Ajebo Writer
@AjeboWriter
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Lagos, Nigeria
Joined June 2016
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Pinned Tweet
My wife is fond of using her phone till the battery runs low and then I’m always the one charging it for her.
Every night before we go to bed, as I’m plugging mine, I’ll plug hers too. It now became my responsibility to charge her phone battery for her every night.
I got tired
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My neighbor is fond of leaving her child with me whenever she knows I'm around in the afternoon so she can rest while the little girl turns my house upside down
She made it a habit so much that once the little girl of 4 knows I'm around, she'll come over by herself
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My wife has been disturbing me to follow her to her friends church, according to her, the man sees and performs miracles
I refused and for days my wife began carrying face for me
Baby, what’s wrong with our church? I asked her one day
She said the man will see something for
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My first time in US
As soon as I landed at the airport, I knelt down & cried to God, despite the number of people around, I didn't care, I kept saying, "Nigeria, never again!"
My guys were already there waiting in the car they started giving me the do's & don't of living in US
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I went to work very late that day and had to wear something else, thankfully I later found my car keys under the couch where I threw them the previous day
That night, as I charged my phone, I did the same for hers too. The next morning, after I dressed up and was ready to go to
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Last year, if anyone had told me that I’d be a driver, I would have laughed at them
But look at me now, this is my 5th month as a lawyer in the morning and bolt driver at night
Economy choke so I had to put my Corolla to good use and everything was running smoothly
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I went to the mini mall inside the estate with wifey
After shopping, I went to the counter to make payment
Two customers were there, so I stood and waited for my turn
Wifey decided to look around and keep herself busy
It got to my turn and I gave my ATM card to the cashier
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I’m in a bus traveling from Delta to Lagos
This young lady in her mid to late 20s is sitting next to me. She’s absolutely stunning with a light complexion, perfectly curved in all the right places, and well dressed.
She is holding a baby, few months old so I assume it must be
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My neighbors in my estate have been shaving and barbing their hair every week
I'm not even joking
These are men like me who typically go months without visiting a barber.
Suddenly, they began visiting the new barbing salon that just opened across the street on a weekly basis
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My wife is fond of complimenting women & I absolutely adore the way their eyes light up & their mood instantly changes when she does.
We went to the mall & this beautiful young lady was trying to get us to buy one of their brands.
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My girlfriend told me she was going over to her friends place for a visit and possibly sleepover
I asked which of her friends
She told me her bestie, Richard
They've been friends for years, longer than even our relationship
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My uncle paid a surprise visit to my house some months ago
I was in the kitchen washing the dishes because my wife just finished cooking when he knocked
I noticed his mood changed when I entered the kitchen to resume my duties
I didn't say anything
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I planned to Netflix & chill by myself but first I decided to get fuel so I dnt get surprised
I met Anita, my neighbor outside, washing. I greeted & made a remark about d weather, she smiled & replied then I noticed she was on a call so I apologized for d intrusion & walked off
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My neighbors 3 years old son is so fond of me, sometimes it scares me because he's always coming to my house
Every day, he stops at my house first to tell me everything he learnt in school before entering his house
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My husband is fond of going to the restroom with perfume.
He sprays for almost a minute before and after his business.
I began suspecting him of smoking.
Maybe I have finally met karma because back in school, I smoked and experimented with hard drugs.
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Children will stain your white
My neighbors 4 years old daughter is the radio without wire we have in the compound
Nothing escapes her eyes and as long as her eyes has seen it, our ears must hear it for weeks
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When my father told me the governor’s son wanted me to come and work with him as his PA, I was overjoyed
I told my friends about it and they were all green with envy
My mother gave testimony in church that Sunday. Her only daughter, Divine, child of a gardener & petty trader…
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She smiled at me and didn’t say anything. That will teach her, I smiled to myself.
The following day, after preparing for work, I couldn't find my belongings, my pair of stockings, belt, wallet, and even my car keys, and when I went to ask her, she asked me if she’s my PA, or my
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My wife wanted to go and make her hair at night.
She asked me to follow her
I was watching a football match, Chelsea was playing
I told her to leave it till tomorrow
She refused, she said she has to make it this night so she can rock it to church the next day
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One time, I was missing my aunt who had relocated out of the country, so I changed my DP to her picture & even forgot abt it.
