Salem / 2possums1coat.bsky.social
@2possums1coat
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Raluca on the legal sheets, Salem in the streets ///// co-host of @leechfestpod
Joined July 2021
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Pinned Tweet
Add me on bluesky before musk bans tweeting about other social media platforms or some such bullshit
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Me and my gf in the kitchen after putting a pie in the oven
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I'm not normally a snitch but Swedes put cucumber in their tacos
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Remember how in January I said I'd get buff this year? I didn't lie
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(lovingly) for the annoying enby in your life
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As Lenin once said: you want a Maserati? You want a Bugati?
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We're at a burlesque show, I've never seen this many bodacious milfs in my life
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And this kids, is how I met your mother
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Girls are allowed to be a little mean and bitchy on vacation
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I think it's rly funny how servers never give Mia the bill and always hand it to me directly. Today we got takeout pizza and the server literally dodged Mia's outstretched hand and gave it to me instead
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Saw her take a pic of this animal and predicted some bullshit and wouldn't you know it
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Mia and I just passed 2 kids on the street who clapped and snickered behind our backs. These kids will never know how close they got to an ass kicking by a fully grown adult stranger in the street just now
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I'm sitting on the bus rn and a man in the seat in front of mine just reached down and grabbed my toes how's everybody's day going
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Mia didn't let me bring my own snacks to the theater
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Today I was 10 mins late to my lecture, zoned out for an hour, answered a question wrong and went home. STEM queen
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A Sunday sermon is rly just a priest having a podcast when you think about it. He goes in, talks shit for 2 hours, some of it is relevant, everybody has a mostly good time
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Gonna kiss my gf so hard i turn her inside out and she collapses on herself like a dying star
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Just overheard somebody in my department go like 'i'd like to say I'd never help develop bioweapons but I don't wanna say that bc life takes you to weird places haha'
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It makes me sick seeing people not say hello to the people cleaning the office and treating them like they're invisible
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Society if people stopped associating wearing a mask with having covid and started seeing it as a protective measure against ANY respiratory infection
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As per tradition, Mia got sicki right before her birthday weekend but we got starbies and are on our way to see some beasts
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Trauma may have stunted my emotional development and has made it very difficult to navigate interpersonal relationships, but it has also taught me how to move very silently, which holds a lot of comedic potential. A thread 🧶
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Ran out of plates so pie in a bowl it is
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Found some old comics I made a few years ago
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Just turned sideways on the train to discreetly open some nudes, completely forgetting about the window reflection 😔
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Forgetting potatoes in paper bag: they get dry and grow some sprouts
Forgetting potatoes in a plastic bag:
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Girls who smell like soap and hair products: Gorgeous, wonderful, I love u
Girls who smell a lil musky and pheromone-y: Divine. Goddesses. I catch a whiff & lose my brain. I will send you all the money in my bank account if you asked
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Love putting on a vile podcast and falling asleep immediately so my partner is stuck listening to it for a few hours
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I do hope it's bc of my undeniable charisma and assertive energy and not because they transphobically don't want to talk to Mia
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Why are movies so long??? I just saw the French Dispatch and it was almost 2 hours and I could barely do that. Just checked House of Gucci and it's 2 HOURS 38 MINUTES. ARE THEY INSANE
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Just heard somebody in my lab say 'i don't drink coffee', and somebody else mumble 'maybe you should', I'm gagged
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Mia is READY to hoot and holler at the sexy women (if appropriate)
Frantically googling whether or not it's appropriate to hoot and holler during the performance
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Asked Mia to take pictures of me at the skatepark
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it's so cute how NTs shyly introduce physical touch into a friendship by gently patting your head or awkwardly squeezing your shoulder, makes me feel like a feral cat about to get a treat
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I rly like horses so Mia got me a wonderful, thoughtful gift of a horse riding tour. Turns out I'm very allergic to horses now lmao
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My gender is the people in your walls
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I love my girlfriend sm i literally want to rip her to shreds
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Applying for diversity grants like 'back in the Far Away vassal state of Moldavia...barefoot i would run in my grandpapa's grape orchard, and the soil was rich and fertile...like the knowledge I am hoping to attain if you give me this internship...'
