We met in 5th grade. We'd been friends since. In high school, I moved away, and we were so close that our families discussed actually letting me stay and live with her fam so I could finish high school. We both went to college in Atlanta.

I LOVED her to death. She got pregnant the year after college graduation, and I planned her baby shower from London, calling in favors and even having my mother drive in-state to cook and help since I could not afford to fly back for it.

I am her son's godmother. I routinely flew back to Atlanta (while broke and in school) just to spend time with my godson and with her. She called me the week that she was getting married (it was a last min wedding) and asked me to come be her maid of honor. And I didn't hesitate.

Now, to add color to this - I was going through the worst break up of my life (at the time). My ex and I lived together, were under contract to buy a house together, and were planning to get married - when I found out he was lying about his life and money and was an alcoholic.

I had to put him out the house and come up with his portion of the money to buy the house, or I would forfeit the earnest money that I had already paid - which was more than $30k. I was SO stressed out, just a crying wreck all the time. I still came to her wedding for her.

A week after the wedding, about 2 weeks before my house closing, she calls me crying and asking for money. She said she was facing eviction (which she never told me before even though I'm a lawyer and could have helped). She told me she would pay me back within 3 days.

I told her I HAD to get my money back to close on my house because everything was falling on me alone now. She told me she took a 401k drawdown and it was on the way. I gave her the money (a few thousand dollars) because I couldn't bear to think of my godson on the streets.

That was the last time I had a real conversation with my best friend. She stopped answering calls after that. Her husband paid me back part of the money, the rest is still owed today. That was in 2018. In 2020, she texted me an apology. In 2021, I saw her for about 30 min.

That was it. That was the end of my friendship with my best friend of 20 years. Me loaning her much-needed money that I really didn't have because I loved her and her son, and her subsequently ghosting me so as to not pay me back. It hurt so bad at the time.

Honestly, the breakup of my relationship paled in comparison. I had been with him 2 years. I had been with her for life. I couldn't BELIEVE she would do that to me, and just cut me out like that. The money was one thing, but the ghosting. Whew. I spent TIME in therapy on this.

I felt for years like I could never trust anyone again. No one had my back. The only people I should ever deal with had to be related to me, and even still. I was a paranoid and depressed wreck.

I also battled that natural inclination I have to help people because I viewed people as fundamentally bad, takers, who would never do for me in return (which, tbf, many people are). Like...this friendship breakup had my mind WARPED. I hate thinking of it till today.

And as I think about all the bad things people have done to me in my life, that one hurts the worst, still. My mother has always encouraged me to forgive her and think of her point of view (likely embarrassment at not being able to pay me back). I try. Truly.

I think I've mostly gotten to a place of forgiveness. Her father passed away last year, and I called her to check on her multiple times and also contributed to the go-fund-me for his funeral expenses. I genuinely felt for her.

But I do still mourn that closeness we had, or that I thought we had. That lifelong friendship that I assumed would be there. And the person that I was who just gave and trusted and loved and wasn't so damn jaded before that period in my life.

I will say that since then, "no" has become deeply embedded in my DNA. And I say it frequently. I'm sure that lesson had saved me from other, potentially harder ones. But yea, moral of the story is, those friendship breakups can be worse than romantic ones.

I highly recommend therapy and grace for YOURSELF first and foremost, and then for other people. We are all flawed and learning as we go. And everything happens in divine order, just as it should. ❤️❤️

I'll add that I have recently been struggling a LOT with guilt. Esp. since her father passed. I really want to there for my godson and I feel guilty that I've spent 0 time with him since this happened. It's not his fault, and I'm his godmother. I don't know how to handle that.

A lot of folks are asking, so YES, I got my house and I don't know what the people who wronged me got except gone from my life 👋🏽

1 IMPORTANT thing: I'm seeing several replies saying this would drive you to su*cide. PLEASE, NO. Thank God that things never got there for me. If you are going thru it & feel this way in the least, please open up to someone you can still trust. Don't let them take your life too.

I've decided to write more deeply about this on my blog tomorrow since it resonated with so many people. Sign up for my newsletter to stay tuned. I do a roundup of life shit, funny shit, and entrepreneur/business resource shit every other week.

I will talk more about the 1 time I saw her in 2021 in my blog, but for the people asking what I did to her...I truly just tried to get my money back so I could buy my house 😭 I found a screenshot of what I believe are the last texts I got from her (before the apology 2 yrs ltr)