Few days later, I got a message in my inbox
"Hey beautiful"
Beautiful ke, me. Nobody has ever called me beautiful before. Handsome yes but beautiful ke
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One night I plugged mine and left her own unplugged and the next morning when they seized power her battery was flat. She was now upset at me, asking me why I didn’t charge her phone when I charged mine.
I asked her if I’m her designated charger or PA or if she’s paying me to
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A man comes back home from work to his beautiful wife and only child.
He met his wife trying to put their 5 years old son to bed, and feeling guilty for staying out late, he decided to play with his son for a few minutes and put him to bed himself
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My wife & I wanted to upgrade our kitchen & decided we needed a bigger fridge.
We got a brand new one. As we were carrying the fridge inside, I spotted a familiar face outside my door.
To my surprise, it was my old friend, standing there with a warm smile.
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He said he’s not talking about physical women that I have spiritual kids from my spiritual wife, and if I don’t change I will have more spiritual children.
I told him as long as I’m not responsible for their upkeep, it’s fine.
Church scatter
That’s how my wife ran and came to
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I saw her again today
The same light skinned girl in my street that gave me the insult of my life because I asked her to date me.
I will never forget the look & long hiss she gave me before laughing & telling me that even if I was the last man on earth, she wouldn't date me.
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"Honey, there's an intruder in the house!"
Paul froze as his wife whispered over the phone
"Intruder, in my house, is he armed?"
"I think so, two of them, please come home" Patricia, his wife kept whispering, and shaking as she talked
"It's okay baby, I'm already on my way,
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My wife woke up one day & started insisting that we switch church & start attending a new church that just opened on our street
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I stopped getting irritated when I discovered that her parents are always fighting. I decided to be a safe spot just 2 protect her from d toxic atmosphere once in a while.
One afternoon, I closed very early from work and decided to work on a client's Skit when I heard a knock
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My wife and I decided to invite her mom over for Sallah
My wife is a Muslim and so I was excited to have her mom over for Sallah because I knew there would be excess meat in the house especially from her siblings and extended family
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I followed my wife to the nail salon & the next few hours that followed were the busiest & most chaotic for me
As we got there, there were at least 6 children inside, turning up the heat in the already crowded space.
The whole place was hot & the salon owner was busy making…
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I live in a very rough neighborhood
If you’re new, naive or you don’t know your way around, anything can happen to you especially this festive season
Infact, my neighborhood is so rough, any chic that enters unaccompanied, the guys will not let her rest
So, one day, this
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The DPO took the paper with the drawing of a heart that I taught Rashidat today to draw and give her parents just to make them happy and stop fighting.
The police station became quiet.
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I decided to take myself out & spoil myself.
There's no law against a man taking himself out & having a good time.
I freshened up, wore a nice clean vintage shirt, ironed my pants & wore my suede.
I sprayed perfume, brushed my hair, checked myself in the mirror, God, see drip!
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I went to the bank this morning, as I was driving in the security guy was saying something to me but I wasn’t hearing him & I wasn't going to waste one drop of fuel waiting for him to run to me.
I drove in, parked, got down & started walking towards him.
He met me halfway and
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She said I should stop questioning her and just come along so I agreed and followed her and her friend to the church
I was rocking the earrings my wife bought for me, and a week before she had plaited my afro this new style young boys normally carry but then I forgot my wedding
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I and wifey sat down in the living room to watch TV
We just got back from the mall where we went to get dinner. We didn't feel like cooking that evening so we decided to buy fried rice, chicken, salad and snacks for later
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One day, my Pastor called me on phone and was excitedly praising and hailing me
“Kings Kings, so you’re Ajebo Writer eh, I’ve been seeing your stories everywhere. So, you’re one of my sheeps?”
Apparently, someone shared one of my trending stories on one of the groups he
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My neighbors 5 year old son likes coming to my house
Infact once he comes back from school, takes his bath and eat, my house is his next destination
I’ll assist with his homework and then off he goes only to come back the next day
It became a norm
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My girlfriend never informed me that we had broken up
I found out when she started referring to me as "bros."
The first time she did it, I tried calling her, but she didn't answer.
