The Annasthesiologist
@fuzzymittens
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Tweets are my own, frequently profane. "Mom of Anesthesia ." Being horrible to people is never a virtue.
Probably the hospital
Joined June 2008
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It has come to my attention that some racist people are big mad that a Hollywood has once again gone woke by introducing a Latino actor to the Addams Family series. To play Gomez Addams. GOMEZ.
Gomez.
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You can lie to your parents. You can lie to your boss. You can even lie to yourself.
But never, ever lie to your anesthesiologist.
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I used to go to this amazing restaurant where there were only two choices every day and no menus or prices. I usually paid about $8 for lunch.
And then I took a family member who acted like a complete asshole and they charged us $60.
More things should be priced like this.
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Sooooooo I went home and spent about 6 hours reverse engineering the recipe, which I then started giving out as Christmas gifts with the recipe attached. 3/3
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What's the pettiest thing you have ever done? I'll start.
Friend of a friend would bring a specific snack to every event/gathering/whatever. She would make a MASSIVE deal about how this was her SIGNATURE recipe & she would NEVER share it, regardless of whether anyone asked. 1/
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So new med student is a) being super high-handed with the nurses, and b) believes I am a nurse. This really poses a dilemma of how I am going to break the news to her in a way that is both instructive and helpful but also entertaining for me.
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Had a med school friend who was super obnoxious about momming better than the rest of us because she made all her own baby food. But she used mainly carrots and sweet potatoes and ended up turning her baby Oompa Loompa orange.
It has been years and it never stops being funny.
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Am I the only one who thinks that "well did they have any comorbidities," is starting to sound a lot like, "but what was she wearing?"
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It's technically true that 5000 pounds of fentanyl could kill 5,000,000 people, in roughly the same way that Lake Superior could drown the entire population of Earth. Like yes, but that requires some VERY specific circumstances. It's not, like, coming to get you.
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I love that the responses to this thread essentially range from giving someone their non-preferred brand of soda to pretty much chopping up their parents for chili Eric Cartman style.
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So Texas just passed a law making it illegal to mandate water breaks for outdoor workers. They had 279 heat related deaths in 2022.
What is WRONG with people??
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TBF, it WAS really tasty and everyone liked it, but on repetition number 20, it got really, really annoying. And then one day, she got SUPER shitty at me about how she felt bad for men with wives with busy careers, since obviously they couldn't be "well taken care of." 2/
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Please do not put your mouth on wild animals.
Two nights ago I gave a wild baby rabbit CPR w breaths after I took it from my Petey (cat). Today, I’m being admitted to the hospital with signs of “bunny fever” (Tularemia). I’m on 8L oxygen, a cocktail of very expensive antibiotics, anti-diuretics. Need light & love, please!
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Dear Lord, if you could bless me in this particular way, I promise that I would never disrespect this gift by not shutting TF up about it on the internet. Amen.
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Reader, she actually snapped her fingers at me and said, "Ashley, is it?"
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Getting rid of EMTALA, which the Supreme Court seems poised to do, means that if you show up to an ER bleeding to death from a car accident, the hospital can decide if you look rich enough to save.
Pretty neat.
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No self-respecting gay couple would ever ask your dowdy ass to design a damn thing.
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My husband just sat down and started to play the piano.
I legitimately had no idea that he played the piano. None.
This is absolutely the most successful long-con prank I have ever seen.
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You're welcome to not get transfusions if you wish.
I'm trying to save your life, not be your blood sommelier.
@C19VaxInjured
I’ve had 3 blood transfusions and I agree- people need to be informed of where the blood is coming from.
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Could anyone please explain to me how a c-section could possibly NOT be major surgery?
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Maybe we shouldn't ask nurses to go to units they don't work in to pick up a medication that they are not familiar with to dose a patient that they don't know in a remote location that they also don't work in.
Just spitballing here.
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Patient just referred to the organ she was getting as a "certified preowned" and I'm never in my life going to make a transplant joke as funny as that.
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New theory: Charles is dying, Will's going to ascend & needs to divorce Kate because he won't be able to do it afterwards, Kate is demanding conditions, Obama is the negotiator for the release of the hostages,& Camila leaks the information to the press because chaos is her god.
Nueva teoría: Charles está muriendo, Willis va a ascender y necesita divorciarse de Kate porque ya coronado no podrá hacerlo, Kate está exigiendo condiciones, Obama es el negociador para la liberación de los rehenes y Camila filtra la info a la prensa porque su Dios es el caos.
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The overlap between people who refer to wearing masks as "living in fear" and people who have literal home arsenals is mind boggling.
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What if....what if it's just normal to have periods of productivity and also days where you just don't get much done and there's actually nothing wrong with that
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Sir, please do not ask me which antibiotic has better bacteriostatic vs bacteriocidal activity. I replaced that knowledge with Hamilton lyrics years ago.
