I have a theory that things will continue to get worse, not better.

My impressions may be down but my love of Christ is way up!.

It’s fairly well known that I invented the term “crunked” at a party back in the early to mid 90s.

Addressing the public at large as “chat” is possibly the stupidest shit you could do.

Looking like I’ll be heading down to the lake just in time for it to be chilly enough not to be able to enjoy the water.

Just shaved my head and beard with a #1&1/2 guard. You wouldn’t believe how incredibly beautiful I am right now.

I’ve never even seen a woodshed let alone had someone take me to one.

You can walk in to a pharmacy in a third world country and ask them for any medication and they will give it to you without a doctor’s prescription if you got the cash.

Grilled chicken salad for lunch and some eggs for dinner. Now repeat this everyday for the rest of your life.

Mind boggling to me that they have never thought to open a Medieval Times dinner theater in Branson, Missouri. Seems like the perfect location for a business like that.

There’s a rumor going around that I am dead. I’m here to tell you that is not true. I am very much alive and doing great.

420 dudes.

The lottery is fake.

I do all my business transactions in the darsek which is the standard currency of the Klingon empire.

Can I please get some dip? Put some cheese on my chip!.

The dragon and the elephant. China, the dragon, is a fake made up mystical creature that doesn’t exist. India, the elephant, produces more excrement than any other creature on earth.

India has really shown their hand this weekend. Which is fine but their agents/all Indian immigrants need to kindly return back to their homeland and get the fuck out of America.

Gas prices are higher than they’ve been in quite some time around here.

RT @churrascooooo: dr pepper? Where he go to medical school? john popkins? 😂.