Awww... @laurelrusswurm, did I hurt your feelings somewhere? The classic comment-and-block routine... your eight year old self manifesting itself in current day maturity. Ring the doorbell, run and hide!

Got two @coriandesign bathroom sinks in our condo, and they've been crap from day one. The dusty finish is impossible to keep clean, and the sharp sink corners always look gross. The surface is also covered in tiny grinding marks from production that grow mould. What's the fix?

Thanks @elonmusk for helping these @Raptors fans celebrate Toronto's win last night in style. Reckless style, but style nonetheless! https://t.co/ck5yRslcN5

Oh. Hello. I uh, I've been away for a while. Feeling a little shy. The world's a little bit different now. Will anyone care that I'm back?

Happy 75th anniversary CBC! All the best in the future. Oh, wait, you're obsolete now. Cheers!

"I wanna put it in my mouth!" ...allegedly in reference to a fajita.

"I feel like we're travelling when we go places!" ...*blink*

"Please, I'm clearly of a superior intellect to you." ..."Me smart!"

"OH NO! I farted on my own pizza! ...revenge fail."

"I've come to associate vanilla with dog shit" -Ken re: scented bags

I TOTALLY remembered this morning why I don't drink anymore. Feeling much more human now.

Barbecue area smells like meaty smores.

OMFG WE HAVE A SOFA!!!!11

"I got a strange steamin' ..." *laughter* ...no, it made no more sense in person.

I don't need danger in my salad!

The scale, sadly, now displays the correct weight. Batteries were just low. ...sigh. :-P

...I just realized that people have been replying to my tweets. Now I'm looking at replies wondering what the fuck y'all are replying to...

Tim Horton's must have run out of donuts in Toronto...

"Ooooh! My potatos are in the shape of Australia!"

My bank had the nerve to ask me why I needed $1500 in cash. They wouldn't proceed otherwise. I told them I was buying fertilizer and diesel.