Think I could work a pony tail?

Strength and power can be both a blessing and a curse. Someday, you’ll wake up with such strength that you’ll never feel pain again, but it will feel like everything is made of fragile glass. You’ll be alone, with nothing but the world upon your back and corpses at your feet.

But it’s whatever. I’ll just continue to post art that I’m getting to help me cope. It’s what you guys would rather see anyways.😉.

One too many friends told me they miss me in chat but not in… DMs. So I just hang out offline with people that bother to poke me. I dunno, maybe I need to host collab streams again for the rest of them to catch the hint. Since most seem to not want to hang out offline anymore.

Pretty sure I’m the only one that may feel like this, but…. At times it feels like people usually only remember I exist when I visit their streams or if I stream. Maybe that’s why I stream on a whim now. Just don’t feel motivated these days.

RT @TIIRAMIIISU2: Commission work for @AustinYeeeed .Thank you for supporting my work. Commission open 1/5

That man fights desperately to protect what is left because he knows that hollow machine he’d become without it. Why is my persona—my ego—a monster slayer?. It’s because he is always fighting the monster he does not wish to become. What others think he is. 11/11.

I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. There, looking back at me is a man filled with so much bottled contempt for the world that it eats him from the inside out. A man that once had a full heart but now is just a withering fragment. 10/.

Manipulated over and over again into thinking I was the worst thing on Earth. For a time, I didn’t even know what I was anymore. My health got worse. I became suicidal. More friends abandoned me. So on, and so on…. I stopped feeling things. I began to stop caring. 9/.

Another chunk of my heart broke. I fell back into my shell. A broken man. I continued in an almost endless loop of relationships only to be broken each time. One treated me like a dog that needed to be leashed. Another treated me like monster. And one thought I was boring. 8/.

Then I made another mistake. I was overzealous and made it public knowledge I was going to go see my girlfriend. She… didn’t like that. Told me that she wanted a short break. I let her do so because I thought I was in the wrong. Then she cheated on me… . 7/.

I immediately latched onto that because I felt I had nothing else. We quickly became a vtuber couple. I was alright. Not happy, but recovering. Made some different friends and got back into streaming again. Some people stopped hating me. But the damage had been done. 6/.

Most wanted me cancelled, others wanted me dead. I lost friends and fans all because of a single person with evil intentions. I fell off. Stopped streaming as much as I once had. Closed myself off to the world. Then someone brought me back, claimed she liked me a lot. 5/.

I went to someone I thought was a good friend. I vented my frustrations and anxieties. I wanted to apologize and do better. Little did I know, that person was not a friend at all. They manipulated me. Weaponized my words and worries. Impersonated me. Fooled many…. 4/.

Popular vtubers acknowledged me. Watched me. Raided me. And collaborated with me. I became popular extremely fast and I joined the most popular team. Then I forgot my humility. I let fame cloud me. Then I made a mistake. I had thought I was owed attention. 3/.

Got a computer. Vtubing erupted. Became an avid watcher, then a fan. Created my own persona. Started my own streaming “career”. More people started watching me. Made many vtuber friends. Then my girlfriend cheated on me. The first heart break. 2/.

I remember where I started. A below average guy that lived a decent life. Had a decent job. Had a w̷̝̫͔̅ö̷͔̰̏ͅņ̸̩̊̐d̵̫̊ê̶͉̪̺̇r̴̘̊̏̎f̶̳͆u̶̠̿̚l̶̰͈̾ girlfriend. I was happy. Then Covid hit…. Forced to quarantine. Lost my job. Kept my girlfriend, but seeing her was difficult. 1/.

Basically, my dynamic with any of my friends:

Take it from someone that had given his heart away one too many times, only for it to be stomped on 75% of the time. Stay close to those that don’t just “say” that they like being around you with no actual effort to try and be around you.

Don’t let yourself be downgraded from “friend” to “fan” just because that other person has higher numbers than you. Don’t let them think they can put you on the shelf just because they have other “more popular friends”. And if they do, you drop them immediately.