H.Pain Coalcraft
@8EyedEel
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Following
520
Media
19,961
Statuses
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Last Seen Profiles
"One ticket for 'Joker' bought in 2019. You went to the theater without a girlfriend, is that correct Mr. Rittenhouse?"
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"How did Ramona Flowers 'ruin' an entire generation of women? Can you elaborate on that?"
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Just made one the funniest discoveries in Skyrim, you can pickpocket someone's heart (they will die instantly)
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Nords hate elves so much they put an elf soyjak on this ax
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Aaaah a new DLC for my favourite grand strategy game, let's see
- Reworked mission tree for the african nation of Mambuti
- New form of government for the indonesian tribe of Jumanji
- 100 new events for the Ubantu religion
Perfect.
*buys DLC*
*Starts campaign as France*
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These are bad, bad people. The worst. Really deranged. Astonishingly disgusting.
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u at the club when these three block your way and call you a "mayo-ass honky cracka". How do you open?
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>"It appears that you only accepted 9 out 10 of my absurd demands, I have no choice but to destroy Europe now"
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Town rapist
If the Fallout universe was real what would your job be?
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'Advanced biology' is actually like
"Here's 2 sexes, but sometimes there are rare mutations and misshapen genitals"
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>playing a fantasy game
>enter spacious sewer beneath the city
>find the Thieves Guild
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"Please stop using your submarines on every ship you see"
"Hello, Mexico? Would you like to invade the US for the Kaiser?"
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"Soon there's going to be a knock on that door and you will be called outside. In the hall there will be a man who out-ranks you.
First he'll compliment you on the fine job you've done. And then he's going to tell you that I am to be exchanged for a female basketball player."
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Nikki Haley attempts to tie Hamas attacks to Putin:
"Hamas invaded Israel on October 7th, October 7th is Putin's birthday."
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Whenever some rancid comedian goes off about how you arent allowed to be funny anymore or jokes are impossible without being nasty, I think of how someone posted a menu that had misspelled "shrimp" as "sprimp" and how.i laughed so hard I nearly threw up
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Sending HRT to underage people so you can mock them when they ruin their life
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Seasoning Police determined that Italians are officially white
italians think they have the best food in the world when they colonized the tomato from south america and still can barely season that hoe? let’s be for real
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"Why aren't you criticizing the only country that is giving you asylum? Sounds like I caught you in a contradiction"
>Reveals that the government has the capacity to spy on it's citizens.
>Refuses to elaborate further.
>Escapes to a country wher the government spying on it's citizens is common practice and people are jailed for criticizing the state.
>Never says a bad word about said state.
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>"Let's not renew our neutrality with Russia"
>"What are they going to do? Ally with France, a republic?"
>"Let's build a giant navy to threaten Britain"
>"What are they going to do? Ally with France, their old rival?"
>"Let's snatch Morocco from France"
>"What are they goin-"
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Not sure what's more amusing, Tate presented as "conservative influencer" or the fact they drew him white
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this tweet needs to be the banner image for every trans discord server. you want to pass? you want people to desire you? stop talking about europa universalis and make fashion and makeup your new autistic special interests.
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On Day 1, *instantly* fire 50% of federal bureaucrats.
Here’s how: if your SSN ends in an odd number, you’re fired.
That downsizes government by half. Absolutely *nothing* will break as a result.
It doesn’t violate civil service rules because mass layoffs are exempt.
SHUT IT
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"This country has gone insane- I didn't fight two wars for this."
"What are you talking about? You were a draft dodger!"
"Like I've said, I didn't fight for this."
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Do you think Patton would be able to tell the difference between a russians and ukranians
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My dad was a student in Iran before the revolution, he always told me how people used to be free and women didn't wear the veil.
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This was considered comically wall-hitting in 1403
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"I don't get it. Where is the turn-based combat?"
"No Gigachad, it's not that kind of game. This is deep social commentary about-"
"There is no way to play as pure stealth class, this is bad game design."
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"Basically Dante was writing a self-insert fanfiction where everyone he doesn't like is in hell."
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Working sucks, I'm not going to pretend it doesn't to own zoomers.
Recent college grad has breakdown over working a job. We’re doomed.
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FACT: Countries cannot declare war on you if you refuse.
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"SAURON!! I'M COMING TO KILL YOU! IN MORDOR, AT YOUR FORTRESS!"
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Thank you for taking a brave and courageous stand against single men, few people have the courage to do this
"Ew so gross women are having sex with other men I definitely would never watch that give me a virgin please."
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Every man in those boats were taking orders from this guy
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White people don't say "he a real nigga" they say "Faustian"
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>first date
>ask what's her favourite dinosaur
>"ummm I don't know, stegosaurus maybe?"
>explain why she's wrong for the next two hours
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WW1 veterants went through the most hellish war imaginable returned home and wrote memoirs like "shame we had to shoot such nice people but war is war". Normies on twitter are fantasizing about genocide and orgasming under photos of dead soldier.
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"NIMBYs claim that Egypt is 'full' but if you look at the map, most of the country is empty!"
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Troonjaks think there was a scientific revolution in 2014 that revolutionized our understanding of human sexuality
"for thousands of years we had all these genders waiting to be discovered by tumblr scientists"
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"Yeah I'm into books"
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"Gigachad I don't think we're in New Jersey anymore."
"Nonsense, we're close to New York. It says so on the GPS."
"T-that's new York York, Bakhmut. Didn't you hear the artillery?"
"My senses are a little dulled from listening to Drake."
Here's an unusual situation. I had a Tesla, crashed it, it was totaled. And now it's ... in Ukraine? And someone there is listening to Drake on my, still logged in, Spotify account.
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What do you mean "Europa Universalis V"? They just released EU4, it's still brand new
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BREAKING: Iran threatens to destroy several American cultural sites in retaliation
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"Kyle Rittenhouse crossed the heckin state lines!"
"State lines are imaginary. All borders are made up, no human is illegal."
"What?"
"We're all made of stardust"
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When Sam Hyde said "I'm gonna kill you Hassan" that was our Muhammad Ali moment
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"It's easy to impress women, just go and talk to her"
They want to ban TikTok because everyone on it is sharing the video of Osama bin Laden teaching young men how to get girlfriends successfully.
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When the "punching holes in the wall" meme started circulating I was at first confused, wondering if americans are really strong or if they live in cardboard houses
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