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I keep hearing about dogs who can alert their owners about low blood sugar, imminent seizures, etc.
My dog walks into his crate and then cries because he doesn’t understand that he can just walk back out.
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I like to imagine Charles backseat-monarching his mother for 73 years thinking about how much better HE will be at the job, only to have the wheels completely fall off with absolutely no provocation the second he takes the helm.
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Well I got the itemized bill for kid’s cochlear implant and they charged us for 62 vials of propofol.
Um.
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I was gonna roll my eyes about how ohhhhh yes I hate this so much, but then I learned that this woman was 23 when she got together with this kid who was 15 at the time, and it turns out that I DO hate this so much.
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Breaking: Independent vaccine research grinds to a halt as Facebook remains offline.
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This idea that people should be compelled to work under unacceptable conditions because they are "vital to the economy" -- rather than improving their working conditions -- is mind blowing, and everyone in the medical field should think about the implications.
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I am against criticizing women based on things like their voices but I am also against women using pouty baby voice in the service of horseshit, so you can imagine that I am really torn today.
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Muting this as I really don't have the energy for the well-actually people
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My husband just referred to me as his “current wife” so I guess it’s time to delete facebook and hit the gym.
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My husband and I have this sweet little tradition when I'm on call. He texts me something vague but mildly alarming, and then I immediately text back, and then he apparently throws his phone in a goddamn river or something.
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One day after we got engaged, my (now) husband and I were running some errands when I said, "Want to just get married right now?" And so we did.
11/10 would absolutely recommend.
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Blaming medical errors on a single person is literally one of the laziest, most arrogant, most ignorant, and most dangerous things I can think of.
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When we were dating, my husband broke up with me in New Orleans. I got onto a plane, looking pretty rough, and sat next to a woman who went by Duchess.
D: What's the matter, baby? Is it a man?
Me: Yeah.
D: Baby, it's not worth it. Get a new one. They make 'em every day.
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@_celia_bedelia_
I even think it's totally reasonable to say, "I'm not going to date someone who is in a profession that I am not comfortable with." But then you just...don't. You don't get into a relationship and then send them a shitty manipulative text about how they need to change.
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Hands up if you are a health care worker who has ever got an IV or given yourself a med at work so that you could keep working when you absolutely should not have been working.
It counts if you had one of your partners do it for you.
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When the kids were toddlers I asked the grandparents not to give them soda (don’t ask) or fast food. All was well until we drove past a McDs and my 3yo said, “Can we go to the french fry place? Gramma loooooooves the french fry place. And they have coke!”
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As a med student, I had a patient with severe dementia who was never oriented to time, place, or situation, but WAS able to get it together every day to tell me whether my hair looked better or worse than the day before.
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So one time I got called to help with a failed intubation, got the tube in, and the guy who had called me goes, “You must be a weaker airway person than me, since you obviously know what to do when you can’t get it.”
Sir actually I know what to do when YOU can’t get it.
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Got written up for refusing to do something to a patient that was profoundly unethical.
You know, feeling pretty good about that. 🤷♀️
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My husband and I like different coffee strengths so I am secretly incrementally titrating his until he gets to the correct strength.
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Ah yes, the well-known pregnancy side effect of looking your very best.
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Hi, if every doc in the US took a 50% pay cut, it would save the healthcare system less than 5%. And I promise you that the insurance companies would not be cheerfully passing that savings on to patients.
More bullshit insurance industry propaganda.
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Been waiting 10 minutes for a "pharmacist consult" for a prescription that I have been on for literally 25 years and also I am an MD could I please just have my retin-A Jesus Christ
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LOL this is not why your wife had an Asian baby
Took the vaccine, have no Asian relatives in your family tree and you and your husband give birth to an Asian baby? It's because the vaccine they injected into your body contains the DNA from those baby parts they used so whatever nationality that particular baby was, DNA has…
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Please, please, please stop telling patients that their back issues after childbirth were caused by their epidural with absolutely zero evidence that that was the case.
Please.
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You'd be surprised at how often a stern mom voice will make an altered patient settle down. That shit is hardwired.
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Alicia here is so confident and I lie awake at night worried that I didn't put the laundry on the right settings.
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Dear people prescribing post-op pain meds,
When nerve blocks wear off, patients need an adequate and thought-out pain management plan. Please stop telling them that it's "rebound pain" to excuse a lack of planning.
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I'm out of town and my 13yo (the history one) just texted me demanding to know IMMEDIATELY just why in the hell we invaded Iraq after 9/11.
Seriously parenting is hilarious and amazing.
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So you know that thing where you realize there is a pair of underwear wadded up in your pant leg? Yeah, so like that, except these are hospital scrubs and these are not my underwear.
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Sir. I'm not touchy about you forgetting my name. But repeatedly screaming at me, "WHERE'S ANESTHESIA" while I am actively managing a rapid response in preop is certainly a mood.
