I been feeling ignored, neglected, and upset due to my parents priority at my younger siblings over me, all cuz i don’t have college or job, all i do is being bruden and whenever i didn’t get what i want, i got scolded, and bring up religious stuff to make me feel guilty

I understand they love me, but i was so angry, why i always treated different all cuz i have adhd? It feel like my parents also demonize adhd people cuz one time they accuse my anger was from the fact that i got “possessed by demons”, i also feel pressured to follow all of these

Religious stuff because it’s not due to the fact that i never learn how to pray back then, i did pray, i only stopped because of bullies, my mom being huge ignorant at me getting bullied affected me as whole, due to that, i moved school, i got psychically and mentally bullied

On that school all cuz.. i like bfdi? No one likes or interested w/ bfdi back then, especially at that time girls are more intersted on kpop, and i’m not a fan, that’s why i got bullied for my differenr interest, it just annoys me how i unable to enjoy what i liked.

At the end of the day, now i’m 20, i lost all my friends from past, i never have chance to met “new friends” before went to adulthood, even most my former online friends no longer likes me (or they’re inactive), i still have some, but it feels more quieter.

But you know what, i guess it’s the reality, i won’t ever able to find new friends irl because my mom keep claiming that my anger is the main reason why i never able to find real friends (despite the fact that everyone on this resident are either elders or children.

While teenagers and young adult were busy on school or college) i know she doesn’t want me to die alone, but i don’t know why she want me to find it for myself, i been living in very untrustworthy look because of trauma from past, i been decline so many therapy session

Because i’m afraid that they false dianogsis my mental disablity, it was so unprofressional and weak, now this time i will find a actual professional therapy that ensure understand EVERYTHING i wanted, without feeling pressured or distrust. (I still doubt it anyway.)

I moved on from what i did long ago, but i feel like, that wasn’t enough, i’m not a good person, but i’m not a bad person too, i may be flawed, but i’m not flawless either. Too much a good thing hurts, but letting bad things consume you, even to the point the good thing hurts.

Isn’t going to help you, you have to be patient and wait for perfect moment to find a new friend, i been living w/ my parents for past 4-5 years due to unable to find college, all because i keep reject due to trauma, but even that suppose to heal my trauma, it won’t go.

You can’t stuck on your trauma forever nor letting them consume you, pretty sure someone out here will remind you that you’re not the only one, i dislike having religious parents being extreme on their religion, i just want to live as intended, no pressure between religious stuff

It’s important to seek therapy and find help, it’s okay if you still feel distrustful due to past trauma, i still feel that, but i won’t decline this time, i sound like i’m giving false hope, my parents give me false hope a lot, which why i could feel doubtful.

I just wish it finally went away for good, i know therapy won’t instantly remove your trauma, i just want to be feel more open than before, i always keep everything secret from my parents cuz i have trauma of them making fun of me for “liking a kids show at teenager age”

I’m sorry if i talk too long, i was heavily depressed and having mental breakdown yesterday, i don’t know if i can wish you better, i just don’t want you to left broken.