Later, when I checked my WhatsApp, I saw a msg, "Good afternoon bro, sorry I missed ur call."
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Immediately, I knew it was my little friend, Rashidat.
I wanted to ignore because the client had paid in full for the Skit but Rashidat kept knocking & I knew she will knock till eternity. I paused my work and invited her in, gave her ice-cream and snacks, and put cartoon for her
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I followed my wife to the salon for her hair treatment and washing.
While the stylist was working on her hair, her sharp and talkative 3-year-old daughter ran into the salon.
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Later, we started hearing her parents voice, they were fighting as usual. Few hours later the mom came to carry her.
I could see shame and gratitude on her face even though she avoided my eyes.
Few minutes later, I heard a loud bang on my door.
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My girlfriend ended the call immediately
One hour later, around past 9PM, I heard a knock on the door.
It was my girlfriend
She was back with her things.
Women.
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My neighbor and I have been friends since I moved into the compound. We've been the closest buddies for over 2 years now.
We hangout, gist, eat at each others places, and sometimes sef, I control babe to his place if main chic is around and he does the same
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She gave her card to the cashier and the transaction was successful
"Honey, let's go." My wife said and matched forward
"Yes my love." I picked the shopping bags then turned to the lady, brought out my tongue, did her ntooor, smiled and walked fast after my wife.
Fear women!!!
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@rare__jay
Ahhh
Abeg ooo
I go soon publish ooo, make thunder no visit me. I already have a poetry collection published on Amazon Kindle.
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The pastor left me standing there, he started preaching and shouting while I stood there in front of the whole church, waiting
After almost 20 minutes of standing, I turned and started walking back to my seat but I saw my wife and her friend frantically waving their hands at me
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"See!" she said, smiling proudly and showing everyone the drawing she made.
"Uncle taught me how to make love for mummy and daddy today because they are always fighting."
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I was watching a movie & eating my hot pizza when my best friend called me & asked me to follow him clubbing that night
I turned him down flat because nothing was gonna ruin my quiet movie night with me, myself, a bottle of chilled beer, hot pizza, and I.
Exactly how I like it
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Witchcraft
So, there was an opening in my office for the position of a digital marketer who will also double as a copywriter
Quickly, I alerted my guy who has been searching for a job for a long time & was always bugging my life, asking me to help him land a job in my office
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“May that fish ki|| you there!” I screamed inside the bus. “Who is your love, do I know you or your baby before? Madam carry this baby jare!” I dropped the baby on her laps.
I turned in anger and started explaining to the man that asked her if her baby has teeth. “Sir, can you
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Rashidat's father dragged me out by the neck after slapping me, thank God I was putting on my new white singlet and boxers
What's happening, am I dreaming? I was confused
"Rapi$t!" They kept shouting as they landed blows and kicks all over my body
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Could it be that the little girl is back?
The banging continued and I went to open the door and met a mob outside
I didn't see the slap until it landed and I literally saw stars
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I looked at him and said it’s a lie, that it’s actually my wife that invited me here then I pointed to my wife in the congregation
The pastor did not even flinch instead he smiled and said he knows I’m married and if I don’t change my ways and cut my hair, remove the earrings
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My neighbors, people I know and play with on the street, guys and ladies I hang around with were suddenly acting like I was a criminal
I started crying and begging them
"Mummy Rashidat, please what's happening, who did I r
@pe
?" I pleaded with my neighbor
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My wife asked what I wanted for my birthday
I said PES 5
She giggled & I laughed out loud because I knew once she googled the price, she will come for me
Only for me to go out & come back in the evening of my birthday & my wife had a big package wrapped on the center table
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Whooosss!!! She slapped me with a scapula and I felt blood in my mouth
"Don't ever mention my daughter's name from that your evil mouth. How can you do this to me, how can you r
@pe
my baby, my four years old baby, how?"
"Jesus, me!!!" When!!!"
I screamed
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Few months ago, my close friend's wife called me and was crying on the phone, she kept saying her husband has finished her and that I should come over.
Thinking they were fighting, I quickly got dressed, grabbed the car keys and rushed over
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I was arrested, handcuffed and bundled into their vehicle. Thank God the mob didn't remove my boxers and strip me naked. I couldn't even imagine dying exposed with my penis dangling out for the world to see.
