This week, I brought up an autism assessment with my psychiatrist for the second time. The first time, he told me I can’t be autistic because I don’t speak in a monotone voice. During this visit, he told me I can’t be autistic because I’m a good communicator.

I told him that there exists a generation of girls and women just like me who fell through the cracks— who always knew we were different, but couldn’t pinpoint how. We were dismissed as weird, anxious, rude, cold bitches. We’ve suffered in silence our whole lives.

He said a “cornerstone” of autism is the inability to communicate. He didn’t know that I’d been preparing for this for 8 months. Learning. Practicing my phrasing. Consciously unmasking my traits. I said it wasn’t a cornerstone for all autistic people, as ASD exists on a spectrum.

He asked if I was aware of my communication skills. I said yes. He kept harping on it, so I gave him some context. I began reading at age 3. I was the youngest in my school’s history to be in the gifted program. I’ve spent years in therapy as an adult working on my communication.

He responded by saying “maybe it’s narcissism. Maybe you’re a narcissist.” He said this after I’d told him about my 11 years of narcissistic abuse. After I’d told him about autistic masking. After telling him how often girls + women go undiagnosed. And that was his response.

I said “I’m giving you information to help you help me. Women are allowed to be confident in their abilities. We don’t have to go through life hating ourselves for existing.” He said “you’re bragging about your IQ and how you’re smarter than everyone else.” I was stunned.

I provided him pertinent contextual information and he called it bragging. I asked him if he was aware of the updated guidelines for ASD that were published in March’s update of the DSM-5. He said “listen… I don’t think you have autism.” I replied “so that’s a no.”

This, among others is a reason why autistic people are at a higher risk of suicide. The misogyny in the mental health field is insurmountable. His interests weren’t in helping me find answers— it was in compensating for his baldness and Napoleon complex by being argumentative.

He’s been reported. I’ve requested, in writing, both his differential diagnosis and his refusal of treatment. I’m keeping the audio file for my records. I asked to be referred to someone else. This is the last time I’ll let some grossly misinformed bald man give me health advice.

I was expecting maybe 10 people to see this. Not a quarter million. I’m overwhelmed by the support and stories of similar experiences. Thanks to everyone for your immense kindness and well wishes. My autism has been in hiding for 29 years. I am nothing if not resilient.

An important note: it’s been brought to my intention that I unintentionally used ableist language in one of my tweets. When I referred to my history of abuse, I referred to it as narcissistic abuse, as a way to paraphrase my tweet. I sincerely apologize for offending. 1/2

NPD is a serious disorder and I do not take it lightly. I could have phrased my thought more appropriately, and I should have. Thanks to those who informed me. I will do better. 2/2

Update 2: I woke up to hundreds of new followers and over 800k views on my ramblings into the void. I truly did not expect this to happen at all. I am immensely thankful for the discussions that’ve been forged from this. 1/

Also, some have mentioned my use of the word “bald” to twice describe my (former) psychiatrist. He is, but that doesn’t correlate with his horrible qualities as a human. It was a petty jab that I screamed into the void. If you are bald and not him— I sincerely apologize. 2/2

Update 3: my feature in GLAMOUR UK (!!!) about my experience ⬇️

@pot8um YES. THIS IS THE MOVE

@pot8um GOOD FOR YOU!!!

@pot8um Why are you consulting a professional if you’re convinced you know better?

@pot8um Yay!! Good for you

@pot8um Patients should always record and make it harder for an ignorant or malicious doctor to be inappropriate.

@pot8um I disagree, sounds to me you were gaslighting and being manipulative. Contesting his diag, recording him : i think your problems wont be solved by the diag you want so bad...