Carl Hindy, Ph.D., HSP, Clinical Psychologist
@DrCarlHindy
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Clinical #Psychologist in #NH , USA. #Psychology news I’ve found interesting and you might, too! My love relationships book on Amazon:
Exeter, NH
Joined April 2009
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@DBryanRhodes
Sounds like men being afraid of being revealed. They — the writer of the post and the depicted husband — both want to undermine the therapy and keep control. My wish would be for the men to learn to let go of “control” (their fear of things getting out of control) and be able to
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@sometherapist
I remember 20 years ago when my teen daughter begged and begged us to let her have a tatoo. But you had to be 18 in our state to get a tatoo (now it’s 16 with parents permission). We finally succumbed, wanting to see her happy with a new tattoo. It had to be tasteful, and we
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@LauraRbnsn
So often I've seen men's reactions to having a child be their fear of being adequate. I remember a man who told me his first-ever panic attack was when his wife was having their first child. Unfortunately, for many men being "adequate" gets directed toward working harder, trying
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@Theholisticpsyc
That’s also good advice for people anxious about upcoming Thanksgiving gatherings. “Observe but don’t absorb.”
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@Theholisticpsyc
So hard to grieve someone who is still alive. To live with the questions of what “could” have been, what “should” have been, “if only,” and “WHY”?
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@llmunro
Agreed! And also keep in mind that your dissertation topic can help define the start of your career! … So study a topic for which you have passion and want to be part of your early professional identity.
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@TweetATherapist
Do they want short texts because they’re using them in building their AI training database?
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@lovewins11011
Block the person in all communications channels. At least for now if not forever.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Because you can understand something does not mean you need to put up with it!
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@sometherapist
Should school children be able to receive liposuction without parents approval?
Should school teachers not tell parents their children are exploring liposuction (eg, because they fear the parents “aren’t ready” yet or the child isn’t ready yet to share it?
Should schools have
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@DBryanRhodes
Yes, the irony of men trying to control rather than love. Mature love is about disinterested interest rather than self-serving interest. It’s about wanting your spouse to be all that she or he can be, and loving that person unselfishly. It may not be an easy road when patterns
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@Theholisticpsyc
So often “the easy child” has a sibling that commands a lot of attention due to personality or special needs. The “easy child” learns to take care of herself.
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@Theholisticpsyc
So often she’s a huge part of raising the younger siblings, and it’s harder for her to escape the family orbit.
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@iamhallieb
Frankly, I'm usually uncomfortable when people put me on a pedestal. It just feels like I'm going to fall from a higher place.
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@Theholisticpsyc
The true “gateway drug” is failure to accept that life is hard, and that sorrow is as inevitable as joy, and that you simply cannot have one without the other.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Yes. Falling into old patterns, but now with greater awareness, is how we grow.
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@michaelshermer
It strikes me that both the Left and the Right extremes are similar in being cult-like. The Left-Rigjt dimension seems to be more like a circle than a line, and they join at the extremes where they are defined by personal emotional needs much more than by reason.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Frankly, I think ALL of us come from homes that are “broken” in some ways or others, each with unique challenges and gifts, each bringing us adult challenges and opportunities.
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@Theholisticpsyc
“If you really loved me … If you really cared … if you really listened… You wouldn’t squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle.” The toothpaste tube of my discontent.
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@LauraRbnsn
I think he should be transferred out of the Lingerie Department and down to hardware or automotive.
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@karenmitchell__
I wonder if being more intuitive, an empath, makes one more vulnerable to narcissists? Because they “understand” the person they may put up with more?
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@Theholisticpsyc
Couples with only one child can be like this, and need to be careful they don’t become like a “marriage of three people.”
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@Brcremer
What drives men’s fear of women, that some men need to silence women? Clearly women are seen as powerful, yet feared.
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@ChrisPalmerMD
Psychology, mental health, medicine, and food sciences need to work together meaningfully to address eating disorders. Otherwise the eating disorders helpers will get into the same mish-mash of competing non-scientific ideologies we see in the addictions industry.
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“The unconscious of one human being can react upon that of another without passing through the conscious.”
— Sigmund Freud
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@Theholisticpsyc
Your partner cannot be everything to you, but social changes and the loss of local community feed that unrealistic expectation. Thats a lot of pressure on any relationship.
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@Theholisticpsyc
If you avoid, then you also avoid potentially positive experiences that could help you.
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@Theholisticpsyc
“Intentional ignorance” seems increasingly a way that people cope with stress :(
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Breathwork study: Largest controlled trial to date finds no psychological benefits beyond placebo effect
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@BarackObama
He was exactly the person we needed at that point in time, as we suffered the losses and fears of the pandemic and of the prior administration.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Apologizing is showing that you value the relationship more than you value being right.
