maura quint
@behindyourback
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Elon Musk is a piss baby. Rarely checking this account. Follow me at mauraquint on bluesky, insta, tt, etc. Contact: quintmaura@ gmail
so far around the bend
Joined April 2009
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I'm not a "leftist" or "socialist" so much as I'm just a "society is a construct and we've constructed ours into a pyramid scheme meant to exponentially help the small few at the top while crushing everyone else and it's dumb as hell and we don't have to keep doing it"
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my mom had a traumatic childhood with an emotionally abusive mom (and grandmom). she was scared to have kids so she took parenting classes at the Y and studied and just tried very hard. she's not perfect, but I never doubted I was loved and supported. she broke the cycle.
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I've been assaulted. I've also been not assaulted. The difference didn't seem to be what I was wearing, how flirty I was, how much I was drinking. The only difference seemed to be whether or not the men felt it was ok or not to assault.
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Just passed a farm with a big “no vaccines we trust god sign” next to the sign advertising that they were selling seedless watermelons
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I want to tell a story: Once in high school, I felt insecure, I put on a tight top too low cut and dark lipstick I didn't usually wear. I went to a party drank terrible wine coolers, too many of them. A man asked me if I wanted to leave, I slurred, said maybe. He said "maybe"?
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hello claudia conway
Pretty fun that a teen with a family membership to Mar-A-Lago who hates their parents will probably be the one to ultimately take Trump down
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overheard from a 2nd grade zoom today
Teacher: Ok now, what's at the end of life
7 y/o: that's a.... I mean, that's a big... it's complicated...
Teacher: I mean the word "life"
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it's fun how my parents, who spent my whole life lecturing me on the value and importance of hard work, seem personally offended by the fact that I can not chat with them in the middle of the day because I have a job
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The chair acknowledges the processed liquid cheese product
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hot girl summer is over it's time for the fall of society
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Just hiked to a waterfall in the middle of Maine and halfway through as I was starting to feel super proud about doing this somewhat difficult hike by myself a 70 year old woman passed me going the other way wearing flip flops and holding a bud light.
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please stop asking me what my summer plans are, I liked it better when everyone was saying stuff like you're doing amazing for just existing during these times
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For everyone about to tweet out a joke or otherwise revel in the death of Rush Limbaugh I just ask that you pause and ask yourself: am I going big enough? This man was a fucking demon don't hold back.
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tip for newlyweds: send a wedding invite to every billionaire whose address you can find because it's a 50/50 chance their assistants just send you a perfunctory gift without ever wondering who the hell you are
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a thread of cops lying. now think of how many people are incarcerated because of a cop's testimony.
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the estimated cost to replace Flint's pipes was $55 million, if Bloomberg had used some of his $61.9 billion wealth to do that, he would have been left with $61.845 billion
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I will be you NFT girlfriend, you can’t ever touch me or interact with me in real life but if you pay me enough money you can go around telling people I’m yours.
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if I were a doctor and my husband just fucked around on the internet all day challenging smarter women to debate him and he didn't stay up with our sick kid, I'd murder him, idk if that means i'm a feminist or not tho
My wife (who, it is rumored, is a doctor) stayed up all night with my five-year-old because my girl has a brutal cough due to flu (tonight is my turn). My wife then got up and went to work to care for her patients. That's feminism. Not murdering babies outside the womb.
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I had very few knocks on my door tonight but there were 4 children under 6 who were all very sweet, and their mom was doing her best so I asked if she wanted a grown up treat and she lit up and said do you have grown up treats and I said come in and she walked out with a guinness
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Piers Morgan's perfect record of being completely fucking wrong about all women all the time remains in tact
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*at my funeral*
Friend crying over my casket: look they're burying her in her favorite dress
Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets
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it still kills me that we were all like ok we'll totally disrupt our lives and do everything we can for three months while the government gets it together to pay us to stay home and the government spent three months to get around to just saying maybe you should all just die
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Someone drew a swastika on Trump's star on the Walk of Fame & there's no way to know if it was done by someone who hates him or supports him
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my kids said being a grown up must be awesome because you can eat junk food and no one makes you get up in the morning and you don't have to take showers if you don't want to and I didn't want to ruin it for them by explaining that they're describing depression
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my problem with Trump is just my outdated belief that the President of the United States shouldn't be dumber than the dumbest person I know
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And then he said "maybe isn't yes" and I went home that night, un-assaulted, because I hadn't talked to a rapist at that party.
