if i win the lottery i won’t say anything but there will be signs

https://t.co/Txsq9oXXEp

you should be purchasing one unusual sauce or dip every time you visit the grocery store. if you want to have a nice life.

an old couple holding hands just walked by me and they were roasting the shit out of each other. maybe love does exist

the supermodels are getting drug charges again girls we are so back

Honestly insane that you can be a kid but then grow up and live alone and have no one to be like “I threw up” to

being carsick is so funny. you’ll be in prime physical health & then you’ll make the mistake of glancing at your phone in the backseat of an Uber going barely 25 mph

man i just do not know how to act around warm bread

Don’t invite me out unless silly people are going too

the secret to being a private person is to over share dumb shit so people think you’re an open book but then not tell them any of the important details about your life

if you sell weed I’m so sorry but you are NOT a drug dealer you are a fuckin #florist stop acting like you are #pablo

I’m just sad.

Hi I’m dyin rn but I’m sure I will be good tomorrow. At the very least I think Friday I will not be dyin

Sailor: I don’t want a birthday, I don’t want to get bigger Me: what scares you most about growing up? Sailor: (with big tears) I am afraid of turning into someone I don’t wanna be a fireflighter or a doctor or a mermaid.. or a sciencer I just wanna be a kid

Here are some words from my current late night heart-to-heart with my 3 yr old who is reflecting once again about getting older. This is making me feel so many things 😩

Last moments with her as a 3 year old :’) Tonight’s snuggles are hitting a little hard. Proud of my tiny person

Praying that I find the strength to put my laundry away finally

-jess is- checking her credit score in the dive bar bathroom on a Friday night

Im sorry for liking ugly men