Anti-Joke Cat
@AntiJokeCat
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I don't do jokes. [email protected]
Joined August 2011
What do you call Santa Claus with a mince pie up his nose? Pissed.
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How do you kill a blonde? Irreversibly damage her vital organs to the point where she loses consciousness and will never wake again.
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Knock knock. Who's there? The postman. The postman who? Look, do you want this parcel or not?
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What do you get when you throw a hand grenade in a French bathroom? Imprisonment up to 15 years in an international detainment facility.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? One, unless she's too short, in which case she may get someone else to do it.
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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your caramel apple, which usually costs you that little bit extra.
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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Yeah like 350, 375."
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What did the taxi driver say to the black man who climbed into his cab? "Where to, sir?"
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Bob: Hey Jim, if you were a caveman, you would die. Jim: Why? Bob: Because everybody dies.
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Why did the waiter put rubber bands in the soup? Because he wasn't a very good waiter.
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A daring man proclaimed, "Well, here goes nothing!" And nothing happened.
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If olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made of? Mineral Oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Acetate, Fragrance.
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What did the Jew say to the cashier who had forgotten to give him his change? "You forgot my change."
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Hey, the eighties called. They were really excited about inventing a phone that could call the future.
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Roses are red, Violets are blue, But roses can also be white, And violets should be purple.
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What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Use a condom.
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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender.
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What do you call an Indian man with 5 corner shops? An entrepreneur.
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