Big Toofed Blonde
@BigToofedBlonde
Followers
41,295
Following
1,413
Media
11,967
Statuses
33,608
Stolen for a year. I’m bringing teeth back. Future crazy cat lady.
White Van
Joined September 2021
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Facebook is the worst. 3 yrs ago I was ghosted by all my “friends” after I filed for divorce. 2 days ago I posted pics of my daughters prom and suddenly I get 300 likes/replies “She’s stunning.” They can comment on my daughter’s pics but never once reach out to ME in 3 years?
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16 is singing in her school choir tonight. She’s a star. A legit star. So I have to be the prettiest mom at school. It’s the law.
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One of the saddest things about divorce is not being able to see your children on some/all holidays. But my daughter called me last night (she usually only texts) and I’m still smiling over it.
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Fall fresh hair. It’s actually more of a summer blonde but who’s counting?
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I got dressed. For 2 hours. Now I’m back in my robe watching Jeopardy. The best kind of Friday Night.
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So I did a thing while I was away. Drank beer. 🍺
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Welcome to your 40s. You put ground pepper on everything you eat. Why? No idea. Ya just do.
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#tbt
09.07.2019. 4 years ago today. It’s crazy what memories a picture can trigger. I remember taking this selfie. Even tho I was at my happy place, I was sad. So much has changed since then. I’m still healing and growing every day. But I’m thankful for how far I’ve come. 💛
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Had a great lunch with an old friend today. Cheers to the future. It’s going to be amazing.
#FridayVibes
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Quite a different holiday season for me this year. But I’m finding my peace. Merry Christmas to all.
#MerryChristmas
🎄☕️
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I thought after my divorce I’d be out partying every night. Meeting new people. Prolly go through some horrific mid-life crisis. But I’d rather be home with wine and my cats. Go fucking figure.
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The golden hour is better than any other hour. Except maybe happy hour. Cheers. ☀️🍷
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That morning glow you can only get from a good night’s sleep and a great cup of coffee in the early Spring sun. And a lil’ filter helps. ;)
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10 min before this pic I was in sweats with zero makeup. I’m the queen of the 5 min makeover. Saluté!
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It’s not a vacation until you take a hot tub selfie. It’s science.
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My daughter is now 18. Am I obligated to feed her still?
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Cheers to another year of this crazy yet amazing life. 🍷
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Men … why do you flush the toilet before you are done peeing? Legitimate question. Cuz every man I’ve ever heard go pee-pee does this. So do NOT deny it.
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You have to post a selfie on the last night of vacation. It’s the law.
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My daughter just drove away in my car alone for the first time ever. I’m not ok.
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The saddest part of divorce is not having your children when you need them. 💔
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“You can’t have a bad day in polka dots.”
~ Anna Kendrick
Me: She’s right.
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To those who have followed my silliness over the years … and the newbies, too. Thanks for the fun & laughs on this crazy app. I am blessed to call so many of you my friends. In honor of 20k this is my very first AVI. If you remember this you’ve been here too long.
#20kfollowers
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Happiness is … coffee and cats on a Sunday morning at Christmastime. ☕️🐈⬛🎄
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Going out on a Thursday like some kind of young person. I’ll be home by 8 like the old person I am. Saluté 🍸
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I forgot what it’s like to crank up the music. Feels fucking great!
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Having to act like strangers after being with someone for 25 years will never not suck.
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I don’t know who these girls are but we made besties in the bathroom.
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I’m brain dead today but thank you all for your thoughtful birthday wishes!!! ☺️
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“I’ve Got 2 Wings” 🎶
@eltonofficial
#EltonJohn
Shameless bathroom selfie. With a prop like this … how can you not? 👼
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When the restaurant bathroom has wings on the wall … you take advantage. It’s the law. 🪽
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2 of 2: I wanted to come with my own design. I’m not even sure what I am … I’m calling it “Serpent girl fights leopard.”
#HappyHalloween
😂🐆🐍
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Welcome to your 40s … you panic when you have plans that involve driving after dark cuz night blindness is real. Best to stay home with wine and movie. Safer.
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Being home alone on a Friday night makes me wanna do naughty things. Like having a large pizza delivered.
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This is my post-holiday lazy smile golden hour car selfie.
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Unpopular onion … the movie “Elf” is unfunny.
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I just wrote out 3 checks. By hand. With a pen. I placed them in 3 different envelopes with 3 forever stamps. Like it’s 1954.
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Last weekend I spent hours in a casino without putting a red cent into gambling. I have zero interest. Could you guys do that?
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If you don’t know who Mr. Roper is we can’t hang.
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Can’t afford gas but at least bacon went from $8/lb to $5. I’ll just stay home and eat all the bacon.
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Sometimes I just gotta rock the fuck out with my stank face. 😜🤘🏻
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Does everybody love Ginger Ale or am I a weirdo? I feel like it’s the healthy soda. 😂
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Thanks for all the advice on cars. In the end I went with the “practical” and “economical” choice cuz apparently I’m a lame grown up now.
The winner: Hyundai Tucson
The size/price/feel is right for me. It’s cute and blue to match my eyes. That’s all that matters. 😉
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If you have salad with pizza they cancel each other out. Which leaves room for ice cream.
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The moment has passed … but this was it. ✨🦷🪥
I posted a selfie of my post-dentist clean teeth but the pic isn’t loading. Did my teeth break twitter? 😂🦷
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I just mailed out the very last piece of unfinished business after 1.5 years of sheer hell. My coffee tastes a lot better this morning.
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Saw the total eclipse. It was amazing! Then I tried to pee in the woods and hit my head on a sharp branch, gashed my forehead and was gushing blood into my eyes. Good times! 🌙
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I took my girl out for a celebratory lunch after her job interview. I was making an ig video to tell family and friends the good news. Apparently she was taking pics of me. Could I be any more excited/proud? 😂🤪
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Finally calm after a whirlwind of a few months with my move. Hopefully closing Friday. Took an impromptu drive to my happy place to destress and unwind. Thank you all so much for all the positive words and well wishes.
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Unpacking makes me realize that I left behind everything nice I ever owned in the last 25 years. But starting new with nothing is better than living in misery with shiny things. I may not have shiny new things anymore … but I feel pretty shiny and new.
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Happiness is Sunday mornings with coffee, music and cats. It’s science.
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