Just to declare interest here as a number of you have asked. Yes, the palace insider Persephone Wallets-Ivory, the Queen's badminton coach, and myself have been in an on/off relationship for a number of years now.

But then why is she in your phone as "Palace Insider", Simon? Because I'm protecting her identity, that's why. Always protect your sources, journalism 101.

@Orwell_Fan Will you be stepping into the BBC’s vacant political editor role next year, Simon? Or is it too early to reveal that you’ve had the nod?

@LodgerMoore Let's not be too presumptuous! I'm sure there will be plenty of other suitable candidates with journalism skills just as impressive as mine. I can't actually think of any, but you never know.

@Orwell_Fan Unfortunately it wasn’t true.

@m7leicauser She didn't say which Christmas. Could still happen, it's always Christmas somewhere.

Breaking - My source inside the palace has messaged me to say that the delayed Christmas Coup is back on! Her Majesty the Queen will sack Boris and be Prime Minister in an Emergency Cabinet.

@Snooze_Hound @2012Studies Was it Kelvin who got a message from Persephone Wallets-Ivory? No it was not.

@Orwell_Fan #NostroStarmus

@Orwell_Fan Simon do you have any comments on the rumour that you're being lined up as Laura K's successor?

@Orwell_Fan What a scoop! #tankgate

@Orwell_Fan Wow three 🚨 emojis, this is serious.

@Orwell_Fan Given that Her Majesty only recently passed away, this is clearly a deep-fake and highly offensive to her memory.. 🤬🤬

@Orwell_Fan Is this a parody account? Keith Stammer to take over? You're having a laugh.

@Orwell_Fan @owlbearcamus_ So she isn't dead?

@Orwell_Fan well may we say god save the queen for nobody will save the prime minister

@Orwell_Fan Great scoop Simon.

@Orwell_Fan @sky_with_no_e that's why they gave her covid

@Orwell_Fan @Atrios I just saw Boris with his head shaved. The axe is about to fall.