Derek
@ricketyoldshack
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I am told Americans cherish this and it would be wrong to take it away.
The Health Insurance Marketplace just offered me a $981/mo plan that covers literally nothing until you reach a $10,500 yearly deductible. The Marketplace rates this plan three out of five stars.
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"Guys, I invented a racist doorbell."
Amazon wants to connect doorbell cameras to facial recognition databases, with the ability to call the police if any “suspicious” people are detected.
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"You're gonna need to eat more food." --the tapeworm in your gut
Spotify CEO Daniel Ek says working musicians can no longer release music only “once every three to four years.”
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I'm going to suggest Whole Foods' CEO consume a satchel of dicks.
Whole Foods CEO suggests employees who are not sick "donate" their vacation time to employees who are sick:
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@freddiesayers
@DSORennie
@unherd
Meanwhile in glorious America, you're just shoving retail, food service and industrial food workers into a woodchipper.
But go on.
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Ngannou could have been knocked out just as bad, if not worse in the UFC, and made far less money for it. It's unfortunate he didn't get to be that 0.1% possibility, but no one can seriously denigrate what he has accomplished with his combat sports career.
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@Adrian_Hilton
@RichardBentall
@montie
@wabbey
How delightfully self-serving.
If I stop hitting you, I will consider my main role as stopping the violence.
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Cutting Deron Winn, after he passed out and got concussed *IN THE UFC'S PEFORMANCE CENTER* 3 days before Christmas reinforces my belief that it is a moral imperative to give the UFC zero dollars.
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We are right on schedule.
If history is any indication, Jon Jones will need to commit at least 1 criminal offence and have his belt stripped before we see him back in the cage.
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In a show of bipartisanship, Doug Jones is going to take his dick out at the mall.
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I doubted Pena before she beat Nunes. I still doubt her now. Even if she wins, I will continue to doubt.
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This headline is as 2019 as it gets. Until the next one.
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A guy whose highlight reel is 50% him getting punched in the face: antibiotics were my downfall against Dustin Poirier.
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A huge contributing factor to my rapidly diminishing interest in MMA is simply how embarrassing this carny sport is at every level.
"As a collective man group, we need to elect somebody who is gonna put women back in the kitchen,"
Sean Strickland at his pre-fight press conference
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Obama's cutting it awfully close if he intends to steal your guns.
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I am so happy Woodley gets to keep trolling the UFC and its racist fans by continuing to be welterweight champ.
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If teachers really could indoctrinate peope, all the morons on this platform would know what a pronoun actually is. Here's a hint: it's not a person's name.
Just saw a shirt here in Toronto that said my pronouns are Sean/Strickland. Hahaha so good!!
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Sean Strickland acting like a hard-ass and then hopping into his car to record another sobbing testimonial for social media is completely in character.
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I find it incredibly in-character for Izzy to have done just barely enough to earn a DUI in the eyes of the judges.
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@NYDailyNews
@PennGSE
He whipped his dick out in front of co-workers and THIS is what you come up with?
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@karinjohnson
@WLWT
I keep finding weed syringes in apples on halloween. I bet it's the same guy!
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Askren isn't representing MMA (in a boxing match?) he's representing washed athletes chasing clout in the most embarrassing fashion.
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@GarbageApe
I am willing to admit that perhaps I am projecting, but Bernie's a better man than I am considering how little it seems to faze him. He must be used to disingenuous.
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@Jazzyre99350684
@SikhProf
"Pardon me ma'am, could you perchance consider being a tad less racist. My humblest thanks. Regards, the person you are illegally confining."
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@willmenaker
I see young Cody has been retconnned out of the Will Menaker cinematic universe. A shame.
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It's been 48 hours and my brain still hasn't processed the fact I saw a guy win an MMA fight in Dubai and then shoutout the Iranian protest movement before suggesting they give themselves over to Jesus.
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@DangerBrooks
@FightsCameraPod
Man, it would really suck if the technology that doesn't exist followed me to my Mars colony which will never exist.
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I completely forgot there is a guy in the old Paperboy game trying to suck his own dick on the sidewalk.
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This is a guy who started a league where dudes just slap each other in the face and can't defend.
Dana White on football 🗣️:
“Can’t stand soccer, I think it’s the least talented sport on earth. There’s a reason three year olds can play soccer ok? You run around and kick a ball."
