Brandon Calvillo
@BJCalvillo
Followers
656,461
Following
397
Media
2,371
Statuses
8,716
Business Contact: jack @millentertainment .com Buy my book “The Haystack” here⬇️⬇️⬇️
Joined June 2009
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Mother's Day
• 1199583 Tweets
Mauro
• 143323 Tweets
Emma
• 67324 Tweets
Nuggets
• 63185 Tweets
#DebateChilango
• 60949 Tweets
Wolves
• 45568 Tweets
Juliana
• 35474 Tweets
Denver
• 33104 Tweets
Sebastián
• 30403 Tweets
Jokic
• 29331 Tweets
Iztapalapa
• 29024 Tweets
Clara Brugada
• 26702 Tweets
Minnesota
• 25464 Tweets
つばさの党
• 25448 Tweets
Jamal Murray
• 24382 Tweets
BIRTH Campaign
• 23328 Tweets
Bruins
• 22340 Tweets
Cruz Azul
• 21274 Tweets
Pumas
• 20635 Tweets
Fabra
• 19993 Tweets
Bennett
• 18757 Tweets
Panthers
• 18600 Tweets
Medina
• 16255 Tweets
Benito Juárez
• 16003 Tweets
Gobert
• 14913 Tweets
家宅捜索
• 12885 Tweets
Tigres
• 12636 Tweets
政治団体
• 12457 Tweets
衆院東京15区
• 11741 Tweets
Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
“Lies We Told”, a short film I wrote & directed, is up now on YouTube
Watch here:
56
39
800
“Bro, my GF broke up with me”
“No way, bro. Why?”
“I dunno. I psychologically and emotionally abused her relentlessly”
“She’s crazy, bro”
141
24K
129K
“Biden’s votes are only going up because they keep counting ballots.”
Yes that’s.....literally how an election works......
109
24K
122K
Justin Bieber was never going to marry any of you why are you upset
559
15K
71K
I am enjoying Shane Dawson’s series on Jake Paul and if you hate it maybe take a walk outside because it’s literally just entertainment
96
3K
34K
David and Liza’s breakup video is genuinely one of the most beautifully human videos I’ve ever seen.
77
4K
28K
I don't believe in cancer. Never had cancer. Am very healthy. This mindset has damaged me ZERO. Try it. 🙃
78
9K
25K
Guy: “Can I fly this airplane?”
“Are you a pilot?”
Guy: “No”
“Then absolutely not. We’d be putting dozens of lives at risk”
Guy: “Can I buy that military weapon?”
“Are you in the military?”
Guy: “No”
“Sure. How much ammo?”
66
4K
24K
Cancer is a choice. It’s a mindset. If you don’t wanna have cancer, just DONT have it. It’s so simple.
87
8K
23K
*this just happened outside CVS
“Hey are you famous?”
Me: “No”
“Oh, can I still get a photo?”
Me: “Why?”
“I dunno, just in case”
Me: “Ok sure”
66
1K
21K
Shane Dawsons series about Tanacon is managing to make a documentary about a failed social media convention feel like a documentary about Watergate. It’s very good.
41
1K
20K
List of reasons why Derek Chauvin should be charged with first degree murder:
1) He committed first degree murder
2) He committed first degree murder
3) He committed first degree murder
4) He committed first degree murder
5) He committed first degree murder
#RAISETHEDEGREE
82
4K
18K
A guy at the liquor store asked how old I was. I asked how old he thought I was.
“31”, he said.
“No, 23”, I responded.
“WHAT?!”, he said totally stunned, “you’re WAY too young to look that defeated”
85
2K
18K
*black kid coughs
“Thug”
*Muslim kid sneezes
“Terrorist”
*white kid shoots up school
“Troubled teen who needed tender psychiatric care”
102
4K
18K
Instagram: Look how much fun I’m having!!!
Twitter: Look at my mental breakdown in real time!!!
41
3K
18K
This is the most shallow, close minded tweet that is TRYING to seem progressive or WOKE. Pathetic.
105
2K
17K
“This ain’t it, chief”
“Spill the tea!”
“Weird flex but ok”
My parents divorced when I was 10
“WE STAN”
“Legends supporting legends!”
It’s impact has left irreversible emotional scars leading to self imposed isolation
“Six figures I was only four! Lol”
“Tik Tok is BAD!”
70
2K
16K
For Halloween this year I’m going to dress up as 2018 because that’s truly fucking horrifying
49
2K
16K
1993: Bill Nye The Science Guy
2019: Bill Nye The Wake The Fuck Up You Dumb Millennials We’re All Going To Die Guy
40
3K
16K
“So why should we hire you?”
“Well, I had six figures when I was only 4”
“Did you spend it all and then get some more?”
“Yes”
“Welcome to Apple”
29
1K
16K
"Have you seen It, yet?"
