idk if it's my disordered brain but why is EVERYTHING ALWAYS ABOUT FOOD. celebrations? food. visibly in a negative mood? someone brings you food. "hey wanna hang out? what should we go out to eat?" WHAT IF WE JUST RELAX AND NOT THINK ABOUT FOOD FOR A SECOND HUH????
have not weighed myself in a month because I’ve been eatingggg but I’m starting another fast so hopefully I didn’t gain much ughhhhh I hate feeling like this
tonight’s vibes w shitty photos (it’s 5pm but I went outside already + I’m going to take an everything shower + doing everything I can to ignore my declining mood)
was freaking out over no reason I still lost after last night (I’ve been, and still am in a huge negative net calorie deficit for almost a week what was I expecting)
ended the last 3 nights w a binge because my biggest trigger is eating later than I planned and my cousin keeps forcing me to have dinner and then my stupid brain says hey why don’t you eat some more STUPID STUPID STUPID
never thought I’d be a snack/grazing foods kind of person but now I can’t stomach much at once so I let myself graze when I have to eat but PROTEIN SHAKE OMADS ARE MY GO TO 💯
naturally running cold + probably anemic + dehydrated + cold weather makes for me wanting to burst into tears every second of every day but I physically can't (?) I can't even feel correctly that's so fun
dawg I need to lay off the sugar I know it’s the cause of me wanting to eat/eating without thinking I just need to swap it out with coffee and tea like I usually do I won’t survive my break at home otherwise
@sugarykcal
ummm I stick to meal times (intermittent fasting for 16+ hrs) no sugar, never finish what’s on the plate. I might have more that I can’t think of atm.
current hobbies: walking a fuck ton, doom scrolling on twt (obsessed w food polls too), c/s new protein bar flavours, watching suits, reading, window shopping/borrowing and trying on clothes <33
one of the most triggering things atm is the fact that I still get comments like “you need to eat” “you’re not eating enough” WHEN IM IN A BINGE CYCLE. are you not embarrassed to have me as a child when you see me go into the kitchen for food every 2 hrs?? THE GUILT IS SO REAL 😭
so basically I have to “maintain” for a few weeks but every calculator says that I can still get to bmi 14.0 if I stay under 900 calories so that’s the plan okay great update
age i first .. 🎀
weed: never
cigs: tried hookah at 8 😭
alc: (only took a sip) 14
xans: never
porn: 7 💀
sex: never
piercings: less than 3 y/o ??
tats: 17
starved: 12
laxatives: 17
snuck out: 17
age i first .. 🎀
weed : never
cigs : 13
alc: 6 (accident) 15 actual
xans: never
porn: 6 ( I DIDNT KNOW WHAT IT WAS)
sex: never cuz haram
piercings: as a baby
tats: 16
starved : 13
laxatives: 17
snuck out: never
found out my brother got food poisoning while on his vacation w our mom and my first thought was “why not me” because he looked so sick (he’s fully okay now though it’s been over a week I just feel horrible for thinking like that)
I hate not having anything specific to do at times because it makes me overthink so fucking much!! I’ve already meal planned and thought things through so that I don’t have to worry about what I eat at home but I’m still hung up on omg let it resttt
cold cold cold I’m in so much pain and my ears always close up in the wind and it gets me overstimulated because I CAN HEAR MY BREATHING IN MY EARHOLE FOR HOURS
I KEEP OVEREATING SHUT YOUR MOUTH STUPID BITCH TMRW WILL BE BETTER IT HAS TO BE IM GONNA CRY I WAS SUPPOSED TO WEIGH MYSELF TOO ITS BEEN A WEEK IM DYING TO KNOW HOW MUCH I GAINED BUT IM ALSO FUCKING TERRIFIED IM SHAKING