"Do you know how untalented you have to be to score three points when the net is this big?”
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Whenever I disparage UFC fans for being CHUDs, I get told to stop watching. Buddy, I still love fights, I just don't like you lol.
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You can tell me the UFC fanbase hasn't devolved.
You would be wrong, but those are words you can use.
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Your boss pays out $1.60 out of every $10 fighters bring in, but go on chief.
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@emaeriaeem
@IntJust
@BadEmpanada
@YaarDabestaani
Are you posting this from a locked garage with a running vehicle in it?
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Certainly the sign of some sort of illness.
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@willmenaker
People will be judged for the content of the extended cabs, rather than the colour of their chassis.
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UFC fighters reminiscing over the time, 10 years, the company threw them some of the change that fell out of Dana's blackjack wallet... Normal thing.
They sold the company for 4b and you got nothing. Utter rubes.
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I won't be satisfied until Nick Diaz's win over Takanori Gomi is reinstated.
UFC anti-doping policy changes stance on marijuana; positive test no longer violation (via
@MMAjunkieJohn
)
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@CatherineLenson
This is some of the most ridiculous nonsense I have read, on a platform where 99.9% of its content is ridiculous, stupid nonsense.
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"He's playing mind games."
No, that's McGregor's cardio for real. Boxing is hard work.
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If I were involved in a custody dispute, I would simply not talk about beating someone like my kids into a live mic at a press conference.
Neil Magny: Ian Machado Garry trash talk was used in my custody battle, but no ill will toward him
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@ByYourLogic
Add tweets to the list of things cops are afraid of. We should give them more and bigger guns IMO.
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@TrishaThadani
This is very prudent. One time my neighbour smoked an entire weed and I nearly died from the second hand smoke.
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It is totally awesome that 20 years after Columbine, the discussion is exactly the same and people are talking about banning fucking video games. Our persistence as a species seems like an accident at best.
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@ByYourLogic
Guy who loves to tweet himself into a panic attack thinks everyone else wastes too much time when not hawked over by some worthless middle-manager. A modern classic.
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@_harry_tuttle_
@burgerkrang
Happy to report that the only Kid Rock lyrics I know are "ba dang ba dang diggy" and somesuch.
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"Anderson Silva wasn't actually good" is a really roundabout way of saying you started watching MMA in 2013.
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@TorontoStar
$75 on Uber tells me they don't go anywhere.
This person's life seems pretty limited and I don't see the point in getting upset with how they spend such a meager sum of money.
This is embarrassing, using this person as a hate magnet for engagement.
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@ByYourLogic
One of the only times I laughed at a Dana White comment, he described Tito Ortiz along the lines of "he's not even the smartest guy in the room when he's alone."
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@Seamus_Malek
It's cool that people are starving and can't afford insulin but some random dude with no shot can casually spend 10 million to poll below the margin of error.
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You made record profits last year, without live gates. How stupid do you think I am?
UFC COO claims illegal streamers are taking money out of fighters’ pockets
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USADA will practically invent new science to protect Jon Jones from a positive test for an anabolic and then mercilessly punishes Kelvin Gastelum for smoking weed (AKA being cool).
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If your response to Chael Sonnen telling a story isn't "hey, look at the liar lying to everybody" you probably aren't smart enough to give consent, and should have a minder at all times watching over you.
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If you can't appreciate what Jose Aldo has given us then fuck you. Just fuck you.
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DANA WHITE: I can't be scammed.
ALSO DANA WHAT: yeah, this is a great photo.
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Turns out the loser stink of the common MMA fan is too much for even a tenured commentator. Calling them the lowest common denominator is undeservedly charitable.
🚨| Jon Anik expresses his frustration and even hints retirement from UFC commentary amid fan reaction to him thinking that Dricus Du Plessis rightfully won at UFC 297. 😬
[
@AnikFlorianPod
]
#MMA
#UFC
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lol so you *are* anti-vax.
This push is getting out of hand! I feel bad for the international fighters. Hopefully they can figure out a work around loophole or they’re pretty much stuck with an ultimatum.
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@willmenaker
These dorks think if they just follow the rules hard enough, fate will intercede or something. It's delusion. Or completely disingenuous and they want this dystopia.
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@cagepotatomma
"My boy would assault the shit out of that fighter's wife" is quite the comeback.
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