Celeste Ng
@pronounced_ing
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Fiction writer, science nerd; ex-Clevelander. Embarrassingly sincere. Novels: EVERYTHING I NEVER TOLD YOU; LITTLE FIRES EVERYWHERE; OUR MISSING HEARTS. She/her.
pronounced-ing on 🟦☁️
Joined November 2012
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For years people asked why I liked Twitter. My answer: it was a place that reminds me how interesting, weird, funny, smart—and yes, sometimes even kind and caring—people are. Thanks, all of you. I learned a lot from you. If/when Twitter goes dark, I hope our paths cross again. ❤️
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General rule: people don't get to decide whether they are racist; other people decide this based on their actions
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Thinking about how a bunch of Asian American elders hit a shooter with a chair, subdued him, and hogtied him with an extension cord, while a bunch of armed police officers apparently stood outside the classroom where a shooter barricaded himself w/children and WAITED and WATCHED.
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I feel closer to an actual nervous breakdown right now re: COVID stuff than I did in April last year. Maybe it’s because we have tools to fight it and we just aren’t using them? It’s one thing to watch the world burn. It’s another to watch it burn holding a turned-off hose.
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Good morning to the woman who just walked by in a T-shirt reading “VASECTOMIES PREVENT ABORTION”
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Pretty psyched to see an Asian American woman rocking (and as an athlete, too!), being unabashedly proud of herself, and being recognized by the nation.
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I just washed a Ziploc, inverted it, and hung it on the dish rack to dry, thus completing my transformation into my mother
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Racism and misogyny are so deeply intertwined that they cannot be disentangled. We really can't talk about one without talking about the other.
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This, from an interview with autistic author Naoki Higashida in TIME, is really beautiful.
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Twitter, I am wearing a sweater that I knitted myself and I’m pretty proud of it, so I just needed to brag about it for a moment.
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Lady behind me told me I dropped my coat. Man behind me said he’d wanted to say something but was afraid—“You know, sexual harassment.” I almost said, “Yeah, if you can’t tell the difference between telling someone their coat dropped & harassment, best if you don’t say anything.”
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How lucky that the handful of white men who wrote our constitution were psychic and able to predict everything about our current time 200+ years later, and that they wrote a document so crystal clear we have never needed to discuss its interpetation or amend it in any way
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As a former debater, I think that the “debate” mentality is a huge part of the problems in our public discourse. Debate—which many aspiring lawyers do in school—teaches you to treat everything like an academic thought experiment, rather than real issues that affect actual humans.
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"Some of my favorite movies are by straight white dudes about straight white dudes. And now straight white dudes can watch movies about dudes like me, and YOU relate. It's not that hard. I've done it all my life." YES YES
@kumailn
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What I’m getting from these “just stop masking!” pieces is that deep down, some people feel so guilty about not masking that they’d like everyone to stop… so they can stop feeing guilty. 🤔
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I just saw a commercial for a service that lets men get Viagra “discreetly” by mail without ever speaking to a doctor or pharmacist, but sure, makes total sense that many women need to get birth control 1 month at a time and a pharmacist can deny it if they don’t approve.
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I just turned out these cake layers and said “Two cakes, both alike... in dignity” and my husband immediately responded “Montague and Choculet” and this is why we have been married for 15 years
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Almost 3 years ago I crocheted a friend’s baby a toy: 3 peas in a (removable) pod. They had little faces. Fast-forward to today, my friend informs me that her daughter has named one of the peas “Patrick the Pea” and he now goes everywhere with her. 🥹
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So what we're learning is, no one unravels more spectacularly than someone who's been privileged all his life (straight, white, rich, man) and suddenly faces a consequence.
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Elon Musk saying "I'll make ventilators IF there's a shortage" is like your partner looking at you holding a screaming baby, in front of a stove, with a sink full of dirty dishes, and saying "Of course I'm here to help you IF you need it" as he walks off to play video games.
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It’s weird how it’s “cancellation” when an artist’s *own trust* wants to remove racist work it’s no longer proud of.
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Having a mother is complicated and fraught. Not having a mother is complicated and fraught. Being a mother is complicated and fraught. Not being a mother is complicated and fraught. Sending love to you today, whatever your relationship with motherhood. ❤️
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Just saw the song that every depressed teenager in the 90s (including me) had on repeat… used in an animated commercial about holiday cooking… for a supermarket chain. So I think it’s time to head to bed.
