Your Emotional Healing Coach
@AfsaRosette
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الحمد لله Turning Heartbreak into Clarity | Grab my eBook or Book 1:1 call ⬇️
Joined February 2021
10 Signs you’re beginning to heal; . 1. You’re getting better at recognising your feelings .2. When things go wrong, you don’t automatically blame yourself .3. You don’t second guess yourself .4. You can speak up without overthinking .5. You’re much less sensitive to rejection.
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Nobody talks about the guy who shows up during your healing stage. The one who’s calm, patient, & genuinely kind. He makes you feel safe in ways you didn’t even realise you needed. He’s not love bombing or playing games…he’s consistent, steady, and truly sees you.
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Most ppl don’t realise this, the body grieves routine before it grieves a person. So you aren’t crying over him. You’re crying over the version of yourself that was shaped by his patterns, attuned to his silences, fluent in the unspoken language of his inconsistencies.
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Most men don’t like you. They just want to experience you. Know the difference. Here’s how;.
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Most men don’t like you. They just want to experience you. Dont be the experiment & know the difference. Here’s how;.
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A man going through “a lot” is not your invitation to become his therapist or emotional caretaker. If the texts get slower, his presence fades, and he puts you on the back burner, ask yourself…Is this the energy I want to build my life around?.
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I’ve tasted being the bigger person. I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.
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How to survive dating with an anxious attachment style (aka how to stop bleeding out for the bare minimum and reclaim your nervous system in the age of breadcrumb love);.
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If you want to see the depth of someone’s emotional intelligence, confront them on something they did. Gently, with love. Not from a place of blame, but from a desire to be understood and met. Then watch what they do. How they respond will tell you everything.
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Going from anxious to secure is beautiful. You’ve stopped obsessing & trying to get ppl to see you & start remembering how to see yourself. You go from being the emotional first responder in every dynamic to just being now. If you’re not here yet, do this;.
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I saw a TikTok where a woman said, if you’re a giver, you need to find another giver to love. You’ll always be happier with someone like you. And damn… if that ain’t the truth. Bc givers don’t just love, we pour. We stretch, we sacrifice, we make space where there is none.
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I love seeing ppl who haven’t had the best relationships finally find their person. It’s like watching someone who’s been carrying around a heavy weight for years finally put it down.
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A therapist on IG said “You don’t chase them bc you love them. You chase them bc deep down, you’re still trying to prove to yourself that you’re worth staying for.”It’s not just about them. It’s about the part of you that still believes love has to be earned. Here’s why;.
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Maturing is realising an insecure man will punish you for the qualities that made him want you. At first, your light intrigues him, then it threatens him. Your confidence draws him in, then he chips away at it to keep you within reach.
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Nobody talks about the side effects of dealing with guys who didn’t like you. The ones who lied. The ones who told you what you wanted to hear. Then you meet the new man & he’s different. He’s not love bombing you or playing games.
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Having a sister is honestly one of the best things in life. There’s this magic in growing closer as you get older, like all along, your best friend was right there. She’s not just someone who’s there… she’s there.
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There’s 6 stages to letting go, but most ppl get stuck at 1. Where the mind refuses to update its reality. You know you should move on, you tell yourself you have to, but no matter what you do, it’s like your heart didn’t get the memo.
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If you’re someone who overthinks, you’ll struggle to go no contact & heal the most bc you don’t just remember, you relive & philosophise your pain. Grief for the emotionally intelligent is layered.
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If you’re someone who likes depth. You’re more prone to attracting avoidants. They’ll bring intellect & at first it’ll feel like you’re compatible. Until you realise you’re engaging with a mind but the heart is in lockdown. Remember one sees you. The other just studies you.
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Nobody talks about the guy who shows up during your healing stage. The one who’s calm, patient, & genuinely kind. He makes you feel safe in ways you didn’t even realise you needed. He’s not love bombing or playing games…he’s consistent, steady, and truly sees you.
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If you’re someone who likes depth. You’re more prone to attracting avoidants. They’ll bring intellect & at first it’ll feel like you’re compatible. Until you realise you’re engaging with a mind but the heart is in lockdown. Remember one sees you. The other just studies you.
