I had cocaine nose at my house during lock down while my girl slept

I took a Waymo today for the first time and it refused to depart until I pledged allegiance to ICE.

Join millions who have switched to Grok.

Y’all got radioactive shrimp from Walmart. I got one from putting my cell phone where my pleats meet while driving.

Yall think Epstein is dead.

I asked Chat GPT to fix a pic of Owen Wilson’s nose and it knocked the eastern seaboard power grid off-line for seven minutes.

From the producers of Young Sheldon comes “Young Maron” this fall on CBS

Lubricant is incredible but can you imagine how good lubri can would work.

Opinions are like butt holes: if you post a picture of yours online, someone will like it, no matter how disgusting it is.

Most people don’t know this, but Toys “R” Us actually went out of business because that “R” was hard.

Reverse cow girl is a sex move where the girl is on top, turns around; then leaves rural Texas for NYU in pursuit of a career in civil rights litigation.

This is one way to try and get her back.

Entitled sensitive men love guns the most.

Manic episode? You mean believing in myself wholeheartedly, uninterrupted, for 36 hours.

If they can get you on Fort Stewart, the “good guy with a gun” argument is dead.

My daughter turned 8 months today. Can’t talk yet but she’s still smarter than 50% of the country, especially anyone believing a hostile alien ship is headed towards earth.

New Dad here. Got a quick question that I could probably google but I wanna see what the Internet thinks. How long after a baby is born do you find out whether or not it’s cake?.

Ft Worth August 8th @hyenasftw

Can’t wait to fight one of these for access to clean drinking water

Did they invite her to eat their stray cats?.

I don’t know if this is advanced. She might be right on track, but my seven month old is already code switching.

A lot of people pretending they don’t love cold play this week. That’s almost as sad as pretending they don’t love cheating on their wives.