B.W. Carlin
@BaileyCarlin
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Founder @BadBrainDC | Adjunct: @Marist | Former Teacher who dropped out of grad school to tweet | Past: Sports Illustrated, XFL, Dan Le Batard Show, Barstool
Bushwick, Brooklyn
Joined August 2009
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
A couple weeks ago I had to check myself into the hospital due to severe anxiety and depression.
I'm, obviously ^^^, struggling a lot right now, but I'm getting better and hope this story may help someone out there on
#WorldMentalHealthDay
Love you all
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I have been informed by a relative who is a middle school teacher that students are now referring to coronavirus as the “boomer remover”
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White blood cells showing up to help the body fight infection and other disease
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If Kiss Me Thru the Phone had come out during Coronavirus it would’ve been the
#1
song in the history of music
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“Ice and Spice, just how I like my margaritas! Ha, I’m Jason”
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What fruit/vegetable do you think you could throw the farthest? I think my answer is an avocado. Apple is close, but the slip factor is too high. I think I could absolutely GUN an avocado
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Addison Rae started doing dances on TikTok and now her dad is an embarrassing public disgrace and her mom is making out with Yung Gravy at the VMAs. Tough break
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SPONGEBOB IS WATCHING. FUCKING SPONGEBOB. PUT ME IN THERE.
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We are moments away from entering our fourth calendar year of ceiling ball
I bought those balls you’re supposed to be able to throw at the ceiling and they stick for a couple seconds then fall down.
It has not come down. It has been 10 minutes.
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Imagine having to get back in your car and drive home like this
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need it
I need Nickelodeon to do a companion broadcast on election night. Patrick from SpongeBob explaining the electoral college and slime being dumped on the losing candidate during their concession speech
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Let him cook
Lionsgate is looking to do a modern remake of ‘AMERICAN PSYCHO’.
(Source: )
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Obsessed with this guy who thinks he invented hanging out
Do you know what a "bottle night" is?
Probably not, because my gf and I invented it during a 2023 blizzard in Buffalo, NY.
We lock our phones away, turn the TV off...
Each grab a bottle of wine, and talk.
That's it, we simply talk and enjoy each other's presence.
We live…
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God forbid men have hobbies
Arkansas men arrested for taking turns shooting each other while wearing bulletproof vest after drinking
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You mean it wasn’t undocumented immigrants?! No way!
Remember all those smash-and-grab videos of store theft? Now meet the suburban housewife and her husband behind an $8 million nationwide shoplifting ring. 😏
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Biden’s face at seeing Marjorie Taylor Greene is killing me
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“I’M HIT”
The shooter:
The deputy misinterpreted the sound of an acorn striking the patrol vehicle as a gunshot.
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Idea: We all combine of our $1200 stimulus checks and buy the Knicks
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Someone in Bushwick has been cooking a stew in a public park for 33 days and the FAQ section is quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen
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Losing my mind at this
The Paramount+ Super Bowl commercial spot, presented without comment (but oh my god I promise you want to watch this)
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George Lopez just dropped the greatest TikTok of all-time
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The Voice has had 900 seasons and hasn’t produced a single famous person
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Youth sports coaches giving a nickname to the fattest kid on the team
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Absolutely FLEECED them. Two pandas for nothing?
BREAKING: China to send two pandas to the San Diego Zoo as an act of 'panda diplomacy' towards the United States
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Him being 7 years younger than her all-but guarantees he was in love with her during HSM times.
What a legend
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The Libs ending up with football in the great Woke cultural divide is the biggest upset in the history of time
If he was a real man, he’d put a ring on it and get her pregnant.
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Anthony Davis (boner) Doubtful
Lakers star Anthony Davis had a spasm of his groin and is attempting to see if he can return for second half vs. Heat, per sources.
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It’s always jarring to see that when government actually wants to do something they can swiftly and effectively.
They do not care about the real issues hurting us.
BREAKING: US House officially passes bill that would force TikTok sale or face ban
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Me in 8th grade when my crush started losing interest in me
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The coach of Texas looks like he’s about to take down the entire Salamanca family
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My man got as close as possible without going over a dollar. Legend.
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This kid’s dad has DM’d LITERALLY every single professional sports account I’ve ever worked on 10+ times. Sometimes hundreds. Sports Illustrated, XFL, Barstool begging to be posted.
It’s the saddest case of vicariously living through a kid I’ve ever seen. Hope it works out.
From
@TheAthletic
: Baby Gronk is a 10-year-old whose father is pitching him as the next big thing in college football. “He’s a real athlete. He’s not a normal kid,” his father told us. “He has been trained and programmed since he was 6 years old.”
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Buffalo shooter was investigated after threatening SCHOOL shooting last year - but still legally bought three guns
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Nick Castellanos playing during a period of global tension and panic is like his own personal steroid era
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The Spotify intern who had to find every racial slur in Joe Rogan’s catalog
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Tom Thibodeau to Taj Gibson whenever a big gets injured
He’s back! Free agent F/C Taj Gibson is signing a 10-day contract with the New York Knicks, Mark Bartelstein of
@PrioritySports
tells ESPN.