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If you want to see the depth of someone's emotional intelligence, confront them on something they did. Gently, with love. Not from a place of blame, but from a desire to be understood and met. Then watch what they do. How they respond will tell you everything.
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Maturing is realising no one will ever talk you out of a man. You have to feel your way out. You’ll rationalise & hope, but the soul leaves first. Long before you pack your bags, the detachment begins when the apologies don’t soothe you & the patterns stop surprising you.
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If you can heal from a breakup without being in a rebound situationship or using another person to fill the void, you’re so strong. Healing alone is the toughest things you'll ever face, but it's also one of the most transformative. 1/4.
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Can we talk about the withdrawals that hit when someone ghosts you or walks away? When you go from talking to them every day to… nothing? It feels like losing a part of yourself. Like this gaping hole you don’t know how to fill.
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Maturing is realising an insecure man will punish you for the qualities that made him want you. At first, your light intrigues him, then it threatens him. Your confidence draws him in, then he chips away at it to keep you within reach.
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You’ll only ever obsess over the ppl who make you feel unsafe. Obsession isn’t born from love, it’s instability & not knowing where you stand. The ones who leave you spiraling & crashing out are the ones who pull you in.
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Some ppl don’t want you, they just want to be wanted by you. They feed you just enough hope to stay. You’ll meet someone who tells you, plain as day, that they’re not in a position to give you what you want. But somehow, they never really leave. They linger & check in.
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Ppl will admire your depth until it’s time to swim in it. They’ll praise your wisdom until it holds them accountable… love your light until it exposes their shadows. They’ll crave your energy until they realise it’s not free….
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Deep convos are my safe place. My love language is intellectual intimacy. There’s something about peeling back the layers of who we are, tracing the roots of our emotion & mapping out the way our pasts shape our present that feels like home to me.
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Anxious lovers, what was your dealbreaker? What made you stop chasing, obsessing and reaching out to them?.
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Maturing is realising selflove is when you decide to stop pursuing someone who isn’t emotionally available to you… even if they seem like they are. Bc sometimes, we confuse availability with access.
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Most men don’t like you. They just want to experience you. Dont be the experiment & know the difference. Here’s how;.
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The loneliness that comes with fixing your life… hits different. It’s not just about being alone, it’s sitting in the quiet after you’ve walked away from everything & everyone that wasn’t good for you. It’s the ache that comes when you say no to ppl you once said yes to.
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Some men don’t love beautiful women. They love owning beautiful women. They love being the sole witness to your glow, the quiet puppeteer behind how you see yourself. I remember this girl who went on a Valentine’s date with a man who should’ve been proud to be seen with her. 1/6.
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If you want to see the depths of someone’s emotional maturity, tell them they’ve hurt you. The way they react to your pain, will tell you everything you need to know. It’s like holding up a mirror to them, and in that reflection, you’ll see the real contours of their character.
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There’s a thin line btwn someone who’s emotionally unavailable & someone who just doesn’t want you. And when you’re emotionally invested, that line doesn’t just blur , it dissolves. Bc when the heart is hungry, even breadcrumbs feel like a meal.
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Ppl will admire your depth until it’s time to swim in it. They’ll praise your wisdom until it holds them accountable… love your light until it exposes their shadows.They’ll crave your energy until they realise it’s not free.
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How to survive dating with an avoidant attachment style (aka how to stop running from real intimacy & reclaim your heart in the age of disconnection);.
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Ppl will admire your depth until it’s time to swim in it. They’ll praise your wisdom until it holds them accountable… love your light until it exposes their shadows. They’ll crave your energy until they realise it’s not free….
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How to survive dating with an anxious attachment style (aka how to stop bleeding out for the bare minimum and reclaim your nervous system in the age of breadcrumb love);.
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Love is a mirror. When it’s real it reflects back. It was never about your efforts. It was about their capacity. There’s a fine line between being patient with someone’s wounds & sacrificing yourself at the altar of their inability to show up. If you keep excusing their absence….