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I couldn't get fuel due to the scarcity. After queuing for over 4 hours at the fueling station close to my house, the fuel attendants told us fuel had finished. I jejely drove my car back home & parked.
I decided to order bolt but the price shocked me, I tried Uber, it was worse
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"Na yahoo boy, na ritual. He go confess before we kill am." One popular yahoo guy in the neighborhood said
Then I heard the police siren and I was grateful for the Nigerian police for the first time in my life.
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"Make we burn am?" The vulcanizer that always fix my tyres asked
"And na handsome guy o" the lady I usually buy pap from said
"Fine man like this wey fit fu*k any woman he want, na small pikin he like!" My next door neighbor said
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"It's very easy, I'll show you." She said smiling and went to her school bag, opened it and brought out a piece of paper and crayon
Then she drew a heart and colored it. Then she wrote, 'I love mummy and daddy' under the heart.
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I sat next to this beautiful fair-skinned damsel in church on Sunday, dressed in white and radiating purity like the angels the pastor was describing in the Bible
As if he read my mind, he asked us to turn to our neighbors, smile, and say to them, "you're looking beautiful."
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How I became a billionaire overnight… No side hustles, no inheritance, no shady deals.
This is how it happened
My friend and junior colleague chatted me up one day and told me he wanted to quit because he went for an interview and he believed he would get the job, and the pay
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It was my first time in Europe
I had never travelled out of Nigeria before
"Promise me you won't forget me for an oyibo girl" my girlfriend said a day before I travelled
Kneeling down before her, I swore to her, "My love I swear with everything I hold dear…
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My neighbors baby is scared of me
All kids love me but this girl is always crying whenever I try to carry her
It became worrisome cos as soon as she sees me coming to meet her mom, she'll start screaming
"Chidinma o, wetin you do my pikin?" Her mum will ask me
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At the police station, the DPO called Rashidat, and sitting beside her with a friendly smile on his face, he asked her
"Is this the uncle that touched you?"
I looked at the baby I always gave icecream, cake, and snacks to and tears dropped from my eyes.
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My wife and her friend eyes lit up in excitement and both of them nudged me up and asked me to go outside
“Go where, did he ask me to come out?!” I asked them
They told me that’s how he operates. Once he points at you, you immediately run out because he has seen something for
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Since I was born I’ve never seen so much blood spilled like I saw two nights after my wedding to the love of my life, my husband & bestie.
Before we got married, we were best friends
We did everything together
From watching the same movies, loving the same music…
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Immediately, Ryan screamed, "Pussy and Boobs!" Then dropped the plate, ran & sat down to watch
Everyone started laughing
Except me
Never again, Ryan, never again will you ever follow me out.
Endtime children.
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"I and uncle made love for mummy and daddy."
"Ahhh... Abomination!" The officers shouted in the station
"How many times have uncle done it with you? The policeman asked
"One time." Rashidat said shyly and quietly I almost didn't hear her.
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"Don't be afraid dear, you are safe here. He can't do anything." He assured her.
"Talk Rashidat, your daddy and mummy is here nothing will happen." The mother patted her head
"Tell us what you told your daddy and mummy." The DPO asked
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"My own wetin, which premium service? Please, I'm a married man and I just came to barb hair." I shouted and moved out of the shop, sharp sharp
Abeg I love my wife, if cheating is this expensive biko I'll remain faithfully cheap.
The End
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Growing up, there's this guy that lived on our street. He was around 20 I think
He was sweet, handsome, gentle, hard-working but broke & struggling
All the kids loved him, he could speak English so everyone knew he was very intelligent…
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She laughed and said she's not arresting me, that it's for BDSM.
Then she brought out horsewhip
I fainted
"whip..."
I woke up as soon as the whip landed on my head
Then fainted again when I saw Linda ontop of me.
The End
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"Was today the first time, my little one?" He asked again
"Yes." Rashidat said looking down and moving her feet
"Very brave girl. Now, tell me and your mummy and daddy how he did it?"
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Happy endings are overrated
But then my happy ending might be ur worst nightmare
My name is Priscilla & I'm dead
At my funeral, my husband cried so much he jumped into my grave
Our prophet consoled him, the one I always ran to after constant abuse & infidelity 4rm my husband
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On my way back from work my wife texted me to price a bag of rice & beans from the market, so I stopped by the evening market to price it.