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It’s remarkably funny how conservatives can so rarely tell who is making fun of them
NEW: Bud Light appears to be in desperation mode, partners with right-leaning comedian Shane Gillis.
Remarkable.
Gillis, who is a polar opposite from Dylan Mulvaney, is popular for his gay jokes and pro-conservative takes.
“Gay Vikings. Dude, you're just some villager looking
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Cigarettes inside
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THE MLB IGNORED STEROID USE TO PROFIT AND GROW THE SPORT LET BARRY BONDS IN THE HALL OF FAME
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Pat McAfee could not contain himself when Rodgers said he’s taking Joe Rogan’s advice
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When you’re up 30 with 7 minutes left so you call Jalen Brunson’s up off the bench
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Just doing a little shit talking with the fellas by publicly accusing celebrities of being a pedophile
"I can see exactly why Jimmy Kimmel felt the way he felt, especially with his position. But I think Aaron was just trying to talk shit."
Pat McAfee opens his show by responding to the fallout and threats of legal action coming out of his Tuesday interview with Aaron Rodgers
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Weather app
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You can absolutely always rely on 11-13 year olds with no understanding of the world to provide levity. Without fail.
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I love him so much. I will mourn him as he’s devoured in just mere hours
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I’ve been working on this show for 9 months.
This was easily my most jaw-dropping, enjoyable moment
A live caller tried to get me with a Cars question…it didn't go well for him
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DK Metcalf learning sign language to shit talk opponents without getting fined has gotta be the funniest length anyone has ever gone to for shit talking
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Prepared statement DURING March Madness BEFORE an article even comes out my goodness what do they have on her
Kim Mulkey with a lengthy statement regarding a forthcoming article that the
@washingtonpost
is working on.
#LSU
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NBC News: Trump is using his phone in the courtroom, openly flouting the rules of the courtroom. Blanche just told him to stop and Trump tucked the phone in his pocket while looking annoyed.
@MSNBC
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I am asking, respectfully, for Dua Lipa to run me over with her car
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I can’t get over the situation Kelce has gotten himself into. He’s faced with:
1. Getting destroyed lyrically
2. Getting called a distraction for the team
3. Millions of women turning on him
4. Absolute glory if it works out
I wish him the best
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Travis Kelce when people keep asking about Taylor Swift
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Having a “The Bear” summer:
- Panic attacks
- Disassociating
- Living in past trauma
- Eating a lot of sandwiches
- Calling people cousin
- Shouting
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Imagine she had a gun
They make her walk thru a metal detector?!?
Also Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman are insanely famous dudes and they don’t even THINK of mentioning them or getting them in focus. Taylor casts a big shadow.
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Me buying shots for all my friends at the bar even though I had $200 to my name
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@BRADHOLME5
I genuinely don’t believe being estranged from my parents and watching my mother make out with a man named “Yung Gravy” is worth $15 mil
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She cooked you 😭😭😭😭
I asked South Carolina head coach Dawn Staley if she supports transgender women (biological males) playing women's college basketball.
"If you consider yourself a woman and you want to play sports or vice versa, you should be able to play."
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Getting blasted in the face with a ring light at 2:17 am while your wife feeds the baby is so funny
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Bro imagine Anthony Rizzo, Kris Bryant and Javy Baez were on the same team? They’d be unstoppable
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Me taking a break and sitting in the grass after getting too drunk at a concert
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This is a WWE golden-era level entrance.
Unbelievably tough.
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“And let’s go live to the Bird & Taurasi show where they’re weighing in on Caitlin Clark”
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God forbid men have hobbies
@sweatystartup
Porn + Uber Eats + sports betting + weed + heavy drinking
Insanely destructive habits, and unfortunately the agenda of a lot of guys every weekend
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I think this is actually the meanest thing anyone could ever say about someone
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The lions having real life access to Tim Robinson is a social media cheat code
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Reminder that this is what Capitol Police did to disabled peaceful protestors three years ago who simply wanted better healthcare.
Dragged out of wheelchairs.
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Trump is actively trying to cut the United States’ Department of Education’s budget by $5.6 billion dollars. LeBron James himself has pledged $42 million dollars to provide scholarships to eleven hundred underserved students.
LeBron also built a school.
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There are absolutely zero scenarios in which I can imagine myself not moving so a family could sit together.
People have gotten so comfortable being awful and bragging about it online lmao
starting fights over on facebook bc i will die on this hill that my life is not expendable for your own convenience bc you have kids and i don’t. absolutely the fuck not.
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I finally have the courage to admit that I sent this tweet without permission after the entire company got wiped out. I did it. It was my greatest tweet ever and I will never top it. ESPN cited it as "The XFL's only official comment."
Feels good to get this off my chest.
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Teddy Roosevelt got shot mid-speech, said “it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose” and finished, but yeah this bozo benching 105 in jeans is the peak male form
RFK Jr. is probably the most jacked presidential candidate we’ve ever had.
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I have a student who (very generously) brings me a coffee every week before class.
I complained the other week that my straw was too short.
Bodied me today
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