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Person: Do you watch Game of Thrones
Me, reading my Twitter feed: .... I mean basically
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the joke is that people say "hold my beer" before doing dumb things but I grew up around people doing dumb things and I never saw one of them put their beer down first
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it's the funniest thing to me that Ben Shapiro had to offer a woman $10,000 to talk to him and it still wasn't enough for anyone to waste their time with him
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He said "go back inside then," maybe he was annoyed but he meant it, I went back inside. There wasn't a rapist at that bar.
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I said, I'm sorry, he said it's ok. I left, unmolested. I was lucky, I hadn't met a rapist that night.
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@IngrahamAngle
Hi, I'm an adult so I guess it's ok for me to say this: you're such a dumb fucking piece of shit, Laura :)
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Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
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One time a guy and I had flirted, he invited me to his room, I went we kissed, I said I liked it, he took off his clothes, I touched him, he tried to take off my clothes, I resisted, he said "seems like you're not into this" I said, ehhh, he said, no, it's only fun if you want it
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when "people's votes will be counted" is a "win" for one party, it kind of sounds like the other party is fascist
The Supreme Court will allow absentee ballots in North Carolina to be received and counted up to 9 days after Election Day, in a win for Democrats.
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Supporting Bloomberg in the primary is an easy way to let people know that if Trump had just called himself a Dem you'd be wearing a MAGA hat right now.
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I don't like to be too vulnerable on here but I just have to admit I do get upset when people who hate me send me money, the notifications of like "cry some more into this $10, loser" honestly just wreck me. It's the most effective way to hurt me, can't believe I'm admitting that
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does the right not know it's legal to say fuck the president
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well I've had no reason to share this for 20 years but I guess now I can say that one of my best friends went to high school with Jessica Biel and said she was a fucking bitch
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my cousin, a working single mom, had a seizure in the shower, hit her head and died. she had medication to effectively prevent those seizures but she'd run out and couldn't afford to refill it yet, she was hoping maybe next month she'd be able to afford her meds again.
When did you become radicalized by the U.S. health care non-system?
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have we checked all food to see if exploding them makes them into something better or did we just stop with corn
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Another story: I went out drinking with girl friends at a bar a few years later. I was flirting with a guy there, he grabbed my hand, pulled me outside, into an alley, he kissed me hard and then looked at me and said, "yes?" I didn't say anything.
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no man has all 5
1. a shotgun shack
2. a large automobile
3. a beautiful house
4. a beautiful wife
5. an answer to well how did I get here
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yeah come on, NASA, unmanned vehicles crashing into stuff is kind of Tesla's thing
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those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it and those who do study history are doomed to scream futilely while locked in the trunk of the car the first group's driving
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attacking Chrissy Teigen is the closest twitter equivalent to invading Russia in winter
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At a school art fair and spent a while marveling at the depth of this 6th grader’s piece titled “feel the feeling” before I realized the painting had just slipped out of the cardboard frame and was on the floor below it
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Having an age limit on motor vehicle licenses punishes the baby driver
NRA spokeswoman: Raising rifle age limit is "punishing the 19-year-old deer hunter"
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working to bring back the estate tax
19-year-old Kylie Jenner is worth $900 million and on pace to become the youngest self-made billionaire ever.
What are you doing with your life?
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fucking over workers is definitely a solid way to let people know you support Donald Trump
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wife for my daughter
I will be holding a major news conference in New York City with my children on December 15 to discuss the fact that I will be leaving my ...
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if this were footage from another country, we'd be calling this a totalitarian police state
Minnesota police arrest CNN reporter and camera crew as they report from protests in Minneapolis
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My middle school English teacher: Don't use the passive voice, it hides the actor, confuses the structure and disinterests the reader!
Every police statement ever: The individual was killed somehow, the universe is vast and mysterious and really what is life or death to the sky?
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Why did Detective Chicken cross the road
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sincerely, warren's point that when women didn't have the right to an abortion, rich women still got abortions is important and should be remembered as a point well beyond abortion and applied to everything
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20 Things That Women Should Stop Wearing After The Age of 30
1-20: The weight of other people's expectations & judgments
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*Ben Shapiro, walking out of a time machine, demanding baby Hitler debate him*
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how did I not know that sloths move like a demonic girl crawling out of the TV in a horror film
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Stephen Miller is 31 but he's much older in dog-whistle years
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it is so weird to me that anyone calls abortion rights a "women's issue" when straight men who like to fuck should be at the front line fighting like their dicks depended on it
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my hot take is Star Wars is a lot more enjoyable if you don't stake your entire personal identity on a handful of fallible filmmakers
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Meghan McCain would cheat off of you the whole test and at the end go cry to the teacher about how she saw you looking at her page
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Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.