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@drjenwolkin
Because there are times, especially with trauma, when reasoning won’t cut it. Reminds me of early in my practice when a patient comes in stating they have a fear of flying. A newly minted psychologist, I prattled-on about the infinitesimal odds of a plane crash, surely much
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@daiyusan96
@DBryanRhodes
No, I think it’s embracing the man’s feelings and his possible fear of the marriage coming apart. Reminds me of teaching my children to drive and getting them comfortable enough to let go their “death grip” on the steering wheel, and to look further down the road rather than just
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@Theholisticpsyc
We doom scroll on the phone when we “relax,” so we never really relax. We are like a car with a tachometer that never goes below 2000 rpm.
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@Theholisticpsyc
I think of an apology as a way to say that you value the relationship over the particular disagreement. It’s not an admission of being wrong, but a gesture of caring and desire to get beyond the difference.
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I’m a mental health practitioner and believe we do a lot of good in helping people and families. But increasingly I feel that our societal focus on “mental health” distracts from the bigger problems of societal health. Are we being induced to look at the caring and overwhelmed
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@LauraRbnsn
The people who worry a lot about the huge responsibilities of having children often shy away from having kids … and many people who don’t worry *enough* rush right in! What the saying?
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@elliotpsych
Yes, concerned citizens, parents and even doctors are afraid of being shamed, publically disparaged, or even endangered. They often are shamed into silence … Even when they are moderate folks who just want a thoughtful, metered approach based in better understanding.
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@Theholisticpsyc
If your kids fear you, they find ways around you. If they respect you and feel loved, they value your example and guidance.
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@izzdashiz
Sounds like you’d more likely meet your potential partners at a bookstore, book signing event.
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@Theholisticpsyc
I remember co-leading an eating disorders therapy group when I was a grad student years ago … and my feeling that the group members were NOT “out of control” with their eating or weight but actually seemed precisely IN control.
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@KamalaHQ
@realDonaldTrump
Trump once represented rebellion against the status quo. He was the bully who could bring change. Now? He’s an old movie that keeps playing in a theatre that’s closed down.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Therapist: “So, your husband has been managing his anger better?”
Patient: “No! I’VE been managing his anger better.”
😢
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@Theholisticpsyc
I wish people didn’t wait for a crisis to seek marriage counseling. We get our cars serviced every 5000 miles, but our relationships must wait?
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@elliotpsych
@DrWinarick
@sometherapist
I think long and hard about my loved ones. I question, discuss, worry about how decisions get made, worry about the pros and cons of the choices we make, worry about my responsibilities to people. So I feel upset (hurt, misunderstood, demeaned) when my efforts to discuss
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“When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, "Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it's like to be me.”
— Carl R. Rogers
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@DrSuneelDhand
People often are (1) eager to see the doctor, and also to (2) not leave the doctor’s office empty-handed. A medication is expected otherwise “why did I bother to go?”
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@smerconish
Not a mistake. She now can call on Trump and Vance to have the “courage” to do the same! (Do I hear chickens?)
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@Theholisticpsyc
I wish the childhood feeling could come back more often — the feelings of innocence, of delight, of simple joys, of unlimited potential.
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@ChrisMurphyCT
Yes, I agree that the impact is great. But what’s the answer? I cannot imagine that it will be to lure people back to church, unless church is significantly re-envisioned. Times have changed.
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@DrJessTaylor
"I understand him," you say. Just because you understand someone does not mean you need to put up with them!
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@JDaviesPhD
“What’s real to the patient is real in its consequences.” So talk less and listen more. Hold aside your wish to change their thought processes until you truly understand and honor their perceptions and narrative. The patient feeling genuinely understood often is your most potent
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@DrAmyPsyD
Yes, all the hurdles, delays and appeals benefit the insurance company, not you or the patients.
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@DBryanRhodes
LOL. Yup, marriage counseling can be a challenge indeed! But I find it’s usually not so difficult to start bring-out the feelings of love when people feel heard, equal, supported and safe enough that they can try putting-down their defense mechanisms. I want couples to have an
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@briandavidearp
It is curious how circumcision has remained so prominent and there’s relatively little discussion of it.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Friendship is a key to long term relationships. It doesn’t happen in a flash.
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As a psychologist I’ve been pleased how the public has become so aware of our field and psychology has become such a large part of our culture. HOWEVER, I’m also concerned that this has caused so many of our contemporary problems to be viewed as personal problems rather than
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@Theholisticpsyc
Doesn’t it sometimes seem that our romantic view of love can have us mistake feelings of insecurity for feelings of love?
