Signing back onto Twitter always feels like Return to Oz where Dorothy comes back to find the Emerald City in ruins and all of her friends turned to stone.

I'm seeing a lot of Miep Gies content in my Insta feed, as if the algorithm knows me too well and is like, "Well, we know what this guy would do." Miep Gies was a badass and a hero, and I would absolutely do what she did. I don't want it to come to that, but I will if I have to.

Everyone online trying to protect TikTok

I'm all for letting kids read what they want to read with proper parental guidance. I read Wicked when I was 12 and turned out all right. But please don't try to convince me Wicked is a children's book.

I'm breaking my Twitter hiatus to subtweet about an interaction I'm having on Threads, because someone is actually trying to convince me that "Wicked is no less appropriate for children than Harry Potter" and ma'am that is objectively not true.

When you spent $900 on room service but all your bought the homeless lady was a shitty Christmas ornament

I bet millennials could pull off killing Thanksgiving if we really wanted to.

If you’re in the U.S., I hope nobody is expecting anything of you this week. They can circle back in January.

Some of you never had an obnoxious animated paperclip give you terrible feedback on your writing and it shows.

While I'm breaking my Twitter hiatus, I also want to remind everyone that being the world's richest man when people are dying in poverty is an act of violence.

I'm breaking my Twitter hiatus to remind everyone that the world's richest man is threatening to fund primary challenges against any politicians who want to ensure checks and balances on presidential power. That's not normal. That's not okay. Have a great weekend.

Dude, same 👇🏼.

Hey @Kohls if your Christmas website copy says "Falalala," please know that all my fatass is seeing is "falafel"

Ugh why is everything in the news so bad?

Normalize telling people, “You’re kinda giving Moo Deng right now” and refusing to elaborate.

Lulu Garcia-Navarro really said, “Little boy, don’t you pull that bullshit with me.”.

RT @RunTriMag: 10 years between marathon training cycles. What could be different? What could be the same?. Find out in this feature, writt….

Imagine thinking Facebook is a right but health care isn’t.

In a world full of Donalds and Ronalds, be a Jimmy

Nelly Dean just waiting to spill all the tea the moment Lockwood is like, “What’s up with that Wuthering Heights place?”