Bliss Beach
@BlissBleach
Followers
340,855
Following
307,617
Media
1,042
Statuses
46,165
Will selfies cause future humans to evolve longer arms or smaller skulls?
The Beach
Joined May 2012
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Pinned Tweet
The best way for Trump to prove he's not a racist is to deport the 30,000,000 illegals in America that are stealing welfare, jobs, and school choices away from America's blacks.
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Will future generations evolve longer arms because of selfies?
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A punch in the mouth is a great way to change the subject.
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Man texted: "I want you to be my little angle."
I answered: "Do you want me to be obtuse, right, or acute?"
Two days have passed, no reply.
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Writers are bitching about 140 characters. If you can't make a point in two sentences, how good is that book of yours really going to be?
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"I'm probably the only optimist left on the planet."
That's called "pessimism," fool.
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I don't mind being lied to if it's an elaborate conspiracy with lots of preparations, schemes, and plot twists because I'm worth all that.
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The problem with hurting the one you love is it's like swatting a fly on your own face... with a hammer.
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"Alcohol is just water with feelings in it," said the girl that failed chemistry class.
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"I'm blocking you because you're advertising other users."
It's called "retweeting," lady, go back to Facebook and friend yourself.
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If I didn't know better I'd think some of you were tweeting from prison.
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You wouldn't bring a knife to a gunfight so why'd you bring your feelings to a fact fight?
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I spent 20 minutes in the ladies' room consoling a fat friend because her shadow set off 3 sink faucets, 2 hand dryers and a soap dispenser.
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Warning: I read bios, peek at timelines, and I retweet whatever I feel like retweeting.
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Twitter allows us to have thousands of friendly interactions with drug addicts without the guilt ladened panic when we misplace our jewelry.
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How many cute butts go unnoticed because we're too busy staring at our devices?
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Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.
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"It's just twitter..."
Really? You're not wonderstruck by it?
You are tapping on a device and communicating with the entire fucking World.
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Craft your tweets to have innuendo, double entendre, and sexual rhythm then sit back and wait for all that to be ignored.
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Falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks but the families of shark victims are a lot less embarrassed.
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If the word "followers" means "disciples" to you, maybe you should go back to Facebook.
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I don't mind if you lie to me, but there better be a surprise party soon after.
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Twitter fame is like real fame minus the rented Lamborghini.
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I smell doughnuts.
It may be related to my standing here, in this Krispy Kreme, with my face smashed against the glass as I watch them fry.
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Before you disrespect women on Twitter just remember she might be your father.
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According to Star Trek, flip phones are poised to make a HUGE comeback.
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I don't trust people who can smile, laugh, or cry on cue.
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Do dictators grow moustaches to prevent us from drawing one?
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Here we can have all the fun of a narcotic addiction without the expense, the prison time, or the brain damage.
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We don't get paid for this shit, but in ten years we'll point back to our Favstar and say,
"Look children, that guy on TV just copied this."
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The word "vortex" sounds so sophisticated, but remember folks we create a vortex every time we flush a toilet.
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The dying generations are not more intelligent than we are, but they were more mature at the age of thirteen than we will be at ninety.
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Lie to the World and you're a lawyer or a politician, but lie to yourself and you're just a fool.
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"Your ego is not your amigo..."
It's like a mosquito in a speedo.
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She's too busy tweeting about love to glance up and find it.
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What's the good girl to bad girl ratio on Twitter?
I want to make sure I stay on the right team...
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Find out what stimulates you and do it until you pass out.
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Photography, now the World's most competitive profession...
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In the future, coma patients will be wired to the internet, and their tweets will be more exciting than yours.
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This is NOT a trick shot, it's one guy with bad Frisbee aim, one who can't drive a boat, and an idiot who CAN catch.
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If the President can follow back 653K then what's wrong with the rest of you lazy famous people?
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Twitter, where a girl can get compliments from the creepy ones and still enjoy the feeling.
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Dear trolls,
I won’t block you until AFTER I've finished giggling at your utter stupidity.
Thank you.
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"If I tell you my problems then I'm testing you." ~Math
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We all have our demons behind us, leave yours in 2013...
and have a Happy New Year!
http://t.co/8oZLrcOSof
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Ignore me because you're so cool
Now, block me so I know it's real.
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I love everybody on Twitter,
except the ones I've blocked.
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A punch in the mouth is a great way to change the subject.
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Release your frustrations with us, and prevent shooting the humans around you.
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Does this :(( mean real sad or just sad with a double chin?
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How am I supposed to know that you can read if your bio is empty?
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Warning: I read bios, peek at timelines, and I retweet whatever I feel like retweeting.
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A tweet is a personal expression.
If you express yourself and lose a "follower" you never had their attention in the first place.
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Valentine's Day was more fun to look forward to when men had jobs.
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The Dalai Lama said, "Once a year, go someplace you've never been before."
Does taking a shower in a truck stop count?
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I use voice changing software to read all of your tweets in Darth Vader’s voice.
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Yes, those diamonds in your teeth are shiny, but your vocabulary is still limited and now you have a speech impediment.
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How many temper tantrums per hour are normal, four or five?
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Friends with benefits should just be called "frasms"...
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"I restart the whole song when I miss my favorite part."
Oh yeah?
I replay my song until every note is etched in my brain, or until I puke.
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I think that "addiction" is the wrong word for the enthusiastic abuse of eating, breathing, or sex...
I mean, who can survive without sex?
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If you aren't live-tweeting then you're just an advertising robot.
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Some tweets are polished works of art, some are noble efforts, but MOST are like kids’ cut-and-paste projects thumbtacked to our timelines.
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"You're cute, so I'm going to act awkward."
With me, awkward is not an "act"...
*stares into your eyes*
*walks into sign post*
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Just because you think it's true doesn't mean you're right.
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The only reason I'm not married yet is because I'm scared. What if a stranger yelled "I had her!" during the vows?
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I love getting nice messages, but I always feel disappointed when I see they've tweeted the same bullshit to hundreds.
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