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There’s 6 stages to letting go, but most ppl get stuck at 1. Where the mind refuses to update its reality. You know you should move on, you tell yourself you have to, but no matter what you do, it’s like your heart didn’t get the memo.
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The biggest ick. a paranoid, unhealed man. Not bc he’s hard to love but bc he’ll make love hard for you. If a man is committed to his pain more than he is to his healing, he will drag you into the war he has with himself.
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There is no one busier than someone who’s not interested. And what’s mad is they’ll still tell you things that sound true enough to keep you holding on. It’s never loud disinterest, & it makes you question your instincts. So instead of leaving, you rationalise their absence.
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Most ppl don’t realise this, the body grieves routine before it grieves a person. So you aren’t crying over him. You’re crying over the version of yourself that was shaped by his patterns, attuned to his silences, fluent in the unspoken language of his inconsistencies.
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I told my client today the depression & anxiety you’re feeling, isn’t actually sadness. That’s why you feel disconnected from everything & don’t know why. That’s why texts go unanswered bc replying feels too much. Depression isn’t always crying in the dark….
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What made letting go easier for me is realising I was never the problem. Some ppl don’t want love; they want freedom from accountability, expectations, from the weight of consistency. They’ll entertain you for as long as your boundaries and standards are low.
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No contact is saying “I will no longer abandon my reality for the sake of an imagined version of you.” Bc to keep the door open, energetically or literally is to keep your soul hostage to a future that doesn’t exist.
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Lauryn Hill once said, “Everybody wants to know where you’re going to, ’cause they wanna come or so they think , until they find the cost of it. Until they find out what you lost for it.” If that ain’t the truth. Ppl romanticise your becoming, but couldn’t stomach your unbecoming.
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Date men who have integrity. Men who know that their word is a bond & honour it in action. Date men who don’t shift with convenience, who don’t say one thing tonight and another thing in the morning, bc for them, consistency is a form of respect.
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There’s 3 stages to No Contact & most ppl don’t realise that the 2nd is where their nervous system rebels. Here’s how to do it; . Step 1: Initiation. The moment you say: “I’m done.”It’s the easiest part bc you’re not detached yet. You’re just determined.
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Maybe the love story you’ve been searching for is about choosing yourself even when loneliness tries to make you beg. Maybe it’s about finally seeing yourself & letting that be enough. You don’t obsess bc you love. You obsess bc something in you is starving.
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If you can heal from a breakup without being in a rebound situationship or using another person to fill the void, you’re so strong. Healing alone is the toughest things you'll ever face, but it's also one of the most transformative.
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I’m a firm believer that the fastest way to remember who you are… is to sit at the table with women who already refuse to forget who they are. Not women who perform esteem but women who embody it.
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There’s a dangerousness in outsourcing your safety for a man. Let me walk you through it. When your emotional security depends on whether he calls, stays, chooses, changes…you’re not in a relationship, you’re in limbo. And limbo is the most seductive forms of self-abandonment.
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A lot of men aren’t heartless, they’re hurting. They’re not emotionally unavailable just emotionally unstable. And there’s a big difference. That’s why so many of them show up as avoidants. But it goes deeper than fear of intimacy. Let’s talk about it;.
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Being ghosted is a bullet dodged. They knew they couldn’t give & take, so they chose to take & leave. It’s a confession disguised as silence. It’s not just avoidance, it’s inability. Yes I hurts, it leaves questions unanswered but also, you didn’t lose. You got spared. 1/2.
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Some men are poets of pain but students of nothing. A man who can’t be alone with himself will never really be with you either. You’ll just be the next place he hides. It’s subtle at first. He’ll talk about how “healing” but somehow, he’s never single.
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I’ve felt the intensity of obsession, the endless overthinking of a talking stage. I’ve given energy to men who weren’t ready. I highly recommend stepping back, focus on your own goals. The way out is simple, but it takes discipline. Remove their access to you. 1/2.
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Some ppl will walk into your life, flip everything upside down, & leave like they never touched a thing. No care. No accountability. No emotional intelligence. It isn’t that they don’t see the damage, they do. They just bury it. They’re avoidants of theirs emotions too.
