The Cowboy Cube contains the sum of all cowboy knowledge and wisdom, protected by a posse of phantom gunslingers holed up in the most impenetrable gulch in the galaxy.

I guess I will try occasionally writing bad jokes on another website, since this one is a toilet that's on fire.

Speak for yourself, lady. I like watching mediocre movies under a bunch of reptile lights

I'm not a doctor, but if I was I'd tell you that it's perfectly healthy to eat a bunch of every kind of bread there is right before going to bed.

See you all in the Metaverse!

If this is indeed the end of Twitter, I am grateful we all had the time to become very close personal friends willing and eager to loan me money.

Today, after working tirelessly with an advanced imaging AI, I can now release the most accurate and realistic depiction of Space Dracula yet. He’s a real piece of shit and I hope he never comes to our planet.

Computer, stop what you're doing this instant and show me Charles Grodin in cyberspace.

Computer, might I have some oil paintings as well?

Hark, computer! Please provide me with illuminated manuscripts depicting Macho Man Randy Savage.

the overwhelming majority of people with guns will never use them in a mass shooting. they just fantasize about it while kissing the guns.

in the early 15th century, edward, 2nd duke of york, wrote a list of 1,126 names he considered to be suitable for dogs. highlights from the list: -nosewise -garlik -pretyman -gaylarde -norman -filthe

Watching crypto values tank and once again feeling very vindicated in my decision to spend the last few years looking for lost bags of money in the woods.

To be clear, I am not just pro-choice, I am pro-abortion. Abortions are a wonderfully safe and effective medical procedure that saves and improves lives. Every time a person gets an abortion that they need OR want, it is a blessing.

I hate when my falcon cannot hear me, arguably one of the best and loudest falconers in the business.

If I were a dolphin, naturally I would spend a lot of time swimming with my bros and doing flips, etc., but obviously I would spend the majority of my time swimming with my lovely wife.

Chester Cheetah and Garfield are members of the same species, which is why both are orange and wildly outrageous.

They should replace the pretzel-shaped cookies in the Danish Butter Cookie tins with real pretzels, just to mix it up and play with fire a little.

Thanksgiving is my favorite day to go looking for lost bags of money in the woods, because all the competition is too busy stuffing their faces. More than happy to claim all that valuable woods money for myself.