Ann Garvin
@AnnGarvin_
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I think everything is funny and a little bit sad. USA Today Best Sellling Author & Founder of @tallpoppywriter
Come sit by me
Joined March 2009
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I am 62 years old, single, and recently, after watching “Love Actually” for the 17th time — toxic though it may be — I downloaded a dating app and started the arduous process of vetting men so that I, too, might actually find love. Again. (a thread)
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the message; I had walked into a date sure I had value, even though I’d lived long enough to tell a few tales like this one.
Good for me.
@madison_mag
@TallPoppyWriter
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“You know, I’m fit and healthy with a lucrative job. I thought I’d be dating much younger women.”
I hope you cringed when you read his response. I mean, he’d just broken the first rule of talking out loud: Know your audience. Public speaking guides aside, maybe you gasped at
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This brings me back to my date and how I responded. To recap, he said, “You know, I’m fit and healthy with a lucrative job. I thought I’d be dating much younger women.”
I paused, looked at him and said, “And here you sit with someone your own age.”
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You might be thinking by now, no wonder you’re single. You’re prickly. What exactly would you like, Ann? I’ll tell you what I’d like. I’d like to be me, whoever I am, without my age being part of the conversation.
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getting any younger.”
Ha! I wish I’d said that. But I hadn’t been ready for a battle against all odds, ageist remarks and a replay of history. And that’s on me.
Instead, I pushed my chair back, stood, gave him a thin smile and walked away, congratulating myself for not getting
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our age, stage in life or accumulated wisdom — but because we, in some ways, like the man, have no idea how old we are. We move through the world making decisions as we always have, based on time, money and values. I don’t think I’ve ever thought, Ann, you’re
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62, no more “carpe diems” for you. Nor have I ever considered the age of a potential friend, collaborator or new acquaintance and wished them younger. What is weird is that I wasn’t ready for his appraisal. I was surprised by the swat at my value. How had I not been ready
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hubris, the rudeness, the ageism or his cluelessness that his devaluation hit both of us. I’ll tell you how I responded in a minute.
In the half-second of dead air before I replied, I thought, You should be so lucky to date me or any of my friends of the same age. Not because of
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His eyes went wide when he realized the error of his statement. “No, no,” he said, putting his full stop sign hand out. “Not you,” he said. “I don’t mean you!”
Then I pushed my chair back and said, “I don’t think you want to waste any more of your time here. You’re not
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Oh yeah. “Age and accomplishment” is a thing. The subtext urges readers to hurry and achieve because a finish line looms, and they are not talking about death as the ultimate “game over.” No, the endpoint they are referring to is whatever arbitrary age society deems us no longer
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interesting or notable. (Or, apparently, dateable.)
Sure, there are times when age is celebrated in the media. When a debut author or new entrepreneur is over 50, their success and age are highlighted. Check out this old person, they achieved something!
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or it, had my defenses up or charged my stun gun (just kidding)?
This cavalier assessment of a person’s value based on age is everywhere. When I go to the dentist and pick up a magazine featuring a top gun list of the latest 30-under-30 or 40-under-40, I’m reminded,
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whose anti-aging skin care regimen for her blemish-free face would rival an aesthetician’s. She knows she’s aging and she’ll have to be ready with a comeback if she ever finds herself sitting across from a person who wishes she hadn’t lived so long.
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The tone is a little too astonished, a little too congratulatory for my liking.When aging comes up in our conversations, it’s all woe is me or good for you. Neither response is anything but reductive.
We should take a lesson from my neighbor, who shoveled her entire sidewalk
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But subtle and not-so-subtle negative messaging is everywhere, and it isn’t just coming for me — it’s coming for all of us. It came for my date when he uploaded his vintage profile photos and called them current. It’s with my 27-year-old daughter,
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After several online conversations, I agreed to meet someone. A light, romantic snow was falling, my hair was neither too short nor too long and I’d met a big writing deadline. I wasn’t exactly killing it like the gowned and bedazzled women in “The Golden Bachelor,” but I thought
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@EvanHandler
Ha! Yes, and I guess the ultimate burn is that he will always be with himself even when he is with others. Thank you :)
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I was able to hang on to that can-do attitude until I sat across from the man. It took a minute to locate him; his online photos were out of date five years ago, but I wrote it off. I get it, I dye my hair. We all get to be a little insecure.
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while I wrote this. I bet she doesn’t have time for magazines at the dentist’s office. Her husband has advanced Parkinson’s and a leg bag that needs changing.
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After we exchanged hellos and the wine was served, I asked the question, “How has online dating been for you?”
“Oh,” he said, interested and willing to talk about his experience. He looked me square in the eye with a lovely open smile and said,
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I got fired.
This is not a new story, but it is a true story.
Several years ago, I blissfully, joyfully, dream-come-true-fully-taught creative writing in a Master of Fine Arts program in New Hampshire and I got fired. Unceremoniously and without cause,
I was let the F-go. 1/19
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So, what happened to the book he fired me for? It made the USA Today Bestseller list, was number one on Amazon for a week and sold enough books for me to quit my tenured teaching job and write full-time. 15/19
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You can see for yourself if you like. I have a book coming out in August of this year.