"What?"
"It"
"What?"
"It"
"What?"
"It"
"What?"
"It"
"What?"
"It"
"What?"
"It"
"What?"
"It"
"What?"
110
5K
15K
😂😂😂😂
😂
😂😂😂
😂
😂
😂
😂 😂
😂 😂
😂 😂
😂 😂
😂😂😂
😂😂😂
😂
😂
😂
😂
😂😂😂
😂 😂
😂 😂
😂 😂
😂 😂
😂 😂
😂 😂
😂 😂
123
4K
15K
Hey Trump, you really picked the shittiest generation to fight a World War for you. Most of us can't even fight anxiety
71
3K
14K
The fucking drugs, man. The drugs and the darkness. They go hand in hand and take people far too soon. Rest up, Mac Miller.
16
2K
14K
For shattering someone’s soul and ability to trust anyone ever again? Yeah, you can totally blame him.
47
1K
14K
Hey cutie, hope ur having a great day! 😍😍😍😍😍😍your❤️❤️❤️❤️😍idols😍😍😍are❤️❤️❤️❤️manipulating♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️you😍😍😍😍to♥️♥️♥️♥️make❤️❤️❤️them😍😍😍😍money😍
105
2K
14K
If you’re having a bad day, BE SURE TO SMILE! 😂😂😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️one😍😍😍😍😍day❤️❤️❤️the😍😍😍sun😍😍😍😍😍😍😍❤️❤️❤️will🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣explode🤣🤣and❤️❤️❤️❤️all😍😍😍😍😍life❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️will😂😂cease😍😍😍😍😍😍to❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️exist😍😍
106
3K
13K
Straight people don’t have a history of being shunned, ridiculed, beaten and killed for being straight. So, if gay people are proud of who they are and vocalize it (cuz there’s LESS fear in doing that nowadays cuz of centuries of progress), then let them, you crotchety cunt.
136
3K
13K
It takes a massive fucking coward to be wearing body armor, surrounded by hundreds of others wearing body armor, and yet you still beat the shit out of someone because they were holding a sign.
23
2K
13K
(True Story)
I went to the hospital today cuz of excruciating pain in my balls, so they did an ultrasound on them
Nurse: You’re very calm, most men are dead silent during this procedure
Me: Yeah. So what do you think, doc? Twins? Lol
N: You know, I’d actually prefer u silent
66
827
13K
All I see are a bunch of creepy adult strangers telling a child to come talk to them.
33
2K
12K
18 yr old: Can I buy beer?
Clerk: Gotta be 21. You’re not responsible enough
18: Can I buy that assault rifle?
C: Sure how much ammo?
57
2K
12K
2019: “I miss Vine”
2025: “I miss Tik Tok”
2030: “I miss Flim Flam”
2036: “I miss Bin Ball”
2042: “I miss Zoom Zap”
2050: “I miss Yooka Dooka”
80
755
12K
“Why are kids Snapchatting during shootings?”
To show the public the horrific reality of what is ACTUALLY happening so they do SOMETHING.
30
2K
12K
Welcome to America, where domestic terrorists think they are the patriots.
30
2K
12K
*this happened a few days ago
Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Me: “For being too sexy? Haha”
C: “.....Yeah”
M: “........oh”
C: “Just kidding you were going over the speed limit”
M: “Oh haha”
C: “.....like my heart is right now”
M: “I don’t know what’s happening”
46
1K
12K
*friend falls asleep at party
“Lol I have an idea”
*gets out sharpie
“Hahahaha nice!”
“Aw dude he’s gonna flip when he wakes up!”
47
3K
11K
*Mental Hospital
“Why did u give the patients swords?”
“It’s their right”
“They’re killing each other!”
“Mental health’s the issue here”
47
2K
11K
I’m:
⚪ gay
⚪ straight
⚪ bisexual
🔘 just a kid, and life is a nightmare. I’m just a kid, I know that it’s not fair. Nobody cares, cuz I’m alone and the world is, having more fun than MEEEEEE.....tonight
66
3K
11K
2016: “Well this year was horrible, but maybe 2017 will be....”
2017: “EVERY MAN YOU HAVE EVER ADMIRED IS ACTUALLY A MONSTER”
28
2K
11K
I held the door open for a girl and she said “UGH, I don’t need a mans help”.
There’s a difference between feminism and being an asshole.
84
2K
11K
“Hey wyd”
“Not much wbu”
“I don’t care enough about this conversation to keep it going bye”
“But ur the one who started it”
*a week later
“Hey wyd”
48
1K
11K
Ivanka, to post something like this while YOU KNOW your father is taking screaming children away from their parents is the behavioral equivalent to lighting money on fire in front of a homeless person and spitting on them, which is something your father has also probably done.
