This is just a Grave now.

This diet is really really hard to start.

So single I never have to worry about what's on my phone.

Sex is great and all, but have you ever had QT Mac and Cheese??

Just a personal preference to not mess with women named after Cars

My Mandela Effect is that in the 90s my favorite Corn Nutz was in a Pink bag; and now I absolutely can't even find proof of its existence, but I know it was there cause it was my favorite!

I'm at Grey Nose Hair age, but I hate pulling em out. I just tuck that shit in. "Get back in there!"

Sometimes it hits me; that I'm carrying a tiny TV with me 24/7

She had a Skydiving photo and I just don't wanna take that chance of her trying to make me do that with her.

"Single mama of 4. They will always come first." Yeah no shit. They'll all hold you down and keep you from leaving.

There's a corn dog stick behind my furniture somewhere

Watching Liar Liar as a Kid and watching it as a separated parent is a totally different level

If I was a serial killer I'd probably target people that waste a Green Arrow.

"Men are Dogs" Some dogs are loyal But even the loyal ones wanna sniff some butt.

"You don't look approachable" Is better than "You have Bitch Face"

Absolutely NO RAISINS allowed on THURSDAY!

All that training for nothing. If I were @elonmusk I'd offer 500 million to Mike Tyson and Jake Paul to do a 3 minute knockout challenge.

I'm not Fat, I'm just previewing what I'll look like after Thanksgiving.

"Ah my fucking eyes" - me forgetting my phone is on max brightness in bed

Man I feel Old. People born in 2003 can legally drink alcohol now.