Is it going to be a big book?
It’s big for me. And that’s what matters to me. 18/19
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And then a man weighs in….
I am 62 years old, single, and recently, after watching “Love Actually” for the 17th time — toxic though it may be — I downloaded a dating app and started the arduous process of vetting men so that I, too, might actually find love. Again. (a thread)
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His book? Yeah, it flopped big time. Am I diminishing him with my opinion? Nope, there’s data—if I published a book that did that poorly, I’d be embarrassed.
Like I was embarrassed about getting fired. 16/19
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In the writing world—this is how it sounds….
“She wrote it, but it’s not literary,” –Meaning it has little art/value.
“It’s women’s fiction.” Men write fiction. Women write a subcategory of fiction called women’s fiction.
“She writes genre fiction or commercial fiction.” –
13/19
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You can read more about the language we use to diminish. here: Joanna Russ. She wrote about it in 1983. If you want more from me is a god place to start.
@TallPoppyWriter
19/19
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So, this isn’t a new story. People get fired all the time. When it happened to me, it helped me figure out how to be aware of my petty jealousies and hierarchical thinking. It made me be a better person which will ultimately make me a better writer. 17/19
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He put me in my place. And that place was far away from him because he thought I was less than & my less than might rub off on him if I hung around his program.
Why am I telling you?
It’s time for me to stop feeling shame about getting fired for something that had nothing 11/19
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A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please". The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"
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to do with me. Every time I talk about it, I feel better. And writing about it reminds me not to diminish people.
It’s easy to do, and it can feel good to put down someone who is doing well. But it doesn’t look good on us even though you can do it sneakily. 12/19
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Thrillers, romance, children’s books, sci-fi, and YA.
“It’s easy to write those books. There’s a formula.”
“She wrote it, but she had help.”
“She writes like a man.” –Using this as a compliment.
“Your book isn’t going to be a big book.” 14/19
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literary awards & the authors become part of our cultural zeitgeist. I’m a woman who writes about people who do too much in a culture that asks too much from them. I use humor to highlight it all & make it hurt a little less. His book released around the same time was about 9/19
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I'm just a girl standing here asking for. you to read this.
@TallPoppyWriter
@LUAuthors
#writingcommunity
#books
.
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He didn’t read my books. He wasn’t firing me for my teaching. He was firing me because of his opinion of my writing.
His opinion was that I wrote not-big books. A big book is an important book that holds a mirror up to society, brings truths to light, gets on lists, wins 8/19
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Honored. And valid score. I will do better.
Big mirror. Strong pillow game. Raise camera/reframe. Try indirect lighting. 7/10
@AnnGarvin_
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different generations of parenting, background and loyalty in America—apparently a contender for the big-book moniker.
He did to me what we do to people who threaten us.
10/19
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I am stunned. I don’t know what to say.”
Friends, this was my dream job. I loved the faculty-they had become my best friends. I still keep in touch with a lot of the students from those years of teaching. The side hustle salary made my divorced, single mom of 2 kids, 3/19
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full-time Wisconsin professor life actually doable. It meant I could save for college for my kids and retirement. More than that, the experience of teaching writing felt like living and working in a candy store, and everything on the shelves had zero calories.
“Why? 4/19
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awards, hundreds of thank-you notes from students, tons of credibility for my skills. I have a PhD in education.
“Your next book isn’t going to be a big book.”
“My next book isn’t going to be a big book?” 6/19
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Why are you letting me go?” I said, feeling terrified that I’d done something egregious. Had I offended a student? Broken a significant rule? Done something to poison by beloved position?
I had wonderful teaching evaluations—I’d been a teacher for twenty-six years with many 5/19
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“No. It’s not.”
My heart rate slowed, I stopped shaking, and my throat was no longer dry. I straightened my shoulders, though he couldn’t see it over the phone.
I knew what this was.
The director wasn’t predicting the future, telling me my book wouldn’t be a big book. 7/19
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The phone rang at 8PM on a Sunday night. The kids were asleep. I picked it up, and the program director said, “Ann, I’m calling to tell you that we aren’t having you back this next semester.”
My heart hammered, my breath caught in my throat, & I said,“{director’s name here} 2/19
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I'm just a girl. Standing in front of the world asking it to read me.
@TallPoppyWriter
@TyrusBooks
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Omg when you drive up to Dunkin’ Donuts and you get your coffee and it says: I love your books ❤️ and you don’t see who wrote it! your month is made.
@dunkindonuts
@TallPoppyWriter
@TravelWI
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I have Covid. My former husband Dropped off a rotisserie chicken and two boxes of Russell Stover chocolates then texted me from two streets away to let me know. The touchless delivery experience.
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You guys this is my twenty-year old daughter.
@meg_garvin3
do you I think we look alike? I don’t see it.
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I'm just a girl, standing in front of the world asking it to read me.
@simonschuster
@GalleryBooks
@TallPoppyWriter
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Just saw a man walk into traffic to cross the street. Put his hand out to stop traffic without pausing.
