RT @TrainedHedonist: Just woke to find a Sally Struthers trying to raid my fridge. I shouted & waved my arms & it shit on my floor & ran . .

RT @BettyLies: I'm the asshole holding up the line at Starbucks by ordering a medium coffee.

RT @DalaiLama: Achieving genuine happiness may require bringing about a transformation in your outlook and way of thinking.

RT @NakedNikki: I got my born-again mother an FML shirt for Christmas. Telling her it means Father, My Lord.

RT @NikiWithIssues: Pffft! Virgins! Screw 'em.

RT @FlyoverJoel: I just ate peasant for the first time. This is not a typo.

RT @Hormonella: "Bah Cumbug!" . .

RT @donni: What's in a name? Mainly, letters that make sounds.

tickle me pickle? come on. do it!.

As sweat on my shirt stains, so go the days of our lives.

Back to the grill again. short order? Sounds like a tall order to me, mate!.

RT @Benn_Dover: Your children are my birth control.

RT @Benn_Dover: Why the hell do I want to find myself when it's so much more fun to keep searching.