team or a worse 11-5 team? these are very different things
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
5 months
whoever said NBA fans treat this rapist like he’s a make a wish kid was on the money
@NBAMemes
NBA Memes
5 months
As NBA fans, I think we can all agree that we want to witness this moment of D-Rose before he retires. Rose deserves it 🙏🏽
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
made the phantom thread breakfast this morning and good god reynoldss woodcock cholesterol must have been catastrophic. this man’s macros were a disaster
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 months
i still get yelled at for this. best reply was just “silence hetero!”
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@littlemiunshine
docholliday🌑
3 months
What y'alls most liked letterboxd review?
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
@JustMyTweet he cant string two sentences together what are you talking about
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
@cisjender drive is about how being friends with a girl will get you stabbed
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 months
if i smoke weed and drink too much i start to see witcher UI elements over the heads of everyone i pass by outside. shady individual, merchant, elf etc.
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
8 months
the houthi military is following roughly the same level of power creep as the first 5-7 years of GTA online. expect them to have access to the oppressor mk2 within 6-10 months
@JoshuaKoontz__
Joshua Koontz
8 months
29/ More close-up photos of the Houthi F-5's camo pattern.
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
one time in high school i got a ride home from something from one of my black friends' parents and rush was on in the car. a few days later i asked my friend about it later and he was like "he does that whenever white people ride with us i think he thinks you guys all like it"
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
10 months
what do you think casual means
@BaseballQuotes1
Baseball Quotes
10 months
Jackie Bradley Jr. causally throwing a ball over the center field wall 🚀
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
@haylgnar Nightmare interest convo top row
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
the reviews of my letterboxd account are in
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
👏LET👏YOUR👏FEMALE👏FRIENDS👏BECOME👏THE👏JOKER👏
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
@therealaaronk @coopercooperco jeff personally told me to make all of the actors look like skyrim characters with randomized sliders and hes very happy with what i came up with
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
it becomes more and more likely with each passing hour
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
8 months
getting behind the wheel of a motor vehicle or operating heavy machinery 👍
@JayNoir_
JayR 🥷🏽
8 months
What y’all doing after 11 margaritas? I'm curious bout some
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
its genuinely crazy how hard carrie and lowell goes
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
11 months
got my shit sucked 👍
@smDeWittHall
Suzanne DeWitt Hall (Zanne) 🏳️‍🌈
11 months
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
8 months
i actually think something like this should be grounds for impeachment. best case he fucking forgot whatever he was briefed on a few hours before and worst case he openly lied to get people killed. either way he's fucking incapable and needs to go
@spectatorindex
The Spectator Index
8 months
BREAKING: White House spokesman says US officials have not seen or confirmed pictures of atrocities in Israel, saying President Biden based his comments regarding beheaded children on Israeli statements and media reports.
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 months
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
if i ever get a job again im either gonna buy the herman miller gaming chair or a vintage telephone bench
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
11 months
fyi if you jump into the weird texture on the wall in the hallway next to security at JFK terminal 5 you can clip into the concourse without going through security. saves a ton of time if you’re flying jetblue
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
@markthealt this would have been one of my favorite movies of the year if it didnt make me engage with a bunch of epic butt plug jokes to get to the emotional climax
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
buhhhh i dont care about your horoscope what's your starting word in wordle??? like and rt please this could be a 40k rt if it was by one of those dogshit vague affirmations only style accounts on here. i need top also
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
8 months
running???
@edsbs
¡BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL!
8 months
Aaron Rodgers running to grab his AR-15 with a handful of burning sage right now and frantically texting Rogan “IT’S ON”
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
if artie bucco was real he would be a little too into phoebe bridgers
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
@TheShweeb @electricbeef @coopercooperco they could have saved a bunch of money and made the audience a lot happier by just playing a spotify playlist of various video game soundtracks
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
bloomberg with the receipts!!
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
trump was a low average home run hitter a up until a few years ago but he hasn’t had the power in years. liz warren husband post his last great one
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
looks good elon 👍
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
me taking pics of my plants
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
any squirters at LGA airport terminal c???????
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
the only infuriating thing in this article is that apparently a single M&M is called a "lentil" ??????? what the fuck
@CBSNews
CBS News
2 years
M&M characters redesigned for a "more dynamic, progressive world," Mars announces
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 months
@coopercooperco ah, surely the x dot com’s video player is functional and not a big filled mess right?
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
???????