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Somebody just signed up to our highest tier on Patreon, which means they get to be sent a hair strand from each of us lol
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We went to a gun range! I was really bad at it and the instructor looked stressed out the entire time and sighed in relief every time I put the gun down
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Everyone wants to work in a 'cutting edge' research lab till the machine that costs more than your life starts acting up
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Sooo are NFTs supposed to be the ugliest things in existence or?
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We're thinking about adding a very high tier to the podcast Patreon for the hell of it, but that means we also need an outrageous reward to go with it. What should we do? Hair locket? Podcaster girl bathwater?
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Wish I could hold a baby by the soft spot like a bowling ball
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Was not a huge fan of accidentally discovering I didn't know what vaccines I had, so I went and got the HPV B booster plus polio/tetanus/diphteria and measles/mumps/rubella, I'm so fucking vaxxed now
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Me in 2021: hmmm gender is weird...anyway!
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Baldur's gate? You mean speak to animals simulator?
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So i have this hideous son that i've been putting off marrying bc i wasn't sure i wanted that trait in the bloodline. and he just got an offer to join the holy order, which means he's not allowed to marry and also does not inherit titles but -
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Wearing something other than jeans and sweatshirt today, everybody say good job Salem
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Me, at 26, already having been in school for a long ass time getting a highly specialized education: hmm what if I get an engineering degree
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Ok we are *not sober* and we are making a birthday and NYE spread including bao buns with 3 different fillings AND a cake. Have I mentioned we are not sober
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Are you in a cishet relationship or are you afraid you'll never see your partner again every time they leave the house
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To the girlies being sad in the qrts: your time will come. You too shall have a gf to bake pies with
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If my 94 year old aunt born in Soviet Moldova can understand and accept queerness, so can ur shitty dad
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What if I get a tattoo of a heart with mom in it but it's not about my mom, it's about my mommy gf
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Like, the audacity ??? To snicker behind the back of not one, but TWO adults ?? I could literally wring their necks like a chicken and make them into stew
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The tongue action? Okayyy maybe this guy is not so bad
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Hot girls love to cause situations and be a menace
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I like a little extra meat both on my plate and on my girls
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Mia forgot about some potatoes and they've been putrefying in a sealed plastic bag for a few months and we just discovered it
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Mia's and my drag names are Hella Meat and Slice of Cheese
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Getting 1 (one) hit tweet when your gf's famous
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Jogger:
Skinwalker planning to deglove him:
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Hand over the lasagna and nobody gets hurt
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They're closing food banks for the funeral you can't make this shit up
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Are you the gf who gets pulled aside by airport security for having 42 packets of spicy mustard in her purse or the one who gets asked to take out the sex toys
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will live a purposeful and honorable life, and like this is the best thing that could've happened?? and i just love how he looks as happy as a clam in his little uniform. basically i love this game
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Just a little game we like to play called Corpse in the Water
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People are getting so mad about this damn cucumber tweet lmao
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The Madonna-whore complex but mommy-baby instead
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I work so hard every day in the cancer lab,,, making new cancer
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You may not like it but this is the ideal mammal
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Ok not to get all heavy on main but kind of fucked up realising that your family doesn't actually like you for who you are or is interested in getting to know you, but only cares about you bc you're family
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Need to recruit somebody to come to the gym w me and help me take some good pics bc this won't do
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Went to the climbing center and this place is swarming with buff lesbians. I had no idea but also like of course it does (need to come here more often)
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Not to be a dog but I just saw the milfiest woman in the world together with her identical looking adult daughter on the train and almost walked into a pole
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Tune in to hear Mia mispronounce charted as sharted
NEW EPISODE ⏳
This month we're tackling the topic of comas: what are they caused by and how are they managed, how have they been understood through time, and why are they so damn hard to diagnose and treat?
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We take turns with the depression and i have it now
Nevermind I’m healthy again. video still delayed but I’m out of the misery/spiral
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Got career fair today, am i serving professional female woman?
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