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I really enjoyed Glass Onion,but one of my favorite parts (no spoilers) was the exchange: “It’s so dumb.” “It’s so dumb, it’s brilliant!” “NO! It’s JUST DUMB!”
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Every goddamn woman alive knows this happens all the time and she’s telling the truth.
Deep down, every goddamn man knows it too, because it’s either happened to a woman they know—or because they were the ones doing it.
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Here is a prayer: As you gain power, may you never forget what it’s like to not have power.
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While I was in Europe interviewers kept asking me how to define “privilege,” and I said that one way to look at it was who’s allowed to make mistakes.
Kushner makes more mistakes on financial disclosure forms after already updating them at least 40 times
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I don’t think they’re *required* to eat the donut every day, so maybe everyone can just calm the F down?
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Did I write this morning? no
But did I at least do something else useful this morning?
also no
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A small moment of niceness to start the week: I lost the part of the tape dispenser that holds the roll in place. After I explained what it looked like to the 8yo, he helped me build a replacement out of Legos!
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Cashier, ringing up the two cookies I’m buying: Ah, two lovely proper gingerbread men!
Me: Yes, they’re about to meet a grisly end.
Cashier:
Me:
Cashier:
Me: [rapidly exits shop]
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Once again: one way to think of privilege is who’s allowed to make mistakes.
Dancing FBI agent who accidentally shot man in Denver bar allowed to carry his gun again, judge rules
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"Sure, Jeffrey Dahmer ate many people, but there are also many people he didn't eat."
Asked about Trump's tendency to say things that are not true, Kellyanne Conway says the president says "many things" that are true.
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So today we learn exactly what time everyone on here first picks up their phone in the morning
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Turns out bats talk and 60% of what they say is arguments, including a whole category of calls for “males making unwanted mating advances” and another for when “a bat argues with another bat sitting too close.“
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Every time I go to see my therapist, I think about how lucky I am that I’m able to do this, and wish therapy was just provided automatically to everyone, as preventative care.
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Weird how my saying “I have concerns about the harassment some Sanders supporters have demonstrated” is interpreted as “I don’t want everyone to have health care” and “I support Biden.” (Both of which are untrue.)
This isn’t the way to build a coalition, folks.
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I feel like instead of a moment of silence when terrible things happen, we should have a moment of screaming. Mass screaming. Wherever you happen to be. So you can hear that you aren’t alone in your rage and fury and the sound will fuel us all to keep fighting.
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Husband just made fun of my breakfast pie and I think this means he loses all pie privileges and I get the rest of both pies, correct?
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Idea: A Joker origin remake in which the Joker is a woman, told one too many times by a man to smile—“Why so serious?”—who takes revenge on abusive men who have wronged her, and becomes an icon for women & queer people who’ve been oppressed by toxic masculinity.
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Guns make us SO FREE that people in Maine are still on lockdown while police hunt for a mass killer armed with an AR-15. We can’t keep living like this.
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Every time a giant inflatable thing escapes its handlers I feel such a rush of joy
Meanwhile in China...
A giant moon escaped the Moon Festival in Henan province on Monday morning.
Some natural satellites just can't be caged 🌝
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So this is uncool, but it’s totally fine for a baker to refuse to make a cake for gay people, because of personal convictions? 🤔
Last night I was told by the owner of Red Hen in Lexington, VA to leave because I work for
@POTUS
and I politely left. Her actions say far more about her than about me. I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully and will continue to do so
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Fully vaccinated as of yesterday, but still wearing a mask around people in public so my enemies won’t detect me until it’s too late.
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I know I shouldn't let it get under my skin, but it always irks me when people say "You're an author, stop being so political!" Writing, like any art, IS political. Part of my job as an author is to comment on the world I live in. If you think art can be apolitical, you're wrong.
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subtweet: I just remembered an excellent joke someone told me once. Where does a mansplainer get his water?
.
.
.
From a well... actually.
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So
@Harvard
just sent out an email that says "COVID is not going away"... and then cancelling all COVID tracing and mitigation measures university wide. Brilliant.
