naomi karavani
@naomikaravani
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LINGORM CHARMING RISING COUPLE
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Derrick Rose
• 86249 Tweets
#大感想大発表
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カレンダー
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D Rose
• 31990 Tweets
VLOG 13 WITH BUILD
• 31159 Tweets
#モニタリング
• 23730 Tweets
#素のまんま
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CS進出
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#ケンミンショー
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高校生の手紙
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CS決定
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all the notable republicans were at the DNC convention
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It's very important, every few days, to take a break from social media walk outside and throw up on people in person.
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"El Chapo" was found guilty on all ten counts of refusing to work for the CIA.
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If there are soldiers on the battlefield who fear transgender people, wait until they hear about the guns pointing at them.
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Some old proud boys asked me for directions to their hotel in DC and they were one block away with phone. Also downtown is on a grid.
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My heart goes out to the 17 children who left their home countries to be adopted by this celebrity break up
#Brangelina
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Women, if we are going to be equal, we have a lot of harassing to do.
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Every American lawmaker can agree that abortions are perfectly legal in cases where they're performed by Lockheed Martin overseas.
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When we start looting supermarkets I’m gonna be the guy who runs back in saying “shit, I forgot cilantro”
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Me: Marriage is a capitalist lie founded to keep women as property, and, today, because their bond is prioritized, the couple is atomized, no longer dependent on a community and then they are forced to define themselves by consumption.
Him: ...so you’d prefer a casual thing?
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It's so brave for women to breastfeed in public, especially if she's breastfeeding an adult, and even more so if she's not lactating.
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FBI: It's a crisis. Our reckless confidential human source program, where convicted criminals entrap the mentally ill in 'terror plots' has been brought to a halt. We can't do a sting operation on a shoestring.
Media: Poor thing. Here, blow your nose in this blank check.
One FBI special agent said the partial government shutdown has "eliminated any ability to operate."
Another said the job has "never been so hard or thankless." A third said agents cannot "protect and serve the American people"
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Periodic reminder that the confederacy could never agree on a flag, there was one "battle flag" popularized during 1950s desegregation which makes it's meaning clear, and nikki haley is really as dumb as we think she is
Nikki Haley says the Confederate flag was about "service, and sacrifice, and heritage" until Dylan Roof "hijacked" it
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I've quit my day job writing comedy and now I'm selling weapons on network television. Life is so crazy. Anyways, JK, check out my latest segment on weapons manufacturers and how we can stop them.
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Drinking and driving could lead to car accidents, but if I drink too much coffee I will hit people on purpose.
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Where can I adopt some sea monkeys so I can learn to love again?
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Best boss I ever had! I will miss fighting over jokes with you
@LeeCamp
Redacted Tonight would not have been possible without the amazing work of so many ppl including
@naomikaravani
@jafferkhancomic
@andersleehere
@rhysdb
@yokiDanoff
@TheRealJFOD
@NatalieSMcGill
@AbbyFeldman
@SamSacks
& more. Please follow & support them!
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cool that it's not a crime to give people water
BREAKING: A Tucson jury has found Scott Warren of
@NoMoreDeaths
not guilty of all charges for providing food, water and aid to undocumented migrants in the Sonoran Desert.
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Listen to the people
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"So you drove 8 hours to get rid of your unborn son but won't drive 10 minutes to see your living mother?" - my mom
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BREAKING: US upset they weren't invited to participate in assassination
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*hits pipe* I got a solution to mass incarceration, hear me out...total incarceration
Mike Lindell says he has 'enough evidence' to put '300 million' Americans in jail for election fraud
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The minimum wage is $7.25. We’re talking about Tiger Woods cheating. It is still March 2009.
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I just saw an interpretive dance show that was a metaphor for human destruction of the Earth, and just, wow . . . climate change is ruining our ability to enjoy life on this planet in more ways than one.
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Any recipe with over 7 ingredients is officially a spell
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I can't wait to get mad watching an animated map later.
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Wait, in a society without the show Cops, who will run after the police with a boom mic?
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“Elizabeth Warren, what is your first and last name?”
“Senator Sanders, please recite the alphabet backwards in Urdu. You have 30 seconds.”
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We should embrace our real power as women and not sex strike, but threaten to put a curse on their balls
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Wondering where the idea to run people over came from?
-GOP state bills that protect drivers who kill protesters
- or isis
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Don't do drugs, kids. I had to learn the hard way they make you kind to your enemies.
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Yes, I still have an imaginary friend, but now he makes me cum. Adulthood.
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Ahahhahah - omg give them a chance to speak so you can see how unprepared they are for speaking and defending this nonsense
‘I’m not the angry racist they see’: Alt-Righter became viral face of hate in Virginia — and now regrets it
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@dancohen3000
I'm genuinely confused by this answer. Wouldn't it be more helpful for them to get the exposure and counter zionist claims on air, a la Zakaria's interview with Barghouti?
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As a teacher I warned excessively absent children that they wouldn't be able to hold down a job, unless they became Congressmen.
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Hey FCC is voting against Net Neutrality December 14th! It's holiday times so speak up or prepare for intensive quality time with your family and arguing with your racist uncle without stats to back you up.
