my debut album TEETH LIKE BEAK is out today.from @absolutelyprods . you can listen to it most places but why not start here:.

bacon and my mouth .are like Romeo & Juliet: .perfect together.

check out full vid

got selected as a Top Musical Comedian by @billboard and got totally clocked as “living in the vast and untamed space between Syd Barret and Phoebe Buffay.”

RT @daniel_m_lavery: In the matter of books, our son is like a rude pagan king surrounded by literate priests he neither trusts nor is yet….

RT @lunch_enjoyer: If you saw me at my show The Portal last night, please get tested… for Laughkemia! Thank you for coming!.

RT @django: this is an insult to my critically acclaimed novel The Crazy Timeline.

“Screwdriver. Tito’s. Neat.”.

RT @pants:

RT @jplepore: Sometimes there are These Those episodes that I don't really even need to be present for.

RT @of_rude: 🦇🍧👨‍⚕️RUDE TALES OF MAGIC👨‍⚕️🍦🦇 . Nethermurk Episode 19: A Chocolate, If You Can Keep It

Me being a Washington Wizards fan will one day entertain my infant son, who will most likely be a Knicks or Nets (who knows!) fan (unless we move somewhere soon or he doesn’t like the nba, which is as possible as anything else, guvnah!).

“nonfiction” is Italian for “not fiction” but it is also French for “never fiction.” I wish it war’nt so, guvnah. I wish it war’nt so.

got a new substack post blaming my son for the jokes I’m (now) bad at writing

RT @FelipeDiPoi: Two best friends get together to have a beer

RT @danlicatasucks: Angry Audience Member Throws Balloon At Comedian!

RT @CarmChristopher: In 2020 during the pandemic I rolled around NY with a speaker and did stand up for people who did not ask me to do sta….

I’m trying to connect again

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? .What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?.I'm fallin' to pieces.

RT @django: I'm doing a livestream for the RE-release of Bag of Tricks at 8 p.m. Eastern tonight. come and hear all the juicy behind-the-….