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This is the kind of thinking that keeps ppl trapped in situationships, mistaking chaos for connection & turnover for depth. Romanticising breakups isn’t profound, it’s a symptom of a culture that fears finality, accountability & the weight of choice.
Breaking up and getting back together is a key part of long-term relationships in the current frame of commitment today but many aren't ready for that conversation.
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Healing is when you become harder to fool & easier to love. And maturing is realising you’re not just picking a partner. You’re picking how safe it’ll feel later. You’re choosing the soil from which your next seasons of self esteem will grow… or rot.
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When they start hitting you with excuses, work’s too busy, time isn’t on their side, life’s just a lot & you stay holding space… only for them to pop back up with more of the same. That’s not even emotional unavailability, it’s selective effort.
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When you taste the sweetness of compatibility, chaos stops being appealing. You stop romanticising the highs & lows, mistaking mixed signals for mystery. Bc when it’s right, there’s no guessing game. No over explaining. No waiting for someone to “choose” you properly. Love flows.
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Avoidants, what was the moment… the shift… that made you stop running from love & start letting it hold you, even when you were scared? Was it a person, a feeling, a realisation?.
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Mixed signals means they don’t like you like that. When someone really wants you there’s no confusion. No guessing. Maybe you grew up thinking love had to be earned. Maybe you’re used to crumbs bc that’s what feels familiar. Or maybe you think be patient enough, they’ll change.
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An insecure man doesn’t always know he’s insecure. This is why observing behaviour over time is the best decision you’ll ever make. Intentions can be rehearsed. Psychological time always tells the truth bc ppl don’t just act, they repeat. The repetition shows the truth.
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The most humbling thing is meeting someone with your attachment style. It’s like seeing your shadow come to life. Two fearful avoidants, silently wishing to be held, yet terrified of what would happen if someone saw them fully & left them. Let’s work through it;.
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You’re not in love with them. You’re in love with who you thought you’d get to be beside them. The obsession is the grief of a dream, not a person.
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You’ll take rejection less personally when you remember “ppl don’t abandon you. They abandon the role they were never committed to fulfilling.” And sometimes we don’t want them back. We want the story we created around them to finally feel true.
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Maturing is realising not to take potential personally. Someone not being ready is not your invitation to convince them. Søren Kierkegaard once said, “Marry the one who loves you, not the one you want to love you.”.
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Sometimes, maturing & healing is standing in the mirror & admitting, “Them not choosing me hurt.” Not dressing it up with pride, just sitting with the raw truth. Bc we do hurt. But this gives you sight. Not just to the pain itself, but to the patterns it creates. 1/5.
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Someone can be attracted to your beauty, your softness, your soul… and still betray you without hesitation. Someone can be intrigued by your energy, obsessed with your light, fascinated by your mind… and still never choose to honour you.
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A therapist on IG said “You don’t chase them bc you love them. You chase them bc deep down, you’re still trying to prove to yourself that you’re worth staying for.”. It’s not just about them. It’s about the part of you that still believes love has to be earned.
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Some souls come into your life not to stay, but to break the spell of your own self abandonment. To show you where you still collapse in the face of love. There’s a concept called symbolic loss. It’s the mourning of something that never fully existed, but was deeply believed in.
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Going no contact only works when you teach your brain what you deserve. Your brain craves familiarity not love. It clings to what it knows even when it’s toxic. You relapse when you romanticise the good & skip over the hurt. So flip the script, replay the lies, the disrespect.
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There’s a dangerous comfort in nonchalance. A man who moves with no certainty for you, is a man who hasn’t yet realised what he’s holding. Discernment isn’t just seeing him for who he is, it’s seeing the path he offers.
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You don’t obsess bc you love. You obsess bc something in you is starving.
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I learned to let go when I realised that an avoidant’s shutdown wasn’t just act of detachment, it was an internal war between their desire & self preservation. Fear is just the tip of the iceberg. It’s fear of losing their selfhood in love.
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Attraction is not loyalty. Interest is not commitment. Desire is not devotion. Presence is not permanence. A man can crave the feeling you give him without ever wanting the responsibility of keeping it sacred.