As I got there, the first woman was attending to a customer and ignoring me.
Nobody will waste my time, quickly, I moved to the second one
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He just bought his first car in his 30s. That night, he cried in his apartment. Sitting on his Persian rug in his stylishly tiled apartment, he shed tears for almost an hour
He remembered when he first moved to Lag & how he squatted with his roommate, Joseph, from their uni days
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The federal roads are so damaged that our driver and fellow motorists are forced to divert through alternative routes within the communities, which are nearly as terrible as the federal roads.
Edo boys came out in their numbers, from youths to small boys as young as 13, sagging,
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There’s this woman that is notorious meddling in everyone's affairs in the compound
She's either calling someone up to report that she saw their daughter getting into a man's car, or she's spotted someone's son smoking and hanging out with bad boys.
It's always the negative
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I was washing my car one fine Saturday morning, okay, maybe not washing, just cleaning because I'm very lazy when it comes to getting my hands dirty
I was just about done when a man probably in his late 30's or early 40's hollered a few feet away,
"Hello boy!"
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ILORIN
My father came home one night and told us we were relocating to Ilorin, Lagos has become too expensive for him. My mother and two sisters immediately started planning like they were expecting it.
I cried silently in my room for weeks. Ah, Ilorin!If it was even Ibadan it
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A man was called from the office and asked to quickly rush to the hospital because his mother was brought in unconscious.
When he got there, he found a nurse who explained that the doctor was with the mother and he'll know more when she does.
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I went to visit my friend in his house. His girlfriend was around and she was with a friend
I immediately knew what this was
A matchmake or a blind date setup
I smiled
My friend has been on my neck to find a girlfriend. In fact, he has made it his mission to get me hooked
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The first time I visited Abuja was because of a girl I’ve been chatting with online for 2 months
We finally agreed to meet and she invited me over because she said she wouldn’t come to
Lagos unless I come To Abuja first
“But I don’t have anyone there.” I protested…
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Out of all the rules & regulations, the only one that rang in my head & made me shout was when they told me not to date a white girl
"What, I should not what?"
Me that have been dreaming & fantasizing all my life to knack oyibo, these enemies of progress are telling me not to
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I was with a friend over the weekend
She got married two years ago and she’s still in her honeymoon phase as she and the husband still play and behave like teenagers, laughing, hanging out, taking goofy selfies, reenacting TikTok challenges, and peppering us on WhatsApp
I've
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There’s this uncle in the village that only calls to give bad news
He will never call you on a normal day except when someone dies, runs mad, has an accident or gets hospitalized
Infact the last time he called me, someone had just been arrested & sent to KiriKiri in Abuja.
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How I ran mad the day I travelled to Lagos
My friend Obinna invited me 2 Lagos after being jobless in Port Harcourt for years
We graduated from Uniport together & when he was traveling to Lag to hustle, I swore I'd never relocate 2 Lag bcos of all the scary stories I've heard
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I remember the apartment I used to live in back in the days
One day I woke up to someone knocking
"Who's there?"
"Good morning, it's landlord."
The landlord was out of the country when we rented the apartment
All the negotiations & transactions were handled by the caretaker
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Before I met my wife, I used to get help with my laundry & even order food from food vendors
It’s not that I’m lazy but I’m very busy to come back home & start cooking or washing my clothes when they pile up
So, I’ll ask around & get help with cooking & cleaning my place
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I got a call from my best friend, Tony, inviting me to a wedding
His oga's daughter was getting married in Benin, I was excited because I have heard rumors about Edo girls and how beautiful and sweet, they are.
I planned to find out how true the rumors were
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We went clubbing & after a few drinks, one very tall sexy & beautiful white skinned girl just walked up to me, smiling. She introduced herself & told me she loved my energy and my dance.
God, this is what our Nigerian girls will never do especially in a club…
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"Jesus!!!" My wife screamed
The people in the compound sighed and started entering their houses
When the man got close to me, lo and behold, it was my uncle.
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I have a friend who is a talented graphics designer and video editor. He loves to use his skills to serve his church, designing flyers, banners, and eCards for various programs whenever his pastor requested, always doing so for free.
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