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A story: my mom had tuberculosis as a child, in postwar Hong Kong. TB, fyi, is serious and deadly. Her sister also had it and has long-term health issues. My mom recovered, but TB stays dormant in your system for the rest of your life. (1/X)
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In case you need a moment of levity right now: my mom & I were discussing my nephew's tutor.
8yo: What's a tutor?
Me: It's like a teacher for just one person.
8yo: Oh. [visibly disappointed] I thought it was, like, a farter.
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I'm stunned and unutterably grateful to have received a Guggenheim fellowship. And when it's on a list beside so many writers I admire, whose work has long inspired me--well. I'm speechless.
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When will my phone learn that I never, ever mean “ducking”
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Can we please stop talking about “balance” when it comes to facts? You *might* need to balance opinions. You DO NOT NEED to balance facts because… the opposite of facts is lies.
Wisconsin school board members dismissed a book on Japanese American incarceration during World War II because it created an “unbalanced” account of history, outraged parents say.
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So—no more catcalls, randos hitting on you while you’re going about your business, complete strangers commenting on your boobs online, unsolicited dick pics, gropings passed off as “But I thought you liked me!”... Frankly this sounds amazing.
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So I guess I should really just carry this around with me at all times as a reminder to myself.
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My husband once worked for a nonprofit whose whole purpose was to help people navigate the health insurance system. (This was right around the time MA started universal coverage.) The system is so Byzantine and irrational that most ordinary people CANNOT “figure it out.”
Buttigieg: “I trust you to figure out your own health care.”
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Me: What did you do at school today?
11yo: We wrote fictional stories. I wrote about a turkey and his animal friends who eat a farmer for Thanksgiving.
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This might be my favorite interaction on Twitter in ages:
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I finally watched the new Spider-Man and deeply (and unironically) enjoyed all the Spider-Men talking about their feelings and supporting one another.
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I’m getting sick of clarifying the same things, so
1. Dawn pitched this article to the NYT herself.
2. She was not part of our writing group or friend group. I met her once. Most of us didn’t know her well (if at all). I’d never heard anyone mention her name before this.
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My teenage self is YELLING—here’s the casting announcement for Mr. Richardson in the
#LittleFiresEverywhere
@hulu
adaptation! 🔥
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One last point to finish up the story: TB is still the second-biggest infectious killer in the world. What’s the MOST infectious killer?
COVID.
Which we don’t test for, don’t track, don’t contact trace, don’t mask against, and now don’t isolate for.
(8/8)
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And I feel like our situation now is some of us holding a hose and wanting to use it, while some people push us away from the fire and also spray gasoline around. While waving the flag. Oh, and while saying the kids inside the building have a right to not get wet.
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This obsession is so gross. And weird. And for some reason we also haven’t seen our current president’s tax returns or financial disclosures... 🤔
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez currently has less than $7,000 in savings, her campaign reported last week. via
@CNBCMakeIt
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Good news: It’s being adapted into a feature film—with Julia Roberts attached to play Marilyn!
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Hey, so, um, I have some news!
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1. Paul Newman.
2. Cooking breakfast.
3. For his wife.
4. In shorts.
5. And socks and loafers. 😍
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There is a man in this cafe very sweetly giving his baby a bottle, and I both (1) find it adorable and (2) am angry at myself for internalizing the patriarchy so deeply that I find the low bar of “providing basic care to offspring” adorable.
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I'm happy that the House impeached Trump but still so, so struck by the fact that 197 congresspeople said "Yeah, he encouraged an armed insurrection that literally put my life in danger, and I'm fine with that, no consequences needed."
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The time for impeachment has come, and waited for a long while, and driven around the block, and come by again, and waited some more, and gone for some coffee, and come by again, and rung the doorbell a few times, and knocked on the door, and peeked in the windows, and
SCOOP: Longtime impeachment skeptic
@SpeakerPelosi
is sounding out members on impeachment, asking if the time has come bc of the Ukraine news/controversy
BIG development.
w/
@mikedebonis
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Was walking home w/ a friend and her young daughter (also Asian), and a car was apparently annoyed that it had to wait for us to pass. Driver yelled out the window, “Shoulda run your ass over, damn Chinese-ass bitch,” and then made ching-chong noises.
