Inspiring @hellenkillah with random t shirt inspirational quotes: The comeback is always greater than the set back Be better not bitter Death is Inevitable

When people say be better, they mean like get new bangs... they always need bangs.

Day 9000 I’m backkkk

My new phrase .... “Rhombus of doubt.” Band name: “Rhombus of Doubt” Sentence: “I had no rhombus of doubt.” Catch phrase: “I give no rhombus of doubt.”

Shout out to the survivors

Dammit with all these fakes and morganite... don’t name your kid Morgan everybody or they will automatically be impersonating a Diamond.

Facebook... because every scumbag needs a soapbox.

If I had my own show, I’d be competing with jersey shore and Kelly Clarkson.

Kid shows are like porn, if you can think of it, it’s out there.

After I watch the season finale of Game of Thrones, I’m going to watch Judge Judy where people are suing the writers for ruining 8 years of character development.

“Sometimes monsters where Dockers.”

Micheal Jackson’s documentary should have been called “Free Candy Mansion.”

How am I livin? Burning the @diptyqueparis candles at both ends.

You ever see someone and wonder what strange messages they send their friends... like I wonder if that girl is texting “I just turded that bowl.”

I want to make YouTube tasting reviews about vegan foods vs the real foods they are impersonating.

Age 20, owning decorations: I have this one small box for my trendy apartment Age 30: where the fuck do I hide this elf so the little shits don’t find it... what about these 15 boxes too 🤔 can I skip Christmas? Does that ruin families? Fuck this... pours wine.

Setting children up for failure is exactly what people are doing by naming their kids things they could never aspire to be. Good luck, lil Tesla.

Where's the help button for forgetting passwords you forget to add to the password key? And no, I'm not willing to make a new password.

Please bury me in #UltraAbercrombie

Recently found out I’m considered a millennial... which makes me depressed.