99
2K
11K
End of 2018:
“We’re leaving negativity and depression in 2018”
2 weeks into 2019:
“I can’t find my socks I’m literally going to kill myself”
34
2K
11K
Yes I only wear like three outfits because literally who gives a fuck
67
2K
11K
*single
“PDA is so gross like keep your love to yourself”
*in loving relationship
“Do you want me to finger you in the middle of this park?”
61
1K
11K
You have to be a particular piece of shit to actually enjoy spoiling movies for people.
75
1K
11K
One day you will die and the sun will explode and there will be nothing left in the universe at all and that’s the tea sis
91
2K
10K
“I just found out I have cancer”
Kanye: “Cancer is a choice”
47
1K
10K
*white man slaughters over 25 people in Texas
America: “A disturbed soul”
*Muslim man swats fly
America: “TERRORIST! BAN THEM ALL!!”
115
3K
10K
I can't wait for Halloween!! 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃👻Even😱😱👻👻👻😱though👻👻👻👻👻we🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🎃already🍂🍂🍂🍂all💀💀💀💀💀💀wear💀💀🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃masks🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃every🎃🎃🎃🎃single🎃🎃🎃👻👻👻👻👻day👻👻👻👻👻
54
2K
10K
Logan Pauls comeback vid opened with him beating the shit out of a dwarf and now he’s tasing dead rats. Glad to see he’s growing as a person
55
1K
10K
Scroll down for a surprise
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
226
4K
10K
*me, drinking a La Croix, noticing the man next to me also drinking one
Me: “Guess you could say we’re the La Croix Boys, huh?”
“Get the fuck away from me”
Me: “I get that a lot”
23
624
10K
Mom: “So when am I gonna get some grandkids?”
Me: “It’d be very irresponsible for me to reproduce”
Mom: “Everything you say is sad and I don’t wanna hear it on Christmas”
25
813
10K
Homophobe: “Gay sex is a sin”
Gay Person: “How often do u think about gay sex?”
Homophobe: “ALL THE TIME”
Gay Person: “That’s pretty gay, bro”
27
1K
9K
“I just drank water”
“ICONIC”
“WOKE”
“SPILL THE TEA”
“WE LOVE A QUEEN”
“GOALS”
“LIT AF GOALS”
“SQUAD”
“My parents never loved me”
“CLOUT GOALS AF”
“LIT CLOUT GOALS”
“IM WHEEZING”
“FACTS”
“I live in an inescapable black hole of sadness”
“LOL WIG SNATCHED”
“WOKE FAM”
102
1K
9K
“Spill the tea, sis”
“WIG SNATCHED”
Help
“Skinny legend”
“We love legends supporting legends”
They r going to kill me
“I STAN A QUEEN”
“Lol ME”
If ur reading this they r lying to u
“Looking like a WHOLE MEAL”
“SAVAGE”
The new world order isidudnkekfj
“I feel attacked”
104
1K
9K
1998:
“That boy is cute but I don’t know what to say to him”
2018:
“Fist my asshole into oblivion daddy snack bae”
56
1K
9K
5 people were murdered today in a mass shooting and no one is even talking about it, this is what hell feels like
81
1K
9K
“Hey you want to go out tonight?”
“Why?”
“I don’t know”
“Ok”
*goes out
“Why are we out?”
“I don’t know”
26
561
9K
I really have a lot of respect for people with a positive outlook on life. Being cynical is lazy. It takes time and real balls to be happy.
41
1K
9K
This debate is like watching two elderly men fight over the last rice pudding in the senior living home cafeteria
28
1K
9K
I’m going to be 24 in a month. I’m gonna be an age where no one’s impressed by what I do anymore, and when I make mistakes people will say “you’re too old for this shit”. Can’t wait.
140
365
9K
January 1st, 2020:
Can’t wait to see what exciting things the new decade brings!
January 2nd, 2020:
So I guess World War 3 is happening
19
1K
9K
Man: “Women are SO overly emotional and needy”
*girlfriend doesn’t text back for an hour
Man: “WHO ARE U FUCKING WHATS HIS NAME IS HIS DICK BIGGER THAN MINE I JUST PUNCHED MY WALL 40 TIMES”
36
923
9K
YouTube is literally just a giant high school, with all the drama and cliques that accompany it.
39
403
9K
Went to Hawaii to surprise our friend at his hotel room!
32
623
9K
The Paul brothers only benefit from everyone talking about them. They’re not worried about their reputation, all they care about is VIEWS.
70
745
9K
“OMG Starbucks is racist AF! Boycott them!”
They said at the music festival run by a dusty old cunt who donates money to anti-LGBT groups
35
1K
9K
“Violent video games are the cause of violence in youth”
I mean I’ve played Mario since I was a kid and never once jumped on a turtle
52
2K
9K