I am so fucking tired.
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"Look, it's simple physics. Based on the buoyancy of the door, had Rose moved over, there's clearly space for--"
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I'm so not used to reading good news that I had to re-read this three times to make sure I understood it.
BREAKING: Supreme Court rules gay and lesbian people can sue for workplace bias under landmark civil rights law.
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I seriously could not love her more. Smart, funny, articulate, big-hearted, and using her platform to advocate for positive change. Plus, speaking with a newborn IN HER ARMS? Respect.
Chrissy Teigen at the Families Belong Together March: "I'm incredibly proud to be a daughter of an immigrant."
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This means a lot at this particular moment—not just because she bothered to notice Asian Americans (which many candidates don’t!), but because a lot of people are avoiding Chinatowns and Asian-heavy areas right now out of racist fears of coronavirus. Thank you,
@SenWarren
. ❤️
Sen. Elizabeth Warren stopped at businesses in the Chinatown section of Las Vegas.
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I just keep thinking about this moment in that video. How much that pat of solidarity on the arm probably meant to that medical worker right then.
In a moment like that, which kind of person will you be?
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Hey. Pay attention.
Hong Kong leader postpones elections, further eroding political freedoms
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On the (very small) plus side, seeing who insists on using the term “Chinese virus”—instead of the correct term, “COVID-19”—is a pretty quick way to tell who’s a racist.
It’s “COVID-19.” Stop calling it Chinese. Asians worldwide are facing actual harassment because of this.
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Please no one tell my mom about these tweets or I’ll have to answer a lot of awkward questions like “What is Twitter?” and “Who are all these people?” and “But there’s no verb in that sentence”
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Two weeks ago I hadn’t heard of The Good Place and now I’ve binge watched the entire show and am jonesing for season 3. People, don’t let me sleep on something this good next time!
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Stages of helping your parent with their technology:
1. Of course I can help you with that
2. Wait what
3. That’s not how that works
4. Let me explain again how computers don’t do that
5. You do what now?
6. Wow no
7. That’s not a thing
8. No
9. Unconditional surrender
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On the way to the gym today, I drove past an elderly lady sitting on the sidewalk. It's 40 today and it seemed like a weird place to sit. I told myself she was probably fine, but I also felt uneasy. So I went back.
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If someone’s an asshole to you, it’s your right to decide not to work w/them. Right?
If someone’s an asshole to your friend/mom/kid/neighbor, etc., it’s still your right to decide not to work w/ them. Right?
So...
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“If you don’t want your teenager reading this book, that’s your right as a mom — and good luck with that. But you don’t have the right to say nobody’s kid can read this book.” - Nora Roberts
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I feel like if you’re more offended by the term “concentration camps” than you are over the fact that people are being held inhumanely and indefinitely in camps, then you need to rethink your priorities and STFU while you’re doing it.
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@debrabronow
@CulturalSavage
Small correction—it is from the
@LittleFiresHulu
series based on my novel, but the line isn’t in the book; it was written for the show by one of the show’s talented writers,
@atticalocke
. Just want to make sure she gets all the credit!
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Somewhere at Twitter there’s some employee who has the ability to take down Trump’s account, even if they don’t have the authority, and to that person I say: now is the time to be a HERO and do the right thing.
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“Comeback.” YOU HAD A BUTTON UNDER YOUR DESK TO LOCK THE DOOR SO YOU COULD TRAP AND ASSAULT WOMEN. You don’t get to come back from that, motherfucker.
that’s the thing about the vile men outed during the
#MeToo
movement: a lot of them will eventually get their jobs back and do fine and people will move on and forget
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I keep seeing quotes about Trump talking to “Kim” and it takes a sec to figure out if it’s Kim Jong Un or Kim Kardashian and I hate this effing reality.
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If you don’t like inclusive language, think of it as being respectful. You’re using the terms the other person prefers, as you would w/ a nickname. If you still don’t like THAT—well, what you’re admitting is that you don’t respect the other person. Maybe think on that.
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I am cooking from scratch, schooling my child at home, knitting and baking and making stock. This pandemic is turning me into a pioneer.
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Raise your hand if you’ve ever been harassed in public, in full view of other people 🙋🏻
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