‘They showed that if we stand together in solidarity, we can change the world…’ RS

thinking about the time i showed my hairdresser the haircut i want and he said "derek, that's the same haircut i give you, that guy is just better looking"

@John1989 @GlastoScience @glastonbury @ShangrilaGlasto I'm not going to be able to see where I'm going, nevermind the planets

🎉 JOIN US AT GLASTONBURY FESTIVAL 🎉 We're giving away 1 pair of @Glastonbury tickets to ONE lucky winner ⁠💚 It's easy to enter👇⁠ ❤️ 🔁 Like & Retweet ✔️ Follow @GreenpeaceUK Terms apply 👉 https://t.co/VHjT72E3vD Ends 23:59 on 12.06.22

🎉 GIVEAWAY TIME - GLASTONBURY FESTIVAL 🎉 Last chance to #win tickets! We're giving away 1 pair of @Glastonbury tickets to ONE lucky winner🍻⁠ It's easy to enter👇⁠ ❤️ 🔁 Like & Retweet ✔️ Follow @BrothersCider Terms apply 👉 https://t.co/H2gbWFLGHY Ends 23:59 on 29.05.22

Exciting news/small trumpet sound: the proofs are in of my new book, The Sanctuary! They look absolutely gorgeous - and anyone who RTs *this very tweet* before midnight on Sunday, you can win a free copy of the book months before everyone else!

Fascinating how anti-maskers are the same people who deny and ridicule actual oppression suffered by minorities, but portray wearing a flap of fabric in a supermarket as Nazi-style persecution

When we were house-hunting, my wife found her dream house. I managed to talk her out of moving there because of "structural issues affecting properties of that era." It was actually because I didn't like the look of the local pub and it had some shitty reviews on Tripadvisor.

RETWEET FOR A CHANCE TO WIN 🎂 Happy 1st Birthday to #TimsTwitterListeningParty Let's celebrate this amazing achievement by giving away a Rega Planar 1 Plus turntable (worth £345). Winner picked at random 11am GMT Tuesday 23rd March. Open to everyone around the world! #rega #win

The Queen doing her soundcheck: One, one. One, one. One…

On the subject of haikus, the poet John Cooper Clarke is reported to have said: To convey one’s mood in seventeen syllables is very diffic.

Thinking about Aleister Crowly who was a crow that visited the balcony of my friends flat around 2012. They fed him a teabag, and he kept returning for teabags daily until he eventually became violent and would try and smash the screen door for more teabags

Chickens (various)

The absolute gall of a Prime Minister whining about earning £150,000 whilst his government acts like asylum seekers are spongers coming here for that sweet high life of £40 a week

.@barbaracreecy, South Africa’s ANC environment minister, has announced that trophy hunters will be allowed to kill 11 highly endangered leopards & 50 elephants. It’s not known how many leopards are left in SA, but it’s not many. Conservationists say her decision beggars belief.

I mean, it's just statistically surprising, isn't it. It's like a huge chunk of the ruling party also being pro tiddlywinks players. You'd think something was up.

Just once in a while, I do think it would be *nice* to be governed by people who didn't know quite so much about shooting grouse