10 months ago I had 800 followers. Today I have 800 followers. Here are 11.5 tips to not grow a small account:

1. Tweet irregularly. I find inconsistency is the key.

2. Be funny, but not too funny. Write for a specific audience. Say, an 800 person audience.

3. Make threads Threads, like froot by the foot, are super fun to unroll. The best threads use icons. 😜😜

11. Skip ahead to the end Narratives are overrated. Some times you can skip a few steps.

12. Half-commit If a joke is only sort of working, don't be afraid to give up, you don't have to see

Dang it, @iamsophiegray put me over to 801

now that i'm over 1k followers a lot of people ask me all the time in fact can we get an e-book? yes, yes you can

Now that I'm over 2k I have to make this legit Please visit me at (I may not have thought this strategy through)

Now at 4k, in full blown service recovery mode

@paul_griffiths Can we hear more about these underwater chess championships tho?

@BenjaminWFox Absolutely. Here is a recent match in London:

so... some people from the Ukraine started following me? 👀 i am sorry to disappoint you that's problem my one kyiv-oriented reference of the year (well after this one)

@paul_griffiths Shh, no one talks about that championship. It's held underwater for a reason.

@Tyrrrz well played

@paul_griffiths Hey, it would be nice if Ukraine wasn't the butt of so many jokes. 2 million people have been displaced and 17,000 killed in the last 7 years. It's not a good look to do "fill in the blank with obscure-to-me country here." #RussiaInvadedUkraine

@JulianHayda not a butt of the joke, not entirely obscure to me peace and love to you

@paul_griffiths Who won this years underwater Ukranian chess championships, I missed your tweet again

@DrOffShirt dunno number 2 is strangely in the lead