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@jonathanstea
Even to this day I read such things and cannot really get my head around how some people believe this stuff.
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@Theholisticpsyc
I remind clients that you don’t need to trust everybody; you only need to trust your partner. I believe people with a history of insecure attachments can change that with their partners. And partners with attachment challenges can “be good for each other” as long as they can be
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@Theholisticpsyc
Mothers, fathers: When you are lying in your death bed some day, what will you regret? Probably not that you didn’t work more or achieve more! It will be the relationships where you didn’t invest enough of yourself :(
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@Theholisticpsyc
Exactly the topic of my book, now in its 28th paperback printing: “If This Is Love, Why Do I Feel So Insecure?” (Atlantic Monthly Press, Ballantine). We studied families in depth to arrive at patterns which lead to Anxious Romantic Attachment in adult life. There are several
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@Theholisticpsyc
When a patient flatters me and I feel uplifted in their company. I learned early in my professional life that it’s often an indication of antisocial personality.
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Have you ever had a therapy patient say, “I tried long term therapy before. Must have been six sessions, and it didn’t help.” Younger folks won’t have the perspective we older therapists have. Will the art of psychotherapy be forgotten and lost?
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@sometherapist
Neither of us parents had, or to this day have, any tattoos. And we researched the safety as best we could at that time, took her to a reputable tattoo parlor. Tatoos aren’t our thing, but we wanted to please our daughter.
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@proud_penelope
Yes. I think the two greatest qualities of all therapists, regardless of school of theoretical background, are: (1) their comfort with emotions, and (2) their willingness to talk about difficult things.
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@Theholisticpsyc
Using sex to escape emotional intimacy, rather than to enhance it, is something that Internet porn is teaching big time. Sex becomes escape, preoccupation, and anxiety reduction like so many things we call “addiction.”
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@lovewins11011
That’s nearly the definition of “codependent.” When I ask Mary how she’s feeling today and she responds, “John’s upset today.”
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@nate_postlethwt
I think of dysfunctional families having a gravitational field. Some of the kids will escape the orbit while others will stay stuck in a close orbit.
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@Theholisticpsyc
When we do that “helicopter parent” thing, are we really trying to control our own anxieties?
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@IAmMarkManson
Classic studies of loneliness suggest that having a partner, and having friends, provide different needs. People who have a partner but no friends are lonely; and people with friends and no partner also are lonely. And there are qualitative differences in the experiences of
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@karenmitchell__
For the narcissist, sex very often is about performance rather than intimacy. Often there’s an anonymity about it.
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@AjKavanaugh
Well, it protects you from catastrophic loss (Unless they deny your catastrophy)
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@Theholisticpsyc
Let’s face it. There’s no happiness without sadness, no joy without sorrow. That’s the tapestry of life.
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Some people have a strong negative reaction at meditation retreats: “Meditation can have dangerous effects on mental health, an investigation finds” : Shots - Health News : NPR
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I was alerted to this syndrome by a reader here on Z. Important that we be aware. This article has additional links at the end … “Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction (PSSD): Biological Plausibility, Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Presumed Risk Factors” - PubMed
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@Theholisticpsyc
I agree. It’s often a fear/trust difficulty and a need to “reject them before they reject me.”
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@LoriGottlieb1
It’s always very tempting for therapists to give patients “advice.” But you are, after all, now a very popular advice columnist. It may obscure the difference between advice and psychotherapy, but that’s a distinction that’s getting murky these days more generally.
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@Theholisticpsyc
And Happy Fathers Day to the single Moms who were essentially both mother and father to their children 💕
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@lovewins11011
Yes, and “intermittent reinforcement” is a most powerful pattern of reinforcement. Like a slot machine.
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@Theholisticpsyc
In the best of marriages two people neither compete nor “complete” one another — They are partners in supporting one another to be their best selves. And loving one another throughout the journey wherever it leads.
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@lovewins11011
Don’t seek “closure.” It’s an illusion that will keep you digging the same hole. Move on.
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@lastvibes
Too often we put-up with things because of our heart, and we lose our selves too much in the process.
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@TellYourSonThis
The very same qualities that attract a woman to a man later become her main grievances. And the same for the man, that what attracts him to her later becomes his main struggle.
It can be striking how we relabel them when we realize we cannot turn them on or off or adopt them as
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‘It feels like we’ve been lobotomised’: the possible sexual consequences of SSRIs | Mental health | The Guardian
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