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
remember when giannis leg bent the complete wrong way like two weeks ago
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
11 months
@sahilkapur @RepJeffries israel is one of the most explicitly and proudly racist states i the world 👍
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
no i’m 30
@coopercooperco
F♯A♯∞, fka ☕️
3 years
Can you name a movie?
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
just paid eight dollars including tip for three beers in kalamazoo michigan
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
oh a sporps was happening??? i wouldn’t know i was busy watching some gay little films
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
yo this a sunday ass saturday fr!!!
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 months
who is asking for shit like this
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
@Anythingpork no he isnt
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
@Rachels_Ratchet none of these things are about joe biden
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
@craigbased sometimes ill look back on the proofs and stuff i used to write and think about how they were made by a totally different guy
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
things that do not give you bad guy points in rdr2: burning down a mansion full of people things that do give you bad guy points in rdr2: defending yourself from people attacking you bc you burned down a mansion full of people
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
water hits different when you’re thirsty
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
@coopercooperco everything bagel lel epic
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
you don’t really see sexy blonde women tying a knot in a cherry stem with their tongues anymore huh? what happened with that
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
how are you, as a man, following the order of operations???
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
my longest "what did he mean by this" ever
@alechimboldi
falun gong misty
3 years
very cool thing my brain did where it makes up a woman i hit it off with in a dream, only for her to end up being a distant cousin??
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
it’s insane how badly this app works now. elon is so fucking bad at this shit
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
there is literally no reason why you should be penalized for taunting a guy you just owned on 4th down
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
took another rapid covid test and instead of coming up positive/negative it printed out my SSN and JUNE FIFTEENTH TWENTY TWENTY SEVEN THE COVENANT WILL BE SEALED has anyone else gotten this?
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
@coopercooperco this reminds me of the interviews with the writers after some later seasons episodes of game of thrones. “dany forgot about the iron fleet” etc
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
6 months
@EllieBgarden @ME_1948_Updates @HowardA_AtLaw you're going to bat for a weapons manufacturer *right now*
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
this is everyone on here the last two days
@conner_omalley
Conner O'Malley
5 years
DOW UP NOW
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
i’m a red dead redemption 2 npc and i love taking my gun out and shooting at anyone who rides a horse within eight feet of me
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
now this is podracing
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
she youngin on my brigham
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
the honeycombs beast says “white silence is violence”
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
4 years
sorry not a fun post but today is my 29th birthday and i have decided to get sober. excited to become less funny and interesting at this time
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
@JRubinBlogger care to comment on the status of " the boyfriend"
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
“the horniest wolf provides humor, but always shoots himself in the head” - ancient proverb
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
@coopercooperco Lydia Tárrrrr… not very nice what they did to her
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
the verdict is love your honor
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
let’s relitigate the falklands war england is embarrassing give those islands to argentina
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
10 months
does the LoTR trilogy (extended editions) pass the bechdel test? the answer may surprise you
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
you’re watching sporps? that’s funny. i’m expanding my mind reading about world events and topics
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
best playoffs we’ve had in forever. nothing but bangers
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
@coopercooperco he’s not familiar with the canon yet expects to be taken seriously
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
the only affirmatively cool thing about don draper is that he doesn’t vote
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
@coopercooperco @Steady_Squirrel @notnotnuanced i did this on a spirit airlines flight and almost crashed the plane
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
feel like nobody is calling dollar bills “simoleans” these days
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
1 year
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@Jacob_NYT
Jacob_富不過三代
1 year
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
@coopercooperco "imagine being in high school when strawberry jam and wolf parade EP came out" yeah it fucking sucked if you listened to that stuff you were a loser
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
im getting top at the beach that makes you old
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
getting almost zero pussy wearing my taylor swift long sleeve tee?????
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
meet the mets!
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
getting a lobotomy and becoming an "enthusiastically participates in company wide zoom chat" guy
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
2 years
a partnership between a colossally fraudulent organization and also black rifle coffee company
@dallascowboys
Dallas Cowboys
2 years
🔊 #CowboysNation , please welcome America’s Coffee to America’s Team. We are celebrating America’s birthday all week long by giving away ✌️ tickets to a #DallasCowboys home game & a ☝️-year subscription to @blckriflecoffee ! Click here to learn more.☕️🏈⭐️
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@BoronTheFloor
curtis lumber
3 years
@coopercooperco that ice aesthetic has stuck with me for like 25 years wrt how cool it was. snowmobiles and translucent orange chainsaws and shit
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