Blasted dog stole me nugget!

I love to eat potato chips and drink beer

Your nano technology will save us all broski

I want to control you like a puppet to do my evil bidding bruh lend me your capable strong body

Sorry I just woke up from a nap that made me want to harm myself and this post is how I've chosen do do it

Cracking raw eggs into my mouth from about 8 inches up letting them splash a little around my lips and then swallowing/gulping like a good little piggie

They don't work for me because I'm 5'6 and bald, I do legitimately kill people though

I lost 100 dollars on bug racing bets because I forgot slugs are slow as fuck lol

Spotify successfully gaslit me into thinking I'd never heard A Different Shade of Blue by Knocked Loose because it removed all the songs from my library lol but I used to lift and listen to this all the time

I swear to god when I drink piss it goes straight to my bladder lol

I didn't think they'd start trapping people in crystals for another decade at LEAST

If I stabbed someone with my resin knife they would surely get high as balls and be like woah man lol u stabbed me haha what the heeeeck

Lol crap my slime seeped into the soil

It's shave your shoulders Thursday

Wow look all the beautiful eartho's.., hello ladies , do you like my saucer lol yeah it's pretty schweet

Dude your chitinous cousin is looking at me weird bro I'm gonna crack that fuckin exoskeleton if he doesn't back off

Hello would any of you ladie's like to come into my space ship

My dog gets incredibly annoying if I don't throw his ball 100 times in one second

Do you have any good buzzwords for me today

https://t.co/dVa6lxde9l

I'm fat as fuck please let me Just enjoy the cold, I melt all other times of the year, and it's only getting warmer,