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Relationship status: three 14 y/o boys on segues approached & asked me to dance for them and I threatened to call the cops.
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First they came for the scientologists and I said, "Wait, you missed one."
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Comic book artists once had the budget to time travel, there's no other explanation
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Sally selling sea shells by the seashore is a capitalist tale of invented scarcity. The only way she makes a profit is if she hoards all the shells on the beach.
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Merry Xmas to everyone who spent hundreds of dollars on gifts for a toddler whose favorite toy is a spare part to a vacuum cleaner.
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The Saudis blew up a school bus in August with the help of an Obama-era brokered Lockheed Martin deal. The belated American outrage is almost as farcical as Saudi's 27 different cover-up plans for killing bin Laden's buddy Khashoggi.
"While it’s refreshing that some are starting to challenge the United States’ grotesque alliance with the Saudi theocratic monarchy, it’s important to note that it’s not a product of a foreign boogeyman, but core to the US imperial project."
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Depression relapses with increasing fungi puns
'Magic mushrooms' one step closer to approval for treating depression
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when the cop leaves the party with nothing but a noise complaint
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You can't walk outside without joining a protest in D.C. right now.
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Looking forward to CNN panelists struggling to say "shithole" for thirty hours straight.
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Do you remember where you were when you learned vodka has no carbs?
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I finally have the body I've always wanted. I put it in my trunk.
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Way to kick a guy when he’s been down
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it's not an "air strike," it's a temporary overflow of heavy artillery
🚨🚨The U.S. military has carried out an air strike in Syria against facilities used by Iranian-back militia, a defense official told NBC News.
The strike marked the first military response from the Biden administration after a series of rocket attacks on U.S. targets in Iraq.
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Sorry to future naomis
sorry but I feel like naming a girl naomi is putting a lot of pressure on her to be a bad bitch
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All my best friends are comedians so I haven't finished a sentence without being interrupted in 3 years
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So you’re upset everyone thinks they’re a comedian? Try the 1800’s when everyone thought they were a surgeon. Seems worse.
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Imagine how upset Hitler would be if he found out future generations were constantly comparing him to a Russian
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I fuckin' cut out gluten and literally nothing has changed in my relationship with my parents.
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Really enjoying the arms-length fist bumps from male comedians these days.
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Best commentary so far: "It took him 7 seconds to retweet this, and now we're going to give it 72 hours on CNN"
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Hello my fellow bots, the current admin is using this site and other social media to predict and prevent leftist protests. I just think the security state should get off their fat asses and infiltrate us in person in the goddamned basement. My latest:
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Lately I haven't been taking sleeping pills instead I take 20 mins of The Irishman a night. Works like a charm.
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Check out my radiant smile in my latest piece: MSNBC Admits They Are Now Right-Wing
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The president influences official policy in the same medium food trucks announce their location.
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Convinced free comedy show audiences are all white collar criminals doing community service.
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This makes C-SPAN worth watching
Earlier today, both
@medeabenjamin
and
@ArielElyseGold
disrupted Gustavo Tarre, who illegitimate “president” Juan Guaido appointed as Venezuelan Ambassador to the OAS. We at
@codepink
say no to imperialism, no to the coup!
#HandsOffVenezuela
#NoAlGolpeEnVenezuela
#Paz
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Don't forget it's the two party system that made us care about Alabama tonight.
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My father thought I was gay until I brought my boyfriend home, now he thinks he's gay.
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public futility PG&E couldn't update ancient towers bc their hands were busy cupping the balls of investors
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A marriage is between a woman, a man, his life insurance policy, and her younger lover.
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Poor Bolty, all he wanted to do was to protect the US by invading the Netherlands. 😘 Miss you.
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Dems tried to pull an all-nighter but still failed all of American education.
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she's getting ready to debate zizek
Grimes in Los Angeles today.
Photography by Jvshvisions
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vacations are a great way to sit in the sun and relax, and then when it's over realize you are a slave to money and will never experience true freedom
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Took a lil edible to see if I would run faster and I did (thought someone was following me)
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The whole karen thing was a conspiracy designed by the megyns and megans
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Either post hot pics of your moms or post nothing at all
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GOP healthcare plan is really thorough, includes flu shots and all other treatments through the Inflatable Boats to Cuba™ program.
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Studies show we should still be more afraid of white men and driving on the highway than terrorism. Even bathtubs are deadlier than Isis.
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"I have a dream and that dream is to keep on dreaming the dreams that we have every day." - Kamala Harris
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A moment of silence for the people who had nothing to do but their jobs when FB went down today.
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Those who can't do become nominees for the Secretary of Education.
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bezos is going to the moon so he can also control our menstrual cycles
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*Stephen Hawking thaws*
Hawking: Are there still flat-earthers?
Doctor: ...
Hawking: Put me back in the freezer.
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Achievement unlocked: my niece's friends don't believe that I'm her aunt when they google me.
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Instead of saying I'm in a relationship, I will say my pussy is now a subscription service
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Crazy how this disease just came in time to punish all the people who voted for Joe Biden
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Now that NY legalized weed maybe Cuomo will have some and start to worry what other people think of him
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Share in person what you share on the internet, & you'll lose everyone you love.
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