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I would like to personally extend my overwhelming gratitude to JCAHO for preparing all of the hospitals for a massive event like a pandemic. Their contributions in removing suction canisters and not letting nurses drink water will save countless lives during these dark times.
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If you tell a crying, laboring mama that you're "disappointed that she's not prioritizing her baby," by asking for pain control, please remember that you are not my patient and I have no obligation to be nice to you.
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I know it's a cliche, but if an elderly farmer tells you that an injury hurts, you should probably sit down before you look at it.
If it's a woman farmer maybe have a glass of water and a few deep breaths first.
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Once again going on record saying that it is fundamentally insane and destructive that we have set a cultural expectation of people spending mid-five figures on weddings.
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It’s wild that we have this entire insurance industry that says, “pay us money every month, and then if you need our services, we’ll decide if we feel like providing those services or not,” AND WE DO IT.
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Eliminating patient satisfaction surveys would be a very simple way to reduce burn out with literally no downside.
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Do NOT spend three months' salary on an engagement ring good god you people
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In med school we had the one (1) lecture on female sexuality, and the lecturer said that a) female orgasms are super complicated and b) weren't that important to women anyway. I objected and I was told that I was probably different due ⬆️ testosterone levels in successful women.
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Seeing a dude on another platform argue that labor is just a woman waiting around until the baby comes out and I just
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Maybe if hospitals would like to run all night they shouldn't shut down all of their staff services at 4pm I'm just saying.
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The Texas Medical Center is the largest medical center in the world, receives 160,000 visitors each day. That’s more than three times the population of Galveston.
And it’s at 97% ICU capacity.
Please take this seriously.
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That is not to say that fentanyl contamination of street drugs is not a huge, tragic problem. It is. And it needs to be addressed. But the fentanyl hysteria IMPEDES efforts to solve this issue. Quit with the boogeyman nonsense.
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Dear parents, it is 100% reasonable to say no to a $500 prom dress.
how much did you all pay for your prom dresses bc this is just not what i paid…..
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I feel awful for Elizabeth Holmes’ children just as I feel awful for all of the millions of children who are separated from their parents due to incarceration.
However, to knowingly get pregnant twice while on trial and then demand pity on those grounds is manipulative as hell.
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Pro tip: if you're going in for surgery, clean out your belly button. I mean get some q-tips and really dig in there. Your OR nurses will thank you.
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Hey, insurance premiums are not driven by doctor pay. They are driven by insurance company greed.
Pass it on.
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Stop giving people over 30 a hard time about using gifs. Otherwise we only know how to express our feelings in 5 paragraph essay form.
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No I cannot guarantee that your blood transfusion came from an unvaccinated person god almighty
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This is why you should never do an echo.
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Full disclosure, I have student debt, but none of it would be discharged under any federal plan. Even though it would be oh-so-unfair-to-me, I would still like to see other people get out from crushing debt.
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After literally years of fighting with insurance to get my deaf kid a cochlear implant, we finally got it covered, and it STILL is costing us a little under $10k.
Our system is broken.
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So the bill for kid's cochlear is going to be $75,000. Out of pocket. Which I would probably have handy if I hadn't been paying thousands in premiums every month to insurance companies that are paying ::checks notes:: zero.
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Doctors: Patient is noncompliant ugh these people are so irresponsible with their health
Also doctors: I don't need to see a GP I'll just give myself a cortisone shot and take this azithromycin from my closet that expired in 1997.
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One fun thing about having a kid with a cochlear implant is that, due to the strong magnet, the kid occasionally functions as an inadvertent stud finder. Which he finds hilarious.
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Non-HCWs, here's why we hate patient satisfaction scores:
1) They generally have sweet fuck-all to do with actual quality of care;
2) They are very poorly designed - I get dinged if patients aren't presented with many "options" -- it's a liver transplant, I don't have options;
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Is giving horrific "holistic" advice on Twitter the modern version of tampering with baby Tylenol? Are the actually trying to kill babies?
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Hello, there is absolutely no reason why you, a random man on social media, needs to have or share any opinion whatsoever on whether girls should use tampons.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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Got a negative survey from a patient who was mad that she didn't remember her intra-abdominal surgery.
Ma'am that is a feature not a bug
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Maybe we could all just agree that pharmacists are good and important and have hard jobs AND doctors are good and important and have hard jobs AND nurses are good and important and have hard jobs AND APPs are good and important and have hard jobs AND...
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👏Don't👏call👏out👏sats👏when👏someone👏is👏intubating.👏
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Something must be done to stop Figs before it's too late.
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STOP BEING JERKS RE: INTERNS. They’re exceptional people w/ -8- years of post-secondary education including multiple years of clinical experience.
The dumb July jokes are tired, nasty, & undermine these people who have sacrificed their twenties to care for people.
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