About: - 25 | he/him - STEM | Europe - ADHD, ASD, SUD, etc. - Writing, gym, music Here to drop off my thoughts while inpatient to prevent them from eating me alive. If you know me irl: 1) Leave or 2) stay, watch, zip it and live with the consequences. #shtwt #988shtwt

3) Shit maybe I should remove the pronouns from my page and get people guessing. Would probably prove my argument.

2) Now add in a snippet written by someone nonbinary, and 80 of them would be absolutely done for.

1) And you know fucking what, that’s not just a me-problem. Drag 100 people into some kinda lab and have them read two snippets of text, one written by a woman, one by a man. I’d bet money on AT LEAST 65 of them failing at the task.

Shit got easier when people started putting pronouns in the bio. Less work than guessing wrong and apologizing later. I missed the mark a lot back when it wasn’t a thing. Thought I could accurately infer gender from writing style and general impression. I was wrong.

Time for a real post. No deadlifts, no Lockheed Martin, no Cadillac Eldorado. Just a reminder that I’m inpatient, safe and sound. I post to cope, not because I’m spiraling. Yeah, I’m unbearable. Anyone locked in a psych ward with their thoughts and a phone would be. Peace out✌️

Precision is the most beautiful thing theres is tbh 🙏

i don't overshare for attention. i overshare because i have no impulse control and poor boundaries

heartbreaking news: another fucking day

I PURPOSELY ignore hints so people can speak up and be direct like an adult.

People cry for help in so many ways. Acting out. Pushing people away. Mood swings. Substance abuse. Reckless behavior. And what do y’all do? Call them toxic. Cut them off. Talk shit about them.

Shit’s been bothering me for ages.

Actually a good question.

when someone asks why i cut myself but i dont know why either

7/7) Absolute worst thread I’ve ever made. In essence it’s about the psychological cost of hyperfocus+ trauma + perfectionis– … Nah honestly it’s mostly about the holy scripture that is Excel + genetics trolling my brother and I both.

6) And then you’ve got my fcking brother who gains 4 kgs simply by side eyeing an empty pizza box, and wants to be lean. Either way, nutritional warfare in both directions. The gods are criminally sadistic.

5) Tho let’s be fr, I was a visible-serratus-haver trapped in powerlifting ambitions living in eternal bulking purgatory eating like it was a full time job just to not end up accidentally cutting.

4) Also, I don’t wanna face the evidence that I’m not that anymore. At the time I was knee deep in powerlifting brain-rot culture. Thought my lifts were dogshit, just like everyone else. Looking back tho, I can’t believe I lifted all that. Those were advanced level lifts. Tf.

3) That was pretty much The Excel Arc. Lifting mutated into Spreadsheet Simulator Pro and I spent as much time starin at my computer screen as I did at the gym. At that point it was no longer working out, but logistics management. Excel entered the throne. Fun exited the chat.

2) … but I was wrong. Shit’s fucking hard. The gym no longer represent progress&mastery. Only reminds me of the worst period of my life. Long story. All I’m gonna say is that it involved receiving death threats + some highly questionable life choices.

1) Life is all abt cyclin through regulation strategies until the day we die, and I’ve been tryin to do a hard shift from sh back to serious liftin. Shouldn’t be that hard. Same engine runnin. Strong sensations. Cause&effect. Visible outcome. Body-focused; It doesn’t argue back.