The Betoota Advocate
@BetootaAdvocate
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Australia's oldest newspaper.
Betoota, QLD
Joined October 2014
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Scotty From Marketing Suddenly Tests Positive To Covid Just As All The Hard Work Begins:
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Pell Funeral Procession Accidentally Take Body To Cathedral Instead Of Landfill Where The Cunt Belongs
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Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads out there doing their best to raise healthy Aussie kids. Even when you’re separated from each other due to outside factors like distance, work or The Department Of Home Affairs. Today is for you! ❤️❤️❤️
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Scotty From Marketing’s Staff Prepare His Pre-Muddied Disaster Costume Ahead Of Lismore Visit:
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Avalon Super Spreaders Surprisingly Not Getting Same Coverage As Black Teenagers From Logan:
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Jesus Phones Scott To Remind Him That He’s Being A Pretty Shithouse Christian Right Now:
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Scotty From Marketing Selflessly Cuts Week Long Hawaiian Holiday Short By 45 Minutes:
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Irish Backpacker In Bondi Wonders Why $90M Wasn’t Spent Torturing Him Over An Expired Visa Too:
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Scotty Interrupts Women Discussing Endometriosis To Explain Ibuprofen Works Well To Treat Pain
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“If You’re Worried About This Jab We Don’t Have, You Can Always Use Our App That Doesn’t Work”
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Bloke Who Studied Economic Geography At Uni Says We Need To Focus On Relevant Degrees:
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Report: Why Do The Blokes Who Wanna Let The Virus Rip Always Look Like They’d Be First To Die?
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QLD Premier: “Fuck You And Fuck Your Bullshit National Cabinet. Give Us Some More Fucken Jabs”
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Victoria Take A Break From Booing Aboriginal AFL Stars To Focus On Booing Public Health Efforts:
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ABC Hoping To Bring A More Chilled Out Vibe To Q&A After Naming Costa Georgiadis As New Host:
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Humiliated Australian Media To Continue Pretending The Liberals Didn’t Just Lose Twenty Seats:
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PM Decides Against Firing An AR15 Into Crowded Cronulla Shopping Mall After A Chat With Jenny:
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Andrew, we never referred to you as a pedophile. We called you a 'suss cunt'.
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PM Ridicules Albo's Health Kick As If Every Aussie Bloke Isn’t Currently Panicking About The Possibility Of A Heart Attack:
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Q&A Ratings Take Hit As Nation Grows Tired Of Watching Elitists Argue Same Shit For 20 Years:
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Report: How Fucking Embarrassing For All Of You
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Exhausted ICU Nurse Immediately Joins The CFMEU After Seeing Them Punch On With Anti-Vaxxers:
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Five People That Hate Each Other Pose For Photo In Bushfire Ravaged Town That Also Hates Them:
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Real Estate Agent Looking Cunt Somehow Still Making A 2nd Wave Seem Better Than The Liberals:
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Pauline Hanson Tells Great Barrier Reef Its Ok To Be White:
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Report: What The Fuck Is It With These Failed Art Students?
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Report: Every Selfish Cunt Who Sat On This Beach Yesterday Should Be Ashamed Of Themselves:
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Australians Left Feeling Confused After Seeing A Prime Minister Do Something During A Disaster:
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Rest In Peace King. The best to ever to do it.
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Murdoch Media Far More Interested In 48-Year-Old’s Sore Back Than Critically Ill Little Girl:
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2021 Chucks In A Few Earthquakes For The Fuck Of It:
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Unsullied Eunuchs To Guard Melbourne’s Quarantined Hotels From Now On, Says Premier Andrews:
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Scott Morrison Names Michaelia Cash As The Newly Created Minister For Karens:
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PM: “Killing Unarmed Black Men Is One Thing, But Don’t You Dare Touch The Sunrise Cameraman!”
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Report: Imagine How Dead These People Would Be If They Weren’t White
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PM Wanders Into Blue Mountains With Jerry Can And Matches In Last Ditch Effort To Change News Cycle:
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A Year To The Day That We Found Out He’d Run Off To Hawaii, Scotty From Marketing Has Gone Quiet Again:
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Australia Enjoys Another Peaceful Day Under Oppressive Gun Control Regime:
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Jenny Tells PM To Look At Facebook Changes As If His Own Daughters Were Independent Newspapers:
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World’s Largest Economic Superpower Oddly Unfazed By Hurt Feelings Of Cronulla Marketing Guru:
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“Now Is Not The Time To Discuss How We Ignored Decades Of Warnings That This Would Happen”
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The Betoota Advocate Offices Raided By AFP Over 1997 Engadine McDonalds Leaks:
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Remember When ASIO Specifically Warned Dutton About The Growing Threat Of Extremist Far-Right Propaganda?
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Government That Locks Little Girls In Cages So Dark That Their Teeth Fall Out Says Don’t Be Cruel!!!
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Folau Supporters Make Radical U-Turn On Free Speech As Black Origin Players Boycott Anthem:
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Australia Enjoys Another Peaceful Day Under Oppressive Gun Control Regime:
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Report: This Motherfucker Better Not Drop An RUOK On Us
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Kevin Forced To Mow The Lawn At Kirribilli After Watching PM Neglect His Duties For Months:
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Bill Shorten Begins Studying Videos Of Steven Bradbury’s 2002 Olympic Gold Medal Win:
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Djokovic Sent To Pick Fruit Out The Back Of Griffith After Arriving In Melbourne With Wrong Visa:
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Jenny Morrison Convinces PM To Stop Throwing Bricks From Grand Parade Overpass: “Think Of Our Girls”
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Journo’s Trick Question Backfires As Albo Is Able To Name Entire Rabbitohs 1971 Grand Final Side:
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Alan Jones Bullies Opera House Into Promoting His Mate’s Gumtree Ad For A 2008 Landcruiser:
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Local Raving Inner-City Lunatic Asks An Invisible Sky Man To Stop The Bush Fires:
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Victorian Libs Divided Over Which Soft Handed Toff Should Lead Them Into Landslide Election Loss:
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Nation Begins To Understand Why Scotty Got The Arse From All Those Marketing Jobs
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Betoota welcomes the economic boost that has resulted from Victorians making their way home from The Gold Coast without crossing the Tweed.
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Pete Evans Now Blind, Suffering Carbon Monoxide Poisoning After Refusing To Wear Welding Mask:
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Stupid Drunk Idiot Crashes His Car Because He Is An Entitled Rich Boy Who Is Unfit For Politics:
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NewsCorp Bosses Draw Straws Over Who Has To Tell Andrew Bolt That Pedophilia Is Illegal:
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Anti-Vaxxers Complaining About Their Freedoms Urged To Take A Fucken Look Around:
12
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Peter Dutton Pops By Barnaby Joyce’s Office To Wish Him Best Of Luck For The Leadership Spill:
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Scotty From Marketing Whips Up A Zesty Sri Lankan Curry From Cook Book Left Behind In Biloela:
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“No Jab For Me” Says Byron Woman Who Lets Untrained Colonics Gurus Blast Her Rectum With Litres Of Water
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