When I was little we used to take wiffle ball bats and swing at them when they were lighting up so the glowy part stuck to the bat. Have to imagine they’re making a comeback since I retired from that.

I watched. It was alright.

RT @DannyJConrad: That’s one way to never forget

We call this versatility

I’ve never seen The Dark Knight

Told FMN I was going to pack a book for our trip and she laughed out loud at me 😕.

On the train to work this morning when a transgender person gets on holding 3 butt plugs while talking to their grandma on speakerphone letting her know that their moms boyfriend cheated last week. Grandma was pissed. The tea is piping hot this morning on the red line.

Cubs just don’t have the power or the speed.

Too many dudes in my office enjoy pairing their khaki colored pants with the blackest of black shoes. It actually hurts my eyes. I wish they would stop.

Ahh yes my favorite Cub!!!!

I should start a business where I snag future IG handles of girls that just got engaged and hold them for ransom.

Cubs missing playoffs.

RT @brockcockwalk: Say the line @BigGlennNetwork

Do I wish I saw Sabrina Carpenter at Lolla? Perhaps.

Mutual Monday!. Reply to this tweet and I’ll give you a Chicago bar we should go to together and what I’d order us to drink.

You guys think Jeff Bezos knows approximately 100% of his delivery drivers talk on the phone when they work?.

Blimp.

We out here bourbon tasting

Absolutely phenomenal tasting. Doesn’t fill me up even a little bit. Miller Lite.

Fellas we are running out of Saturdays to get in the good graces of our ladies before college football starts and we’re in front of a TV all day. Go do something nice for her today.

Found a great deal on a scooter. Getting some pushback from FMN. This is a battle. Wish me luck.