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My dog threw up, Tried to kiss me, then peed on a rock. It was like being in at a college party all over again
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I hit a rock. Blew a tire. Pulled into a gas station. A man with a dead battery offered to change my tire. I jumped his car.
#nice
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My darling friend died this morning. She had cancer. She made the world better. I will never get used to death.
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What if you just let go of the anxiety of whether this is going to be a good book or not and just write it?
-My breakfast self talk today.
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At a party a few years ago someone asked me what I do. I said that I taught Nutrition at the University and they said, “well. You’d need a PhD for that.” and I said, “yes. It’s handy that I have one.”
#International_Womens_Day
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For those following. My father died today. A stunning man who did right. Able to leave In the right way. His way.
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Once again sitting bedside support for ex husbands shoulder surgery.
I am not a saint.
There is always a hazy post-anesthesia apology time that I wait all year for.
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Final post major cardiac surgery appointment for my former husband today. We are in the business of repairing broken hearts. We are both doing well. Glad to report.
#friends4life
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My daughter is irritated with me because I interrupted her while she was working. I said, “oh yeah?Remember when I breast-fed you while trying to get tenure? Remember that?”
She did not.
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I wish I’d been taught to say: Don’t interrupt me, That isn’t funny, I’m not finished, I don’t want to, I’m speaking, It’s my turn. No.
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I taught my last class ever at
@UWWhitewater
yesterday. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it but yeah. Somebody else gets to swear about binge drinking for 22 years. Pro tip. It’s not good for you.
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The
@TallPoppyWriter
are so honored to be the winners of the Wisconsin innovation award and the People’s choice ward. Out of 400 innovators. 9 awards given. We are first to win 2. We are flush and grateful to all of you who helped
#WIA2019
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I wish people understood that writing is a job. A real job. And not a very flexible one because you have to work when your energy is best. And sometimes you have to work when your energy sucks. You know. Like a job.
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Writing a female character is as complicated as being a woman in this culture. She can't be too anything but has to be everything.
#amwriting
@TallPoppyWriter
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Thank you for all you support around my 🧵of being fired and the language used to support it. This book will blow your mind. 1983 pub. Other writers are not your competition. They are your community. Your support.
@TallPoppyWriter
your help.
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Empty nest? What will u do? I'm going to do nude barrel roles around every room. Throw every last soccer shirt away and live on ice cream.
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I didn’t win but remember, when I got fired from Southern New Hampshire University‘s low residency masters of fine arts program because the Director of the program told me, I wasn’t going to have a big book? Do you remember when he said that I wasn’t a good enough
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I know you know this but Rewriting a book that’s already written is like having all the pieces of a puzzle spread out And trying to make a new puzzle but pieces are missing and the puzzle maker is depressed.
#nothingtoseehere
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Just sold my house. I just had a celebratory ice cream sandwich.
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I think for all the 6 people that see my tweets we could just have a group text and leave the middleman out of it.
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I used to say, "I'll sleep when I'm dead." Now I say, "I'll shower when I finish my book." Life changes.
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A radio therapist, finds out the hard way that nothing is fair in love and war….or family.
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So we got through another heart surgery (hopefully the last). My former husband and I working on stitching a broken heart back together again. Literally.
This what you get when you can’t stay mad.
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For everyone having trouble getting things done remember this.
“You are not working from home you’re at your home during a crisis trying to work. “
I don’t know who said this but it has really helped me.
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Dear Victoria secret please stop sending catalogs to my home. We only read nonfiction here.
@MediaInequality
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Yes I did walk through the airport with a pink sock static clinging to my grey scarf. Ann Garvin. Making people feel better about themselves since the sixties.
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Peanut is fine. Last night something blocked his airway. I performed two massive finger sweeps down his throat and he started breathing again. No lesson. No punchline. Gross and grateful.
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@riley_sager
To be fair it’s usually:
My uncle wrote a book about his trip to Ohio and how he found a rare car part.
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Is anyone else worried that once the world opens back up you will be so comfortable that you won’t want to leave much?
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My dad in the ICU. Massive GI bleed from surgery followed by heart attack. Wakes up. Asks for a pen. Asks about his wife. My mom
#Alzheimer
’s.
#love
64 years.
@WiStateJournal
#story
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KIND WRITING ADVICE
Ignore harsh advice.
Life is hard enough. No need to shit on dreams too.
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I just nursed my ex through open heart surgery. From all the chest grabbing, tears and meds you would think that I went under the knife. He’s good thanks. I lived too.
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I am retiring from
@UWWhitewater
and while I’m excited I am also worried that no one will swear quite so vehemently about health at the students when I leave.
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John is out of the icu! Three chest tubes out. Arterial line out. Walking. Looking good! New valves. ❤️
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I have posted every day on Instagram for a year and have grown by four single male bots who think I am the pretty.
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@PuebloPicasso
This makes me feel ferociously angry and also a kinship with you. I'm sorry for you as well.
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I’m going to start an exercise program in my basement. We are going to do somersaults a few kegals maybe a plank and then drink some gin.This is as close to balance as it gets for me.
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If you love someone, set them free. If they come back Without the half-and-half for your coffee; send them back out and add donuts to the list.
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