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Maturing is saying, “I don’t care how good it feels right now… I care how safe it feels later.” See, intensity can feel like intimacy when you’re still healing. It’s about recognising the diff between someone who’s regulating with you & someone who’s dysregulating through you.
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Saw a post that said you can’t repeatedly disappoint somebody & expect their energy to still crave you. If that ain’t the truth. And here’s the hardest bit. Letting go isn’t always about them. It’s about recalibrating your body to peace so that chaos should never feel like home.
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1.Stop begging for safety & start creating it within. The reason you spiral isn’t just bc they didn’t text, it’s bc your nervous system never learned how to feel safe in stillness. Regulate before you ruminate.
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How to go No Contact (without spiralling) using Law of Detachment; . Most ppl don’t know that detachment isn’t just about releasing a person, it’s about releasing the story you’ve attached to them.
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Can we normalise ignoring men who bother women they’re not ready for? There’s an insidious game in the pursuit. 1 day they’re messaging you non stop the next they’re distant. Then they talk about their past as the misunderstood romantic. You insert yourself into that story. 1/3.
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Some ppl come into your life not to stay, but to break the spell of your own self abandonment. To show you where you still collapse in the face of love. There’s a concept called symbolic loss. It’s the mourning of something that never fully existed, but was deeply believed in.
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Nobody talks about the side effects of dealing with guys who didn’t like you. The ones who lied. The ones who told you what you wanted to hear. Then you meet the new man & he’s diff. He’s not love bombing you or playing games.
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Some goodbyes don’t need words, just a heart that’s finally done bleeding. Sometimes that’s just the final straw. Forgiving someone over & over until one day something shifts. Not in them, but in you. That’s the thing about love, it doesn’t always end in fire….
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I started real slow. I started real. I unfollowed the triggers I secretly used to reopen my wounds. I prayed. I wrote letters to my younger self & apologised. I stopped performing softness & became soft with me. And little by little, I reclaimed her.
girl to girl tough edition: how did yall heal, what steps did yall take to actually want to start healing ??.
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They don’t want love. They want access & you are not a revolving door. The most terrifying ppl to encounter are validation seekers. Dopamine Nomads. They reflect who you want them to be… but there’s nothing behind the mirror. What they want is the high of being idealised.
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Things I’m no longer tolerating; .1. People’s Projections .2. Gaslighting .3. Having your feelings dismissed .4. Power imbalance in relationships .5. Emotional Manipulation .6. One sided relationships. What are some things you’re not tolerating for the rest of the year?.
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Ppl on dating apps aren’t looking for love, they’re looking for void fillers. Yeah, there are exceptions. But the majority are running from things they’re still tangled in & numbing the stings from the past.
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Once you know the cost of shrinking, you can never go back to being small. And if you’re someone with strong boundaries, you’ve probably had moments where you’ve stared at your ceiling at 1am wondering if you’re the problem. Bc everywhere you look, ppl are coupled up. Settled.
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Wanting someone at war with themselves will never bring peace to you. There’s a dangerousness in desiring a person who’s inconsistent with themselves bc their flakiness isn’t about you.
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Ppl who ghost are at their core, cowards. It’s never about you being too anything. They don’t disappear bc they don’t care. It’s bc they can’t care in the way love requires. It requires vulnerability & communication. AND TRUTH. So instead, they run.
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There’s a dangerous comfort in nonchalance. A man who moves with no urgency or certainty for you, is a man who hasn’t yet realised what he’s holding. And if he doesn’t know, he’ll handle you carelessly.
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Healing is when you become harder to fool & easier to love. And maturing is realising you’re not just picking a partner. You’re picking how safe it’ll feel later. You’re choosing the soil from which your next seasons of self esteem will grow… or rot.
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Nothing hits like remembering who you are after forgetting. After you’ve tiptoed around your worth just to keep something that was never yours. There is something holy about reclaiming your rhythm.
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“If they wanted to, they would.” It feels like truth, esp when you’re trying to make sense of the dissonance in ppl. But ppl don’t always act on what they want. And understanding is a double edged sword. It makes you see things for what they are, but also for what they aren’t.
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