A few links to places where my book is available for pre-order...
@Waterstones
:
@Foyles
:
Amazon:
If you prefer to shop local, you can find your nearest independent bookshop here:
3rd Christmas without her. She loved this time of year and really knew how to do it well. Still hard to not turn around and see that smile but damn, I was lucky to have her at all. Treasure what you have people. Count your blessings. Love each other. 💜
Nearly 5 months gone. Didn’t think I had any more heart left to break but it turns out I was wrong. So beautiful and talented.
#Sepsis
sucks.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
The pull to share everything is so strong. I constantly think “she’ll love this” or “can’t wait to tell her about that”. It’s true - she is always with me. Even though thanks to
#Sepsis
she isn’t.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
What’s always so amazing is how suddenly your feelings can change - and change back again. Grief is an unpredictable companion. Getting used to it though. Friends are amazing and an absolute lifeline. Be open with everyone
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#sepsissucks
#copingwithgrief
It seemed like flu but then it all happened so fast. If you have ANY suspicion at all, ask to be checked for Sepsis. 5 months on its still hard to believe she’s gone. Love persists though.
@UKSepsisTrust
@SepsisUK
#widowerlife
At the risk of letting her steal my thunder somewhat - my 11 year old daughter painted this portrait of playwright R.C.Sheriff as part of her school WW1 project today. I am rather impressed and more than a little proud.
#widowerlife
#prouddad
It’s been a positive day and amazing year really, but as Ben said to me this morning, “Wouldn’t it be good if there was a green Chinese dragon that granted wishes and we could ask for mum to come back?”
Yes Ben. Yes it would.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
It may be a small thing but it means a lot. And it’s positive. She would totally get it. I feel like I have emerged from a tunnel. And she is encouraging me to move on.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#loveneverdies
#always
16 years ago today I married my best friend. Best day ever. We got to celebrate the anniversary together 13 times. Hold on tight to those you love - never take a moment for granted. Love is everything. Xx
#sepsissucks
@UKSepsisTrust
#findingjoy
Many of you may remember my daughters WW1 painting. Well, not only was she one of the winners but her picture was chosen to be the cover of the book! Such a special achievement and what a day to remember.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#prouddad
A huge thank you to everyone who follows these musings on life. It means a great deal to me and has helped me through the tough times. From us three to all of you, a very happy new year.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#theroadgoeseveronandon
A long chat tonight about Mummy, with tears and memories as the dam broke. Christmas brought it home to her. It was lovely to talk about it so deeply at last. And during it, said by her to lighten the moment, this gem...
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#talkingaboutgrief
She was 2 years younger than my mum. They both got married the same year. Mum died 30 years ago next month. This has made me think about her a lot tonight… feeling quite reflective. ❤️
#doodleaday
On this day we decided to celebrate the wonderful mother they had, so we visited her tree and left bio-degradable offerings: messages for the incredible woman who meant so much to us all, written on leaves and flowers from our garden that she loved so much.
#widowerlife
I remember every detail of that day as if it were yesterday. And I remembered it today with a smile and with thanks that the universe saw fit to grant me the time we had together. I miss her SO much but I was lucky I had her at all. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#love4ever
You just never know which way the emotions are going to go at moments like this. Now my daughter has the scarf in her wardrobe. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
I love that I can think about you now and mostly smile rather than cry. The void that is left by your absence is huge but filled by so much goodness and positive energy. Your life was way too short but your influence lives on. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#sepsissucks
Hold on tight to what you love. It’s so precious. Never take for granted the joy around you. A huge ‘virtual hug’ to all my amazing followers who have supported me through the tough times. It’s greatly appreciated.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#sepsissucks
Beautiful conversation on a delayed plane with my amazing daughter. Said without regret or sentiment. But with genuine deep honesty. I am in awe of her.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#fatheranddaughter
💜
2018 has been a year of huge change in our lives. As it draws to a close I want to thank everyone who has helped and supported and believed in us as we adjusted to our ‘new normal’. Old friends, new friends, ‘virtual’ friends. You have all been amazing.
#doodleaday
Just a passing comment at our bedtime cuddle - casually thrown away - but it really resonated with me. It just meant so much that he could say that. On a day that celebrates love, it seemed appropriate. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#loveiseverything
So we are spending Christmas in France with Joy’s sister. There is a beautiful tree here planted with some of her ashes. I was sitting beside it today and looked down. All around it the ground is covered in clover - and on the clover: little purple hearts. 💜Joy’ symbol.
It’s amazing how strong the memory persists... even though consciously I know she’s not going to walk in there IS that split second when the fleeting thought flashes through my mind.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#findingjoy
Just a little greeting to you all. Thank you for following my Doodles etc. Wishing you all the blessings of the season. May your 2019 be full of love and peace (and fun!)
Another normal evening. Hard to believe a year ago tonight I was flying home to be greeted with the worst news of my life. There is a huge hole in our lives but Joy’s memory inspires me every day to be the best I can for our family. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
What can I say? Overwhelmed by the lovely comments on last nights post. The community may be virtual but it’s no less real for that.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
I’m luckier than many - already working from home so no huge change - apart from the isolation - just me and the kids. I’d give anything to hold you again right now - hear you tell me I’m doing ok. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
Rather symbolic as I start year 2 of
#widowerlife
with a training run for something I never thought I would ever attempt. Also, it felt ok... and so does year 2... the wheel turns. Learning to meet new challengeshead on.