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oh wow not sure how Nike's going to survive if they lose the 70 year old white man market
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Pretty fun that a teen with a family membership to Mar-A-Lago who hates their parents will probably be the one to ultimately take Trump down
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learning about Pete Buttigieg has been like getting excited by a great teaser trailer for a cool looking movie that you slowly realize is just a viral ad for Wendys
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growing up I heard adults say "how will I explain this to my children" about a gay kiss, but now that I'm a parent, it's easy, I say "they love each other" and my kids say "oh" but my 7 year old just saw a picture of a starved Yemeni child and I really don't know how to explain
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How will we ever confirm her?
By now we know every detail of Kavanaugh's entire life. Meanwhile, we know almost nothing about Ford.
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GOP: Make America great again!
Us: Ok like when we taxed the rich at fairer higher rates?
GOO: omg no we just mean the old-timey racism wow that was close lol
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REM gave me unrealistic expectations for how I'd feel at the end of the world as we know it.
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Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
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Fewer than a dozen Americans were killed by illegal immigrants last year. Foodborne illnesses killed over 3000.
JUST IN: FDA says routine food inspections stopped because of shutdown, raising health concerns
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told my 7y/o to have sweet dreams and he paused and very seriously said “ok but sometimes my mind is very rude to me” and I very seriously replied “mine too”
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they tell you being a parent is hard but they never tell you that eventually you’ll be playing Pictionary and you’ll be the one having to guess what the thing is when your child has read a “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer”prompt and drawn this
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this is the first holiday season where the best way to show you truly hate your family is by visiting them
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Anti-Semitism is real, insidious and must be denounced in the strongest terms, that is why I believe all of congress must demand the immediate resignation of Representative Steve King.
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@ME_McCullough
She's Everything. He's Just Ken: A sociolinguistic study on perceived loss of masculine power in traditionally male-dominated texts.
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The problem with taxing the wealthy is that if you increase their taxes, they will just leave, this is why no rich people live in high-tax states like New York or California.
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just seeing a lot of parenting discourse and thought that someone out there might find that worth hearing
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can't wait for 30 years from now when people will be asked to resign because an old photo surfaces of them in a red hat
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The worst thing about being an adult & not a kid is that no one stands behind you when you're being an asshole mouthing "she's just hungry."
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still can't believe that for my entire youth I heard women are too emotional when I've now spent the vast majority of my professional career hostage to the whims of one man or another "having a bad day"
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*Bernie does well*
A bunch of never-Trump people: Look let's be honest, Trump is not All bad, the stock market, you know, and unemployment and trade, certainly, and actually, he can be really quite funny and charming and it's only a FEW kids in cages when you think about it
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the one where Tomi calls every single person with children who escaped the Holocaust "a shitty parent"
If you traipse your kid 2,000 miles in dangerous conditions you're not only a criminal, you're a shitty parent.
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people are so anxious for bars to re-open like they don't know you can charge yourself double for a beer and stare at your phone at home too
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politicians keep saying I can keep my doctor like I haven't forcibly had my insurance change 4 times in the last several years and have any idea who my doctor even is
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people who lecture about civility usually just mean they want you to make less noise when they're hitting you
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“debate me” is the mating call of guys who think driving an expensive car is a personality
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the LA rams are the quintessential LA team, they came from the middle of the country, it's weird when they say they're from LA, and everyone they know is annoyed to see them succeed
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apologies if I scared anyone. Just broke a bowl and nicked one of those stupid arteries. the nurse told me the chip clip I used to secure the blankets around my leg as I drove myself to the ER saved my life so ultimately this is another reason snacking is vital!
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a large part of this country seems to think the masks ARE covid
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happy 4th of July to everyone who finds themselves stuck at a bbq with a middle aged white guy who is "the most open-minded guy in the world but"
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people who say "facts don't care about your feelings" seem to have a ton of feelings when presented with facts
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they should leave it like that as a warning to other racist statues
#BREAKING
: overnight Christopher Columbus statue in Boston’s North End vandalized, found beheaded. 📸
@pictureboston
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REALLY WANT TO NOTE THAT Howard Schultz, who is terrible, whose sole concern is making sure that as a billionaire, his bank account is never negatively affected in any way, feels fine not running, feels he is fully represented, as long as Biden is the nominee.
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