Ryan
@C_Berry3000
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We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves. - Buddha
Joined August 2012
The floor was lava and I couldn't toss couch cushions close enough to the door to escape!. but I'll be on time for work tomorrow.
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RT @weinerdog4life: Me: What should we have for dinner?. Hamburger Helper Glove: LET'S DO COCAINE!!. Me: um ok?.
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RT @weinerdog4life: Me: What is. can I kiss you Alex?. Alex: Once again no, please stop asking, you are at negative $87,000.
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(In the maternity ward). Gary Busey: He shall be known throughout the realms as, Drangon's Eyeball-Booger Busey!. Steffanie Sampson: Luke. .
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(In the maternity ward). Gary Busey: We shall call his name, Majestic High-Voltage Tiger-Fart Busey!. Judy Helkenberg: His name is Jake. .
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RT @weinerdog4life: If you go to the zoo and call the zebras "crime horses" no one knows what you're talking about.
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"The human body is approx 65% water.". An excerpt from my book, Things to Say So That People Don't Think You're Super Weird for Licking Them.
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I'm probably like the third toughest kid in my ballet class. Don't give me your heart;.*Puts on leather jacket over tutu*.I'll just break it.
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Maybe unicorns don't exist because other horses were jealous of their awesome donut holder. things to ponder. .
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If you get into a fight it's good to be friends with the biggest dudes around. They give great hugs after the girl is done being mean to you.
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RT @weinerdog4life: When God invented snakes he was like do you want legs or do you want to look like a scary belt, too late scary belt.
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RT @FrogAvalanche: Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim's nose?.Accused: No. *cries into palms.Baby Judge: O, great, he's disappeared agai….
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RT @weinerdog4life: It says here on your astronaut application you're "horny for space" this is jiffy lube why would you give this to me?.
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A guy yelled, "Who's got two thumbs and ate his pudding with a fork? This guy!". I was less impressed when I saw he had eight other fingers.
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Hi @ninatreemonkey!. *Pulls finger*.*Confetti shoots out of my, "Confetti shooter"*. Now it's a party!. a party covered in gross confetti!.
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RT @weinerdog4life: It's like my grandpa always said "LET ME OUT OF THIS WEIRD BOX" because we kept him in that weird box.
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Welcome to master Waldo's dojo for ninjutsu. *Hands you a stack of Where's Waldo books*. Good luck grasshopper.
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Who farted?!. Little kid: *Points at dog*. Peter Wolf: *Points at love*.
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RT @shutupmikeginn: My "Not involved in human trafficking" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.
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RT @MrRyanQuinn: An easy way to kill off mice in your house is to leave tiny motorcycles everywhere but no helmets.
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