#doodleaday
Blimey! Book 10... my grateful thanks to all you lovely followers. I will carry on doodling about coping with grief, solo parenting, funny kid stuff and all my other bits and bobs, as well as raising awareness about
#Sepsis
for as long as I can hold a pen. Xx
After feeling crap for days and really finding myself at a low ebb, this conversation with Lily just blew me away and bounced me right back on top again. Oh my heart. X💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#luckyman
#prouddad
The love can hit you as randomly and as strongly as the grief. Both powerful, linked emotions that combine to make my life what it is today. Today is a good day. X
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#loveandgrief
In the past, I have been cynical about Father’s Day but the last couple of years it has come to mean so much. Another day to reflect on this unexpected life. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#beingadad
At this point in the grief journey, when all the big hurdles have been passed, it’s the small things that really resonate. The tears were not sobs of loss but more a bittersweet sadness at what you are missing. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#lifegoeson
After 17 months, it still happens: that fleeting moment when you forget and the world is as it was. Then you remember and for a second it feels even emptier than usual, before equilibrium returns once more.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#loveneverdies
One of those weird, unpredictable days where it’s hard to shake off the gloom. They happen. No logic. And then they go away. The new normal.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
Rather moving experience - being recognised from the doodles. Such a lovely chat that made me realise even more just what these scribbles of mine (that I do mainly to process my experiences and record my journey) can mean to other people. Thank you all.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
Quite a day. Was dreading it but actually it has been so positive. Will never, ever, take for granted just how lucky I was and still am. Kindness. That’s what it’s all about. Look back with love, forward with hope💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#KindnessMatters
Been talking a lot about grief today with several different people at various stages and it got me pondering our ever changing relationship with it.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#grief
Intellectually and rationally I’m fine with it. It’s all about life going on. But deep down, in my heart it sucks. My emotions are so raw right now - both happy and sad. This is not a cry for help - just an observation. “the road goes ever on and on...”
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
I am grateful that this has become a place of peace and comfort, not sadness. It’s a really beautiful spot that many of her friends come to as well to feel close to her again. And we really do. It’s so evocative of her.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#loveneverdies
14 years ago today this happened. Still can’t quite believe I was so lucky. Strong, beautiful, talented, funny - she was the whole package. I miss her more than I can say and am so grateful for every single second we had.
#Sepsis
sucks. Cherish those you love, people. 💜
Not only does she look more like her but she shares so many interests. It is incredibly moving watching her grow and become a young woman that I know Joy would have adored. It could make me sad but I choose delight instead. Delight to share her life.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
Such complex emotions as I look at the photos - you feel so close and yet so far away. My head has it all sorted but my heart is taking a while to catch up... meanwhile I smile a wistful smile. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
It’s not a painful form of grief - just the dull undercurrent that is a constant companion. You get used to it. A different way of feeling. There is still so much pleasure to be had, so much to delight on. Just wish I could share it with her still... 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
I have been imagining how Joy would have been today - her eyes full of tears of pride (she did like a good cry!). Although I miss her terribly, I know her so well it’s almost as if she was here. It’s comforting
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#loveneverdies
#sepsissucks
Several conversations recently with friends and we all say that same. It’s STILL so hard to believe you won’t walk back through that door any moment. Your imprint on all our lives is so strong. What a legacy of love you left. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#loveneverdies
Not feeling sorry for myself or anything. It just dawned on me last night... we humans are funny old creatures of habit, aren’t we?
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
This is why I had the summerhouse built - to force me to unwind. Everyone tells me not to forget to look after ME. Well, I have taken the advice folks. Thank you for caring. X
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#metime
#relaxation
5 years of
#doodleaday
. 3.5 years of
#widowerlife
. Documenting the journey has been enlightening and cathartic. Thank you everyone for your support and love thus far. The journey continues, ever changing, with its highs and lows. I hope you continue to accompany me.
#FindingJoy
Was talking about grief today in an interview and thought it timely to post a little update as to where I’m at. I like to think the grief informs my life but doesn’t define it. An unwelcome but familiar companion.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#griefistheleftoverlove
This is one of the most important nights of the year to me as we light a candle to honour those who have passed over to the Summerlands. Our loved ones and the ancestors. Recent and long passed. We are the sum of their lives.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
Even the most together of us in the widow club can have our moments. It wasn’t a painful grief day (no tears), more a low level, background radiation of bewilderment - much head-shaking and frowning. Your head knows the truth but your heart won’t join in.
#doodleaday
That rollercoaster keeps right on. The emotions whirl and take turns. Days like this are good days and are becoming more common. I know the darker ones will surface from time to time but these days make them easier to bear. 💜
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#thatsmile
I was so moved by this today. The total buzz he was getting really made me step back and examine just how lucky I am and the responsibility I have to pass on whatever knowledge I can to the next generation.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#artistlife
#passiton
It’s on days like this that the house feels very empty... sorry: feeling a bit sorry for myself. Normal service will be restored as soon as possible!
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#needaholiday
Rather poignant exchange with Lily tonight whilst preparing dinner. It’s the small, everyday things that continue to resonate. It was rather lovely we could share these feelings. As she grows up, we are talking more and more about it. What a privilege.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
The wheel turns. In the northern hemisphere the shortest day passes - the light starts to return. I wish you all peace and happiness as the year draws to a close. Let’s spread kindness in 2020.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
#wheeloftheyear
Happy
#FathersDay
to you all. Thanks to everyone who follows the doodles. Your lovely comments are a wonderful source of strength for me and theses two little pickles. 💜
#widowerlife
#faithinhumanity
Poor Lily. So many changes happening in her life. There used to be 3 ‘boys’ and 3 ‘girls’. Now she is outnumbered. I expect so much of her - but I need to remember she’s still young, despite being so grown up. Always new lessons to learn...
#doodleaday
#widowerlife
A lovely afternoon with friends blew the gloom away but I promised myself these posts would always be honest - and this was something worth recording. Even the most positive of us have our down moments sometimes.
#doodleaday
#widowerlife