And all of this when a man who looks like George Romero is like, fifteen feet away. That's only time I'd be tempted to go all geriatric.

The problem is, my blow-offs are so subtle, nuanced, and laden with humor that I'm probably inadvertently creating a date-rape situation.Boo.

There are a bunch of the aforementioned douchebags dancing. Yes, dancing. Right this minute. They even have the rags on their heads.

I am at the Knickerbocker if any douchebags are interested. I will probably blow you off but it's worth a try.

Sometimes I feel like getting involved with a total douchebag that is way dumber than me. Not ever for sex. Just for kicks.

And I don't like that "Twitter" made up the word "personableness" when referring to my profile picture either. Why am I doing this?.

What do you mean "what am I doing?". Why do you care?.